Jokes from behind the iron curtain

[Suave]

Czech walks into police station in 1968 during the Fraternal Assistance.

Czech: Hey, out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked me down and took my Russian watch.

Desk Sergeant: Come again?

Czech: Are you deaf? Out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked me down and took my Russian watch.

Desk Sergeant: You're confused. It was a Russian soldier who knocked you down and took your Swiss watch.

Czech: Well, maybe, but you said it, not me.

[Suave]

Question:  How many times can you tell a good joke in the Soviet Union?
Answer: Three times. Once to a friend, once to a police investigator—and once to your cell mate.

[Suave]

What is the difference between the Soviet and U.S. constitutions?

The Soviet constitution guarantees freedom of speech and the right to hold demonstrations. The U.S. constitution also guarantees your freedom after the demonstrations and speeches.

[Suave]

What countries border the Soviet Union?

Any country the Soviet Union wants.

[Suave]

Newly installed Soviet leader Juri Andropov receives a letter from recently deceased Leonid Brezhnev.
       “I’m in hell,” it reads. “It’s not that bad here. But please send me a fork and knife. When Hitler’s on duty, he always forces me to eat with a hammer and sickle.”

[Suave]

A man walks into a grocery store with a notebook. "Do you have sausage?" "No." He makes a note. "Bread?" "No." He makes another note. "20 years ago, they would have shot you for making notes like that," says a woman waiting in line. "No bullets either," he writes.

[Suave]

Four dogs -- Mexican, American, Polish, Russian -- are discussing their lives. The Mexican dog says, "the servants used to leave meat out for me, but now I have to bark for it." The American dog says, "you have servants in Mexico?" The Polish dog says, "they feed you meat?" The Russian dog says, "they let you bark?"

[Suave]

A Frenchman, a Brit, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "they must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit." The Englishman says, "clearly, they're English; observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit." The Russian notes, "they are Russian, of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

[Suave]

Why do KGB men always come in threes? One to write a report, one to read it, and one to check up on the 2 intellectuals.

[Flyboy]

a frenchmen, a american, a israeli and a arabic are flying in a plane.
they first pass over france, suddenly the french guy throw out of the plane a rack of whine bottles. they all look at him and ask him why he did it, so he answers "its ok, we have alot of those in france"

then they pass over america,and the american guy grabs an oil drum and throw it out of the plane, they ask him why did he do it, and he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in america"

when they get over israel the israeli guy suddenly grab the arabic guy and throw him out of the plane. shocked they ask him why did he do that, so he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in israel"

[bunch]

Originally posted by Flyboy



a frenchmen, a american, a israeli and a arabic are flying in a plane.
they first pass over france, suddenly the french guy throw out of the plane a rack of whine bottles. they all look at him and ask him why he did it, so he answers "its ok, we have alot of those in france"

then they pass over america,and the american guy grabs an oil drum and throw it out of the plane, they ask him why did he do it, and he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in america"

when they get over israel the israeli guy suddenly grab the arabic guy and throw him out of the plane. shocked they ask him why did he do that, so he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in israel"

That joke was funnier the way I first heard it told, when it was a New Yorker hurling a Jew off a boat

[Saurdaukar]

Dr. Boroda, please call extenstion 1917... Dr. Boroda, please call extenstion 1917.

[ramzey]

Originally posted by Flyboy



a frenchmen, a american, a israeli and a arabic are flying in a plane.
they first pass over france, suddenly the french guy throw out of the plane a rack of whine bottles. they all look at him and ask him why he did it, so he answers "its ok, we have alot of those in france"

then they pass over america,and the american guy grabs an oil drum and throw it out of the plane, they ask him why did he do it, and he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in america"

when they get over israel the israeli guy suddenly grab the arabic guy and throw him out of the plane. shocked they ask him why did he do that, so he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in israel"

i heard this other way


a frenchmen, a american, a israeli and a palestynian are flying in a plane.
they first pass over france, suddenly the french guy throw out of the plane a rack of whine bottles. they all look at him and ask him why he did it, so he answers "its ok, we have alot of those in france"

then they pass over america,and the american guy grabs an oil drum and throw it out of the plane, they ask him why did he do it, and he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in america"

when they get over israel the palestine guy suddenly grab the israeli guy and throw him out of the plane. shocked they ask him why did he do that, so he answers " its ok, we have alot of those in palestina"


keep posting Suave

[Gunslinger]

Originally posted by Saurdaukar
Dr. Boroda, please call extenstion 1917... Dr. Boroda, please call extenstion 1917.

He's busy at his new job;)

[ramzey]

Originally posted by Gunslinger
He's busy at his new job;)

yes:D