Originally posted by Skydancer
Lute you make some sense though I don't believe corporal punishment will solve it rather it'll make the violence worse. All you do is show that disputes or bad behaviour is solved by violence. That seems like the last lesson this little demon needs to learn.
Over the last 20-30 years corperal punishment at home and elsewhere has been on a steep decline, Yet voilence among youths is on a dramatic rise.
Clearly this "never hit the kids" is not the answer either.
thing is there is no single answer. You have to take the time to know your kids and know what works and what doesnt with them as individuals.
Some kids a good swat on the arse is all they understand.
Others you can beat till they are black and blue and it wont make a bit of difference.
Thing is for many violence is sometimes the answer. If you show someone that when they are violent that an even greater violence can be brought to bear against them in return they will be less inclined to be violent.
In other instances and for other kids punishment is sometimes enough. But, the punishment has to stick for it to be effective.
that means if you punish a kid by say, grounding him/her for a month then that punishment should last the full month and not 4-5 days untill the kid drives you crazy enough that you let them out early.
I've used both methods on my kids and I am blessed to say my kids are rarely a problem. But They know my punishments stick. I dont make empty promises and then dont follow through.
If I make a threat of violence they know they are only going to get warned once. Same thing if I say they will be grounded. they KNOW I will do it. so I only very rarely ever end up having to.
My wife on the other hand makes empty threats so they have been known to push as far as they can untill I get involved.
LOL Then she gets mad at me cause I only have to say something once and they listen. Hell half the time all I have to do is say their name and they will jump back in line over whatever the issue was
My responce is simple "You talk too friggen much and then dont do anything. So why should they take you seriously"
Talking things out with your kids is good,to a point. Then action must take place.
Example. Had a neighbor who's son could best be discribed as a monster at that time and would try to pull of anything and everything. His father and I talked about it on numerous occasions and I kept telling him that the only thing that kid needs is a good kick in the arse.
His responce was they didnt beleive in doing that they beleived that talking to the kid and giving him a "timeout" or grounding shouldl always be the answer and they never hit their kid.
Really I knew that was his wifes thinking and he was just obaying her rules as he didnt have the grapes to stand up to her. But I played along.
Fast forward about 6 months. the kid finally goes over the edge and takes a kniife and starts telling his sister he's going to stick her with it over some stupid BS. Parents hearing the commotion storm into the room and find out whats happening. Father grabs the kid and drags him into his room the mother yelling "Dont you hit him (dads name)" He turns to her "We've done it YOUR way long enough. Now we're gonna do it my way" and proceeds to tan the kids hide.
I was never so proud of that man as I was that day. Not so much just for finally giving the kid what he needed all along but in finally putting a pair of pants on and putting his wife in her place (somethng she also desperately needed) although temporarily
This was about 7 years ago
Well guess who after that had become and continues to be a different kid. He still has his moments but no worse then any other kid (now almost 18) But he hasnt and doesnt try to get away with murder anymore. He knows and admits freely that before he didnt understand there might be consequences for his actions and even he will say that ,that time and any other time since that he has been whacked, he deserved it.
On the other hand I have a nephew. Now that kid was also a monster. but with hm you could beat him till he bled and it wouldnt have done a bit of good.
What did work was when he was grounded or had something taken away from him.
Like I said. you have to know your kid and what things or combination of things work and what wont.
Each kid is different and there is no blanket solution.
On the other side you also have to let the kids know when they are doing good. The proverbial pat on the back.
And not just not just non stop telling them what they are doing wrong.
Positive and negative association.
