Author Topic: A portion of my final Geology paper  (Read 489 times)

Offline porkfrog

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A portion of my final Geology paper
« on: December 01, 2006, 06:27:46 PM »
at the grand ol' age of 33, i have finally started college. below is a portion of my final Geology 100 paper i was hoping some of you might read. all comments/critiques welcome.




   I was born in the desert. Not literally of course, because the hospital where I was born had water, which the deserts of our planet have very little of, as few as 25 centimeters per year to be exact. My hometown of Boulder City, Nevada is almost centered in the Basin and Range area of the American southwest, a seemingly barren landscape scorched dry due both to it’s proximity to the 30° North parallel and the rain shadow zone caused by the Sierra Nevada range to the west. The Patagonia Desert in South America and the Gobi Desert in China are further examples of a mountain range induced rain shadow zone; with the Andes and the Himalayas being the respective culprits. I spent my childhood chasing horned-toads and chuckwallas in what bears a striking resemblance to the surface of Mars, though I don’t believe Mars has cactus or rattlesnakes. And while I don’t know what the surface temperature on Mars is, I’d wager it couldn’t be much hotter. Temperatures in excess of 140°F have been recorded in some of the world’s deserts, and I have personally seen what happens to people who venture out unprepared into conditions like that.

   Due to global air circulation, those regions nearest the 30th parallels have predominately clear skies with little rain and massive amounts of sunshine. These two factors combine to produce an environment with a high evaporation rate, creating some of the most hostile environments to life on this planet. In the arid deserts, the lack of water limits the amount and type of plant life that can survive, and therefore present a wide open landscape for the wind to punish all else into submission.  With few trees to speak of- and with the plant types that can survive being short in stature and frail in bulk- the wind is a merciless tyrant who erodes everything at will. There’s a saying about weather in the desert, “It’s either hot, windy, or both!” The rain comes so infrequently that you begin to forget there is such a thing, but when it does arrive, it doesn’t fool around, often dumping several inches in only a couple of hours. Some of the most amazing and violent storms I have ever witnessed happen in the desert. It’s also one of the most dangerous times to be outside. The soil having been baked in the Sun until it’s as hard as concrete is unable to absorb the rapid influx of water and massive, vehement flash floods occur. They scour the landscape like angry liquid bulldozers destroying everything in their path. In areas experiencing desertification, humankind is reminded of how unforgiving the desert is. Areas once heavily populated and foliated are now void of anything but sand, rocks, and the remnants of civilization, which the desert will consume in due time. In closing, I will end with a quote of my own- a friend from back East once asked me what is was like to live where I did, my reply, “Everything dies in the desert.”
« Last Edit: December 01, 2006, 06:30:29 PM by porkfrog »
-JoLLY
Pigs On The Wing

Offline Hawklore

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A portion of my final Geology paper
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2006, 09:14:15 PM »
So...

You are ultimatlely responsible for deserts?
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion;
respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life." - Chief Tecumseh

Offline Neubob

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« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2006, 09:19:15 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Hawklore
So...

You are ultimatlely responsible for deserts?


The review:

A feeble, primitive attempt at wit, delivered with equal doses of childish directness and merciful brevity. Reading this, one dares ask: Was this designed to get a laugh at all? The inevitable answer to this question begs another: Why bother?

D

Offline Hawklore

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« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2006, 09:23:25 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Neubob
The review:

A feeble, primitive attempt at wit, delivered with equal doses of childish directness and merciful brevity. Reading this, one dares ask: Was this designed to get a laugh at all? The inevitable answer to this question begs another: Why bother?

D


The review of the review.

A feeble, attempt at wit, delivered with equal doses of childish directness and merciful brevity. Reading this, one dares ask: Was this designed to get a laugh?

The inevitable answer to this question begs another: Why bother?

:aok
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion;
respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life." - Chief Tecumseh

Offline Vudak

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A portion of my final Geology paper
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2006, 09:56:19 PM »
Well, I'd assume the teacher knows what the question was...  But I can't really tell from reading it...  (I do take it you were asked to describe a desert in some way).

Don't get me wrong - I like how you start this one off...  But if you're going to write like this, it might be worth it to type out the question in bold above your answer so the reader knows what's going on completely, you know?

