Reason I hav'nt been on lately

[Yeager]

Flit, with all due respcet, I feel your pain.

Just love the gal and let her go.  If she flys away....well, you know the rest of the story.

[Flit]

I agreed to separate on saturday- Things are much better stress wise, and I think that she will change her mind once she's gone for a while.
 She probably won't even move out till after Thanksgiving, or possibly Christmas, so I have some time to work on it.
 As I said , we arent fighting and still get along great, and I think that anyone who's been married for a period of time knows that relationships go though these cycles of attraction/ Non attraction.
 It's the first Marriage for both of us, so I'm hoping that she will realize that what she is feeling is pretty common, and we just have to work through it and not just give up.
 In the meantime, she has agreed to go to counciling, and even seems to be excited to go, which is why I hav'nt givin up hope yep.
 BTW- For allyou detractors out there, and you know who you are- We are going out on a date Saturday night- does that sound like it's over and done with to you ?
 Like I said- If you have nothing nice to say, just stay out, I don't need it right now.
 Peace
  Flit

[ChickenHawk]

It's obvious you still want to work it out.  The only question left is does she want to give it another shot or is her mind made up?

If she wants to leave I don't think there is much you can do.  But if she is willing to try, then both of you need to see a good marriage counselor.  If you religious then get one of the same faith.  No marriage is so far gone that it can't be fixed if both partners really want it to and work hard at making the necessary changes.

Edit: It's a good sign she is willing to do counseling.  There is hope.

[lazs2]

not to make light of it but..  The first divorce is the hardest.

If you have to change to much about yourself in order to keep her... it won't work..  you will resent having to do so and it will show eventually.

women also work on a different clock... when they feel the blush coming off the rose they get a little desperate...  they figure they better get busy if they aren't absolutely happy in evey respect... they want to catch mr right before gravity catches them.

lazs

[Gh0stFT]

Originally posted by Flit
I have been sitting at home on the 'puter since we got married... while she has wanted to travel and do other things.

hey Flit,
ive heard alot of similar storys here, the computer is the most important thing until its to late.

Maybe its a good thing to change the sig now too?

sorry for you and best of luck!

R
Gh0stFT

[DREDIOCK]

Originally posted by BigGun
I think he all ready said it, he has been home playing on computer since married while she has wanted to travel and do other things.

could be he'd rather stay home and save money then go out and blow money they couldnt afford to.

I've seen that before.
People who have to have that good time now and worry about the cost later. Or piss away what money they have now then not have it when they need it.

In fact my father was like that.

not everyone can easily afford to go out on vacations regularly. Or go out on the town all the time.
But many do anyway and say damn the cost.

And since I know Flit. I think its safe to say he wasnt on the computer "all the time"

[FiLtH]

Step 1. Get rid of computer

[Bodhi]

Flit,
I have to echo what Filth says.  If you do love her and really want to make this work, and the computer is an issue, get rid of it.  I for one hope you work it out.  Been down the road of divorce twice.  First time was my fault to a point (I did not cheat), 2nd was not.  Anyways, do the best you can to reconcile, and do it for you.  Also, it is best for the two of you to goto a paralegal together and draw up an agreement on your seperation, IE assets.  Trust me, you are best off doing it.  Remember, you get to live with what is given up if you are blinded by love...

Anyways, a big ole prayer that it works!   man

[eagl]

I heard that same story from another friend of mine...  Turns out she'd met someone on her trip and decided she wanted a trade-in.

Do some research and see if she's seeing someone else.  Delay the separation long enough and the truth will come out.

[lasersailor184]

Originally posted by Ripsnort
Trial separation means its a done deal IMO. I'd stay friends, and move along. There are a ton of fish in the sea...

[SIZE=8]NO![/SIZE] Bad Rip!  Bad!


The moment either of you leave the house (I.E. Move out for trial seperation) it is known as abandonement in the court system.  The person who is abandoned then gets to butt rape the other person in the divorce.


What ever you do, don't move out.  Ever.  Even if you're on the brink of killing her.  

Of course, it's OK if SHE moves out.  Nothing wrong about that, right?  

[Sixpence]

Originally posted by lazs2
not to make light of it but..  The first divorce is the hardest.

Yeah, the next six are a piece of cake!

I looked at the age difference, this might be what's on her mind, what life might be like 10-20 years down the road.

[moot]

Take it easy, Flit, in true love, nothing hurts.  Lose the computer asap, though.

Laser, Rip didn't say "move out".

[lasersailor184]

Oh whoops.  I saw "I'd stay friends" didn't understand it and thought he meant "I'd stay with friends".

[Gunthr]

Hi Flit,  I wish you the best.  I wouldn't be optimistic about it, though.

You don't have any chance at all to save this marraige unless you immediately stop blaming it all on yourself (takes 2 to tango), and above all, get out of that frame of mind that your life's happiness depends on her.  If you are projecting that crap, you can guarauntee that there will be no chemistry and she won't respect you.  She has kept this all a secret from you, so you know that this one has no real intention of including you in her plans, especially if she finds that you have no strength of character and think so little of yourself that you think you can't live without her, and are willing to change who you are, for her.

I trully empathise with you, but you have to dig deep in times like this.  Give yourself some credit for being a good man, which plenty of women are looking for.  Above all, be strong, acknowledge that your dream is probably over, and face the future.  Encourage her to move out.  Make the bimbo respect you if nothing else.  Who knows, she might come crawling, but I wouldn't be too quick take her back.  g'luck

[Maverick]

Flit,

I saw counseling already mentioned. I want to stress that this is where you should be taking this issue right now. It's not the computer alone here in your situation. You need to get some professional help here and I can't recomend going to some kind of marriage counselor strongly enough. Both of you need to have a detatched outside person help you work through the issues. Both of you will be unable to see the real points for the other without some guidance. If you do nothing else to try and salvage the marriage, counseling is where yu should be running, not walking to.

Good luck to you.