Author Topic: Reason I hav'nt been on lately (Read 1404 times)

nirvana · « **Reply #30 on:** October 20, 2006, 09:47:34 AM »

Best of luck to you Flit.

Recap · « **Reply #31 on:** October 20, 2006, 10:09:52 AM »

Been there done that. Knew things could have been better and would have worked on things if told she wasn't happy. Some people are so conflict avoident that they would rather just ignore the problem until it's too late. Atleast yours didnt just up and one day call you on the phone and say she wanted a divorce and to be out of the house by noon the next day. Best thing that ever happened to me though. Hang in there, it's hell, but gets a lot better.

p.s. spending all your time on the computer means you weren't happy either

LePaul · « **Reply #32 on:** October 20, 2006, 11:00:16 AM »

I dont have the delicate prose of Seagoon...but if she's been thinking this for 3 years...she just let you in on it before popping papers. Or something.

Wish I could think of more positive things to say....good luck.

wooley · « **Reply #33 on:** October 20, 2006, 11:02:14 AM »

Bummer Flit - I feel for you, I really do. I've seen too many friends go through this kind of thing over the last couple of years.

Quote

Originally posted by Sixpence
...I looked at the age difference...

I noticed this as well. If you don't mind me asking Flit, how long have you guys been together? Obviously I wont be offended if you tell me to ****-off and mind my own business.

Flit · « **Reply #34 on:** October 20, 2006, 11:53:17 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by wooley
Bummer Flit - I feel for you, I really do. I've seen too many friends go through this kind of thing over the last couple of years.

I noticed this as well. If you don't mind me asking Flit, how long have you guys been together? Obviously I wont be offended if you tell me to ****-off and mind my own business.

7 years, Married for 5 and a half-
I'm pretty sure the age differange has some to do with it, but I think it's more of a "O my God I'm 31 and I'm getting old" mid life crisis.
We are going to counciling together, but have only been to one so far.
We go again tomorrow morning, then we are going to start counciling with a local paster that I know.
At least she's willing to talk, so far.
I did give her a nice back rub last night, and "got her goin" a bit, then she pulled back and accused me of "taking advantage".
It's funny how after she got up off the couch to go to bed she "galloped" across the house a couple of times, which is a sure sign she was happy, even if she would'nt admit it.
So I know that even though she say's I don't turn her on anymore, it's not the whole truth. All I can do is be strong and hope that she will start thinking about what we have together, instead of what she thinks might be out there.
I remember not 2 years ago , she came out and asked me if I would ever Divorce her- I said whats up with that, of course not. It turns out one of her co-worker's was going thruogh a nasty Divorce, and she did'nt want to have to deal with that, never mind the fact that she said she did'nt want to go through the whole dating scene agian.
As for the 'puter time- I am no longer on it when she's home, I'm with her unless she needs some space.We've acually been spending quite a bit of time together the past 2 weeks, so I'm hoping she will see the light eventually.
The thing that really bugs me is the "I want a trial separation" followed by the "how should we divide our assets". That to me seems to indicate that she has made up her mind. All I can do is continue to love her and hope the spark comes back.
Thanks for all the good wishes, it does make a difference !

Flit · « **Reply #35 on:** October 20, 2006, 11:55:50 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by LePaul
I dont have the delicate prose of Seagoon...but if she's been thinking this for 3 years...she just let you in on it before popping papers. Or something.

Wish I could think of more positive things to say....good luck.

Thanks-
I think she's just throwing that number out. I also think that some of the things she said were designed to piss me off and make it easier for me to say "GO"!
Like I said, I have not yet givin up the fight

Flit · « **Reply #36 on:** October 20, 2006, 11:57:40 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Gunthr
Hi Flit, I wish you the best. I wouldn't be optimistic about it, though.

You don't have any chance at all to save this marraige unless you immediately stop blaming it all on yourself (takes 2 to tango), and above all, get out of that frame of mind that your life's happiness depends on her. If you are projecting that crap, you can guarauntee that there will be no chemistry and she won't respect you. She has kept this all a secret from you, so you know that this one has no real intention of including you in her plans, especially if she finds that you have no strength of character and think so little of yourself that you think you can't live without her, and are willing to change who you are, for her.