Also, those are kinda big paragraphs.  You may be able to break them up a little with some minor rewording.

All in all, I like your stye and I enjoyed the piece.  It has wit, and it has a good tempo to it.  But the "in closing" sentence throws off the tempo.  I'd try to find another way to lead into the end.

Good writing though, and congrats on getting to college! Where are you trying to go with that, if you don't mind my asking?
Vudak
352nd Fighter Group

Offline Debonair

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A portion of my final Geology paper
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2006, 10:08:35 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by
The review:

A feeble, primitive attempt at wit, delivered with equal doses of childish directness and merciful brevity. Reading this, one dares ask: Was this designed to get a laugh at all? The inevitable answer to this question begs another: Why bother?

D



no link to your myspace page?

Offline Neubob

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« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2006, 11:19:40 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Debonair
no link to your myspace page?


The Review:

A formuliac approach that nevertheless prevails by virtue of its timeliness and topicality. Brief and unpretentious, the composer manages a suprisingly valid observation. Whether this observation is reached through perception, or mere luck, however, is not clear.

B

Offline Debonair

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« Reply #7 on: December 01, 2006, 11:36:45 PM »
OMFG :mad: :mad: :mad: u graded me down cause i didn't show my work!?!?!!?11/:furious :furious :furious

i used a google image search to get the picture http://images.google.com/images?&rls=en&q=%22attention%20potato%22

Offline Neubob

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« Reply #8 on: December 01, 2006, 11:56:14 PM »
lol

Offline Skeen

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A portion of my final Geology paper
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2006, 12:14:32 AM »
Let us know how it goes man.  I've got finals in two weeks so I know how it feels.

Offline porkfrog

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« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2006, 11:02:41 AM »
i just spent 30 mins typing out a lengthy email that answered all the previous questions, and when I went to post, I had times out! =( I don't have the time or energy to do it all over. So, here's a brief synopsis.


:rofl NEUBOB! That's some funny S you wrote. Wish I could write like that. Show's a depth of intellect, is hilarious, and I think I smelled a hint of sarcasm.


I had to answer 3 questions in 2 paragraphs or less. Roughly I had to touch on deserts and their geographic locations, what caused them to be where they were, water and wind erosion, and desertification.

Why? Cause I'm working on an AA in Marine Science AND needed some credits in Natural Science to take a certain exam being offered by the Sate of California.


Lastly, I don't like the ending either Vudak. It does kinda ruin the flow of the preceding work. Too late now though, I already sent it in.
-JoLLY
Pigs On The Wing

Offline Neubob

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« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2006, 11:08:56 AM »
Good luck with school, Jolly. I'm in the midst of a similar ordeal right now, so I sympathize completely. The one rule that I've managed to come up with in regards to writing, any writing, is that no matter what the subject matter, it's okay to have fun with it.  If you can derive some pleasure from the dullest of topics, you're most likely way ahead of the game... Some of us, of course, insist on deriving pleasure from immature zings on an online forum.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2006, 11:11:10 AM by Neubob »

Offline porkfrog

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« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2006, 11:24:34 AM »
yeah, that first reply confused me also. i was ok with the zing, but some validation behind it would have been nice. i really just had a blank look on my face, which i happen to have a lot fo the time anyway =)


btw- what's going on with you? why no flying?
-JoLLY
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Offline Neubob

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« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2006, 11:37:06 AM »
Jolly, I was zinging Hawklore for his little response to your request for a critique. I saw nothing wrong, or childish about your paper at all, and I apologize if that's what you thought I was getting at.

I'm not flying because of Law School. I'm off for the next 4 days and then exams. We have one exam in each class and it's worth between 90-100% of the grade, so the stress level is a bit high.

That's just between us though. The official story is that I'm not flying until they add a JS series tank and an IL-2 with 37mm cannon:)

Offline porkfrog

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« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2006, 11:39:37 AM »
NO!!! I must have worded myself incorrectly. I knew exactly what YOU were saying. I laughed my arnold off at your response. It was HIS reply that had me puzzled.

Sorry for the confusion.
-JoLLY
Pigs On The Wing