You know you're a Republican when...
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
you are not at all embarrassed by Tom Delay. Or Jack Abramoff. Or Scooter Libby.
it's OK with you if the government taps your phone and reads your email.
you're poor and country, and you think George W. Bush is just a good ol' boy.
you're rich and corporate, and you know George W. Bush is your boy.
you believe it is really OK to spend $5 billion a month in Iraq, while at the same time 44 million Americans have no health insurance.
you still think Saddam must have had a hand in 9 / 11.
you believe the WMDs are there somewhere. We just haven't found them yet.
you believe you are supporting the troops by placing a yellow magnet "Support the Troops" ribbon on your SUV.
you are convinced that a couple of guys marrying each other will doom your marriage.
you think it is the government's job to force women to have babies -- at least, poor women who can't afford to go to Switzerland for an abortion like they did before Roe.
you think Rush tells you the truth. And O'Reilly. And Hannity.
you see nothing wrong with revealing the identity of an undercover CIA agent.
you are not at all embarrassed by Pat Robertson.
you think labor unions present dangerous interference with corporate decision-making.
you think environmental laws present dangerous interference with corporate decision-making.
you don't mind at all that you are paying for Bush's tax breaks to the top 1 percent.
you think George W. Bush is doing a heckuva job.