Author Topic: Just to lighten the mood........ (Read 275 times)

StarOfAfrica2 · « **on:** September 02, 2005, 04:53:02 PM »

Both the military and religion are hot button topics here, and often get people worked up. Take a second to lighten up.

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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" he asked the pastor.

The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked,
"Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

Holden McGroin · « **Reply #1 on:** September 02, 2005, 05:02:56 PM »

So a pastor in a bayou church a coupla days ago...

He was in his church an the water was rising, and the sherriff came by in a pickup and said "Hop in pastor, water's rising."

The pastor declined, said "No thank you, the Lord will provide for me, there is a needier family down the road and you should help those folks."

A couple of hours later the water had risen enough that the pastor was on the second floor of the church leaning out the window.

An emergency flood crew happened by in a bass boat and said "Hop in pastor, water's rising."

The pastor once again declined, said "No thank you, the Lord will provide for me, there is a needier family down the road and you should help those folks."

An hour or so later, he was on the top of the steeple, and a National Guard helicopter dropped a crewman down on a winch. "Grap hold pastor, water risin!"

The pastor once again declined, said "No thank you, the Lord will provide for me, there is a needier family down the road and you should help those folks."

The next thing you know, the Pastor is standing before Saint Peter, confused. "I don't understand, I've been a good Christian and followed the word all my life, and yet when it came to crunch time, the Lord didn't provide."

Peter said, "We sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter..."

StarOfAfrica2 · « **Reply #2 on:** September 02, 2005, 05:15:04 PM »

Amazing what a difference 50 years will make huh?

Gunslinger · « **Reply #3 on:** September 02, 2005, 05:30:01 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Holden McGroin
So a pastor in a bayou church a coupla days ago...

He was in his church an the water was rising, and the sherriff came by in a pickup and said "Hop in pastor, water's rising."

The pastor declined, said "No thank you, the Lord will provide for me, there is a needier family down the road and you should help those folks."

A couple of hours later the water had risen enough that the pastor was on the second floor of the church leaning out the window.

An emergency flood crew happened by in a bass boat and said "Hop in pastor, water's rising."

The pastor once again declined, said "No thank you, the Lord will provide for me, there is a needier family down the road and you should help those folks."

An hour or so later, he was on the top of the steeple, and a National Guard helicopter dropped a crewman down on a winch. "Grap hold pastor, water risin!"

The pastor once again declined, said "No thank you, the Lord will provide for me, there is a needier family down the road and you should help those folks."

The next thing you know, the Pastor is standing before Saint Peter, confused. "I don't understand, I've been a good Christian and followed the word all my life, and yet when it came to crunch time, the Lord didn't provide."

Peter said, "We sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter..."

now THAT'S funny.

StarOfAfrica2 · « **Reply #4 on:** September 02, 2005, 05:36:32 PM »

I'm afraid in this case, I'd have to side with the Republican.

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How do you tell the difference between
Democrats, Republicans and
Southern Republicans?

The answer can be found by posing the following
question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a gun, and you are an expert marksman.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor? Or Oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such
behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or the Hollow Points?"

AdmRose · « **Reply #5 on:** September 02, 2005, 10:41:45 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by StarOfAfrica2
Amazing what a difference 50 years will make huh?

Seeing a woman being a little gay always lightens my mood.

Sandman · « **Reply #6 on:** September 03, 2005, 12:16:22 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by StarOfAfrica2
Amazing what a difference 50 years will make huh?

Having just watched "Little Big Man", this list is incomplete.

Jack Crabb: Grandfather, I have a white wife.
Old Lodge Skins: You do? That's interesting. Does she cook and does she work hard.
Jack Crabb: Yes, Grandfather.
Old Lodge Skins: That surprises me. Does she show pleasant enthusiasm when you mount her?
Jack Crabb: Well sure, Grandfather.
Old Lodge Skins: That surprises me even more. I tried one of them once, but she didn't show any enthusiasm at all.