I trully empathise with you, but you have to dig deep in times like this. Give yourself some credit for being a good man, which plenty of women are looking for. Above all, be strong, acknowledge that your dream is probably over, and face the future. Encourage her to move out. Make the bimbo respect you if nothing else. Who knows, she might come crawling, but I wouldn't be too quick take her back. g'luck

Good advice, which I shall take, except for the last paragraph (:
Thanks

Flit · « **Reply #37 on:** October 20, 2006, 11:59:33 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by eagl
I heard that same story from another friend of mine... Turns out she'd met someone on her trip and decided she wanted a trade-in.

Do some research and see if she's seeing someone else. Delay the separation long enough and the truth will come out.

I know for a fact it's not anyone else- how I know that I'm not at liberty to say.
Let's just say I've done /am doing some research.

Flit · « **Reply #38 on:** October 20, 2006, 12:03:12 PM »

BTW- I can't seem to remember how to change my sig- a little help please ?
It seem that all of this has brought the sensitive writer/artist in me, and I would like to share some gushy Hiakus

rpm · « **Reply #39 on:** October 20, 2006, 12:08:06 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Bodhi
Best of luck to yas Flit.

Do the smart thing though, and go talk to an attorney and protect as much of your assets as possible.

This is the best advice that anyone has posted here. Sorry that things didn't work out for ya Flit, but keep your chin up and stand your ground. Don't let emotions take control of better sense. Hire a good attorney to look out for you interest.

lasersailor184 · « **Reply #40 on:** October 20, 2006, 12:30:08 PM »

Sorry Flit. Sometimes I suffer from "Jump to conclusion"itis. But my advise about leaving stands. And I need to reiterate it.

Do not leave to stay with a friend, as part of the trial seperaton, or anything else. If you have a bad argument, do not leave. DO NOT LEAVE.

She will try to have you leave the house as part of the trial seperation. Her lawyer will tell her to do this, because of abandonment issues.

The first person to actually stay at another person's place is leaving the "marriage house," and thus abandoning the marriage. This person will lose the divorce, if you can talk about winning and losing it.

Eagler · « **Reply #41 on:** October 20, 2006, 12:43:52 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Flit
The thing that really bugs me is the "I want a trial separation" followed by the "how should we divide our assets". That to me seems to indicate that she has made up her mind....

yep, seems that way to most of us too ...
just remember before you go too crazy over that one:

Flit · « **Reply #42 on:** October 20, 2006, 01:39:54 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by lasersailor184
Sorry Flit. Sometimes I suffer from "Jump to conclusion"itis. But my advise about leaving stands. And I need to reiterate it.

Do not leave to stay with a friend, as part of the trial seperaton, or anything else. If you have a bad argument, do not leave. DO NOT LEAVE.

She will try to have you leave the house as part of the trial seperation. Her lawyer will tell her to do this, because of abandonment issues.

The first person to actually stay at another person's place is leaving the "marriage house," and thus abandoning the marriage. This person will lose the divorce, if you can talk about winning and losing it.

She has already agreed to be the one to move, so no worries on that one

Flit · « **Reply #43 on:** October 20, 2006, 01:44:46 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Flit
BTW- I can't seem to remember how to change my sig- a little help please ?
It seem that all of this has brought the sensitive writer/artist in me, and I would like to share some gushy Hiakus

Never Mind, I got it

Grayeagle · « **Reply #44 on:** October 20, 2006, 03:20:06 PM »

Flit:

'Have a little faith, baby!' (tm Oddball, in Kelly's Hero's)

Faith in yourself.
She is puttin you thru a wringer dropping this on you.
Dood .. it's not all on you.

Every woman I have ever known envies any time spent by their man/pet/lapdog away from *them* doing something that we enjoy doing ..
.. *especially* if they aren't doing it because .

I've been married since April, 1971.
There are still times when my wife/best friend gets her hackles up because I DON'T come and sit in her lap when she demands it.

example:
Early in our marriage I used to go 'cruising' every Saturday nite .. a lil street racin, a lil socializing with other gearheads, seein what others did to their cars and exchangin ideas .. she didn't like 'cruising' much and often as not had to stay home when we had little ones until they were old enough to ride in a car seat.

It was our first test as she had her tantrum, tears, tryin her best for the guilt trip ..the whole show. Threatened divorce and movin back to her mom.

I told her I would help her pack. After I got back from 'the cruise.'
Saturday nites .. I cruised .. did it before she met me, was my one night a week entertainment to keep me 'sane' ..and if she wanted a poodle to sit in her lap, then go get one.

-GE