Need some Honest Advice.

[AWMac]

Okay here how it goes:

4 Months ago I made a friend. She was kewl. we talked about everything in the early Months. She has a Daughter from a prev marriage and living with a BF.  We always took our smoke breaks together and in the early morning was on cell phones searching for the free parking spaces downtown Tulsa.  Cell phone to Cell phone.. It worked, we saved money both of us.  
  To make a long story short, yeah right Mac with a short story, I called her on her Birthday 30th of DEC, didn't want to leave a VM so I called her the next day at a reasonalble time 12:45pm. She was at home. Brief call less than 5 mins.
  We would race to free parking spots, save one for another and race off for the other. We got Ice water at 7:15 and smoked until we had to go to work. 9:am we'd smoke and chat together 20 mins, Lunch time sometimes we'de eat together or apart, workload.
  So the friendship continued, she quit smoking at New Years, she was really *****y, but I supported her thru it as much as I could. Well the 4th Day into her quiting smoking, she IM's me, we work same Company and after about 20mins of conversation, she say oh btw my BF says we can't be friends anymore.  I asked her what she felt about it and she said we'll he was mad that you called me at home after my Birthday.
  Since then she doesn't talk to me, she avoids parking in the free posts that we used to do...and we never chat. She has a 8 year old Daughter and we used to talked about children.
  Bottom line is this is the first time someone had ever told someone that they could NOT be friends with me.  The Day she told me that I went to see her and she was in tears, guess it hurt her also.
  I'm married 25 years, children the whole nine yards.. not looking for something strange. I just feel awkward. I had a Friend until her Boyfriend said we couldn't be friends anymore.  First time for me.
  It hurts to lose a friend.

mac

any input would be greatly appreciated....this is streesing.

Mac

[culero]

Originally posted by AWMac
snip

any input would be greatly appreciated....this is streesing.

Mac

You can't control how/why other people make choices. For your own benefit, get over it. It is what it is, and sometimes that's about all you can say.

culero

[lasersailor184]

Just imagine some dude was really really good friends with your wife.  They would talk a lot, spend a lot of time together...  I'd be willing to bet you'd get pissed.



Best way out of it I can see is to try and get a two family get together.  I.E. Invite them over for a barbecue.

[AWMac]

That might be a good idea LaserSailor.  But then again she won't talk to me and she was always te 1st to ask about going on breaks. I believe her BF is really controlling.

[AWMac]

Hell when I was a young dog I'd chase cars, now at my age I bark at the parked ones.

Never had a Friendship ripped away from me over a maybe jealous boyfriend.

Just feel really awkword and a lil hurt that she cant look me in the eye and tell/say whey the friendship is over. Heh, just when you think you've met or seen the  strangest crap, more pops up.


mac

[AWMac]

Originally posted by lasersailor184
Just imagine some dude was really really good friends with your wife.  They would talk a lot, spend a lot of time together...  I'd be willing to bet you'd get pissed.



Best way out of it I can see is to try and get a two family get together.  I.E. Invite them over for a barbecue.

BTDT, wife is a Suichi Chef in a very good Oriental Resturant..she has old male friends from last resturants call.   I felt at first uncomfortable until I knew for sure what it was all about. Now I don't mind.

mac

Stil it would be imature to tell my wife that she couldn't have him as a friend.  Imagine your wife telling you that any female at your work, pick one you like, that you couldn't be friends.  And have to tell her "obtw my GF says we can't be friends anymore.".

[GtoRA2]

Mac
 Your best bet is just letting it go, you do not want to be the guy she blames for getting her beat up or them breaking up ETC.



Just let it go, your job could be at stake too.


It's sad, but this could go bad in so many ways it just isnt worth the risk.

[AWMac]

You're right... haven't seen her nor talked with her in 8 Days now.  It's just the 1st time I ever expierienced something like this.  If you ask me it sounds more like 3rd grade. not gonna stoop that low.

Mac

*but it still hurts a bit, lessons learned.*

[lasersailor184]

Disagree completely.  If nothing comes of the get together, then you should forget it.

[Gunslinger]

with woman, what I find works is honesty.  Be honest and tell her the same stuff you are telling us.  Then do sailors idea (as long as your wife is cool) and invite them over for a family get together.  

If that doesnt work oh well.  I've lost many guy and girl friends due to their current relationships.  If they can't seperate or be their own people, well oh well.

The only thing you can do is tell them how you feel and hope it works out.  My wife is a bartender and meets ALOT of guys at work.  Sometimes they want to get together and do something with both of us with "I'd love to meet your husband"  Personally I despise this but know that these are customers of my wife and they usually arent bad people.  If it's a family thing (IE wives and kids) it makes it much more bareable and I can actually relate to the guy my wife is talking to.

The worse thing a guy can do (that is friends with my wife but not me) is patronize me about how "great" my wife is.

[Eagler]

Originally posted by AWMac
...  If you ask me it sounds more like 3rd grade. not gonna stoop that low.

what  lasersailor184 said but forget the bbq, makes ya sound like a stalker or something...
think of it this way, your smoke breaks with her enabled her to quit an unheathly habit

[Stringer]

I would wait until the second recess, and then, while Mrs. Kravits isn't looking, meet her by the monkey bars on the jungle gym.  Of course you'll need Sarah to slip her a note during social studies to set the whole thing up, so make sure you get the note to Sarah either at home room or during lunch in the cafeteria.  That way, Mr. Olsen won't notice it, since he always reads during lunch at the teacher's table.

[Ripsnort]

Quit smoking too and I'll bet you have a friend back.

[Yeager]

Dont sweat it.  If she had any balls he would have straightened her BF out in a hurry.

Just accept it and get over it.

And yes, STOP SMOKING!

Damn Stringer, you nailed it haha

[capt. apathy]

women and met can rarely be close friends unless there is something that makes any thought of sex absolutely out.  if nature of the relation ship is that you see her more as family than a friend,  one or both of you find the other physically repulsive, or one or both of you are gay.

a lot of people think they have good friends of the opposite sex, but usually they end up finding out that the other person is either waiting for you to have a fight with your GF, of is keeping you on-deck in case the current BF doesn't work out.

check out the Tom Lykis show some time.  the guy is a complete bellybutton and morally bankrupt, but spot on when he talks about friends of the opposite sex.
 a couple times a week he'll have some gal call in and say how wrong he is and how her best friend for years is a guy and there is no sexual feelings at all.  
so he says prove it.  he puts the call on the air and has her call up the 'purely Platonic' friend and tell him how she has these suppressed feelings for him and wants to meet him at a local hotel.  every single time the guy jumps on it.
sometimes it's a guy that calls in (not nearly as often as the women).  he calls the chick and it works out the same way.

your friendship was doomed anyway.  if you run into your former friends BF thank him for saving your marriage.