Author Topic: Double Secret Jury Duty  (Read 403 times)

Offline eskimo2

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« on: June 30, 2005, 05:25:54 PM »
So I have jury duty this week; I called in and wasn’t required on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday.  Thursday (today), however, I was required.  I show up, wait around, and then am sent to a criminal court with 39 other potential jurors.  There are multiple defendants and lawyers, so they need a big pool to choose/eliminate from.  The attorneys on both sides spend a few hours lecturing us and questioning us and weeding us out.  A few folks are let go for health and personal reasons.  By the early afternoon they have 12 jurors and two alternates.  The process involved eliminating jurors from the jury panel only.  When one gets the boot, the next potential juror in line from the audience seating takes the empty juror seat.  I was near the back so I felt pretty safe.  All of the attorneys finally said that they were happy with the panel.  There were just a few of us left that were not called up; I was second in line to become part of the jury or be eliminated.  The trial supposedly began right after we left.

The few remaining unselected (including myself) were sent home and instructed to call in for Friday.  We were told, however, that it would be very unlikely that there would be a new trial requiring jurors on a Friday.  I drive home thinking that I lucked out having to spend only one day on duty.

I get home and tell my wife all about my day.  Then the phone rings; I answer.  It’s the judge’s secretary telling me to report to the judge tomorrow morning.  Dumfounded, I answer’ “OK”.  

What the heck?  They selected a jury with two alternates.  It had only been about an hour since I left; the trial should have still been going.  What in the world could the judge want me for?  I’ve missed the beginning of the trial and there’s no way that they lost two jurors already.  I was possibly the most vocal out of the group, but didn’t really say anything out of place and didn’t try to get out of duty with anything I said.  Am I in trouble?  Perhaps there are secret trials where they try top secret space aliens for Earth crimes…  Am I going to serve on a Double Secret Jury?  I don’t get it.  

eskimo

Offline Gaylord

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2005, 05:29:25 PM »
Only guilty people are brought to trial- the innocent aren't even charged.

Vote for conviction.

Offline Maverick

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2005, 05:31:30 PM »
Tell your wife to pack your toothbrush........

It sounds like they may have had a serious error in the opening of the trial and had to scratch the jury and start over. Unusual but not unheard of.

Let us know what happens.  If we never hear from you again we'll have to assume the aliens got you and are doing experiments on you.
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Offline RTR

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2005, 05:33:56 PM »
Sounds to me like the trial didn't get started before there was some kind of problem with the selected jury.

Hope its a short and pretty straight forward trial Eskimo. It sounds like you are going to sit with the jury.

Unless that is, you really are a top secret Space Alien.

quick!...how many fingers are you holding up!

Hope it's okay Eskimo, and causes you as little disruption as possible with family.

RTR
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Offline Vulcan

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2005, 05:40:58 PM »
vaseline... don't forget vaseline.

Offline rpm

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2005, 05:53:41 PM »
Just print out this thread and make enough copies for all. I'm pretty sure you won't be on any jury.
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Offline Hangtime

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2005, 06:02:31 PM »
Just walk in, sing a coupla bars of 'Alices Restaurant', and sit down.

If just you do it, they'll think yer nuts, and they'll let yah go.

If you and another guy does it, in harmony; they'll think yer studmuffingots and they won't take either one of yah.

If three people... just three people walk in, sing a bar or two of 'Alices Restaruant' and siddown.. why, they may think it's an organization...

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant..
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant,
Walk right in, it's around the back;
Just a half a mile from the railroad track..
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
(excepting Alice)
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Offline rpm

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2005, 06:07:40 PM »
Son, have you ever been arrested?
My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Stay thirsty my friends.

Offline Hangtime

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2005, 06:14:57 PM »
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say".. and he talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there..

..there on the other side,

..in the middle of the other side,

..away from everything else on the other side,

..in parentheses,

..capital letters,

..quotated,

read the following words:

("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean[/b] that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug."  

He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington."
The price of Freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle, anywhere, any time and with utter recklessness...

...at home, or abroad.

Offline Toad

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2005, 07:27:12 PM »
You want out right away?

Tell them if you stay you're going to have to call and get someone to stand in for you tomorrow when you're supposed to chair the local meeting of the National Rifle Association.

The next sound you hear will be the defense attorney hitting the floor as he faints.

You'll be outta there.
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Offline lasersailor184

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2005, 07:49:57 PM »
LMFAO!  Toad just pwned Hangtime.
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Offline Maverick

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2005, 09:48:44 PM »
Show up with a piece of string and practice tying hangmans knots.
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Offline FiLtH

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #12 on: July 01, 2005, 01:08:48 AM »
Defendant: You see your honor...I admit I did it. But I wasnt alone. You see I had help. As a matter of fact..the one who helped me was here earlier today. His name...(Dun dun Dunnnn!).. is Eskimo Fudgebar!

AUDIENCE: (GASP!)

Judge:Excuse me while I make a phonecall.

~AoM~

Offline DREDIOCK

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #13 on: July 01, 2005, 01:21:28 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Hangtime
Just walk in, sing a coupla bars of 'Alices Restaurant', and sit down.

If just you do it, they'll think yer nuts, and they'll let yah go.

If you and another guy does it, in harmony; they'll think yer studmuffingots and they won't take either one of yah.

If three people... just three people walk in, sing a bar or two of 'Alices Restaruant' and siddown.. why, they may think it's an organization...

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant..
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant,
Walk right in, it's around the back;
Just a half a mile from the railroad track..
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
(excepting Alice)


LMAO..classic
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For those who wish to know
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What fate the future holds
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Offline Momus--

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Double Secret Jury Duty
« Reply #14 on: July 01, 2005, 03:24:25 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Toad
You want out right away?

Tell them if you stay you're going to have to call and get someone to stand in for you tomorrow when you're supposed to chair the local meeting of the National Rifle Association.

The next sound you hear will be the defense attorney hitting the floor as he faints.

You'll be outta there.


:lol brilliant.