> The five toughest questions that women ask men and the answers...
>
> The questions are:
> 1. What are you thinking about?
> 2. Do you love me?
> 3. Do I look fat?
> 4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
> 5. What would you do if I died?
>
> What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is
> guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man
> answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a
> public service, each question is analyzed below, along with
> possible responses.
>
> Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
>
> The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've
> been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm,
> wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are,
> and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously
> bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely
> is one of the following:
>
> a. Football.
> b. Cricket.
> c. How fat you are.
> d. How much prettier she is than you.
> e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
>
> (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by
> Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I
> was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
>
> Question # 2: Do you love me?
>
> The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more
> detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate
> responses include:
>
> a. I suppose so.
> b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
> c. That depends on what you mean by love.
> d. Does it matter?
> e. Who, me?
>
> Question # 3: Do I look fat?
>
> The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among
> the incorrect answers are:
>
> a. Compared to what?
> b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
> c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
> d. I've seen fatter.
> e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking
> about how I would spend the insurance money if you
> died.
>
> Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
>
> Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course
> not!" Incorrect responses include:
>
> a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
> b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
> c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
> d. Define pretty.
> e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking
> about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
>
> Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
>
> A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is
> "Buy a BMW.") No matter how you answer this, be
> prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions,
> usually along the these lines:
>
> Woman: Would you get married again?
> Man: Definitely not!
> W: Why not, don't you like being married?
> M: Of course I do.
> W: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
> M: Okay, I'd get married again.
> W: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
> M: Yes, I would.
> W: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
> M: Where else would we sleep?
> W: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them
> with pictures of her?
> M: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
> W: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
> M: Of course not, Dear. She's left-handed.
>
