Author Topic: Marriage counceling (Read 1244 times)

DREDIOCK · « **on:** January 08, 2008, 06:32:50 PM »

Anyone been through it?

What did you think of it?

And..yes

Blooz · « **Reply #1 on:** January 08, 2008, 10:04:39 PM »

Yes.

Didn't work worth dang.

Toad · « **Reply #2 on:** January 08, 2008, 10:08:28 PM »

In my next life, I want to be one.

Me: "Bob, how did you feel when Mary threw her cast iron skillet through your 52" plasma TV during the Superbowl's opening kickoff?"

Bob: "I wanted to kill the little beach!"

Me: "Mary, how does that make you feel when Bob voices his frustration at your actions?"

Mary: "Well, I would say...."

Me: "OOPS! Our time is up for this week. We'll meet again next week at the same time. See my receptionist on the way out and she'll process your bill".

sgt203 · « **Reply #3 on:** January 09, 2008, 04:35:42 AM »

Yes been there.

I learned some things.

Cant really say it worked, although Im still married to the same gal

Blooz · « **Reply #4 on:** January 09, 2008, 05:39:02 AM »

Marriage Guidance Counsellor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrTBlV-FGbc

lazs2 · « **Reply #5 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:27:02 AM »

been through it.. the way it works is that the woman asks for it and sets it up. the semi professional who she hires knows which side of the bread their butter is on sooo...

The results are predictable. It becomes a blame game and you are it. mostly it is a way for a woman to bow out of a relationship without feeling guilty.. she gets a "professionals" blessing and you get to witness it.

lazs

yankedudel · « **Reply #6 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:33:55 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by lazs2
been through it.. the way it works is that the woman asks for it and sets it up. the semi professional who she hires knows which side of the bread their butter is on sooo...

The results are predictable. It becomes a blame game and you are it. mostly it is a way for a woman to bow out of a relationship without feeling guilty.. she gets a "professionals" blessing and you get to witness it.

lazs

Completely opposite for me. I was prepared to be flamed but to my amazement it got turned around on her.

I guess the counseling did work since we are still together so far.

lazs2 · « **Reply #7 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:36:57 AM »

who initiated the visits?

lazs

yankedudel · « **Reply #8 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:39:43 AM »

She did. I figured I would participate because I thought if I just gave up I would feel guilty for not trying.

lazs2 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:43:42 AM »

glad it worked out.. really.

I have known a lot of people over the years who went and the experience was about like I described for most.

almost every one ended up divorced within 5 years of the visits.

the ones who didn't get divorced right away were the ones who took the advice of the professional and.. changed the way they were. or tried to. we can't really change who we are and we shouldn't. we can't be who someone else wants us to be for very long no matter how much we want to be with them.

lazs

yankedudel · « **Reply #10 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:53:17 AM »

I agree completely lazs. That is the way it has happened so far for us. It has only been 2 years since being in counseling and we both changed for about the first 6 months after and we are right back to being the same people we were before. The only difference is that we improved our communication so it doesnt go too far like it used to. I think a majority of relationships fall apart due to lack of, or poor communication.

yank

Ripsnort · « **Reply #11 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:55:04 AM »

You can start by writing down what each of your expectations of the marriage are (this is the first thing counselers most likely have you do).

Review each item on that list that you both wrote out, taking turns, and discuss each item in depth for 1 hour. Have designated dates to discuss them (Mon/Wed/Fri from 6pm--7pm AFTER dinner so you're not rushed)

Civilized debate is allowed. Leaving the room when you get worked up is not allowed.(Write up a set of "Ground Rules" first so you both abide by them)

Write out an action plan for each item you disagree on. "What can I do to better the situation" format. Review from the top of the list, each item, once a month. This entire process should take an average of 6 months.

Try that first, you'll save yourself a ton of $$ and the idea that someone outside your marriage had to fix it for you won't be a factor in regaining that lost bond of friendship between you and your wife.

lazs2 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:58:31 AM »

yanke... I do agree that if both parties are willing to accept the other person for what they really are then it will work.

I have been very up front in my relationships with women now and have a girlfriend of 6 years. I have never lied to her or pretended to be someone else even when it was most tempting.

lazs

Ripsnort · « **Reply #13 on:** January 09, 2008, 08:59:55 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by yankedudel
I agree completely lazs. That is the way it has happened so far for us. It has only been 2 years since being in counseling and we both changed for about the first 6 months after and we are right back to being the same people we were before. The only difference is that we improved our communication so it doesnt go too far like it used to. I think a majority of relationships fall apart due to lack of, or poor communication.

yank

You are SO spot on its not funny. At LEAST once a month, you need to have a "Mommy and Daddy night out" without any kids, friends or family, just yourselfs...over dinner, a movie, hell just a drive around town for 2 hours discussing your lives outside the house when your both not around each other.

Spend less time watching TV and being on the computer, more time helping out in the kitchen or do a load of laundry on a weekly basis (as a man, if this is not already part of your chores)

A woman should offer to help out more outside, or offer help in her spouses daily or weekly chores. Helping each other is a form of communication, it says "I'm here for you, what do you need from me?"

lazs2 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 09, 2008, 09:07:30 AM »

I don't do the chores that she does.. she does em better than me.. she doesn't do the chores I do.. I do em better. the goal is the thing. Me trying to be a cook or a maid does not do either of us any good at all. Her trying to change her own oil in her truck does no one any good. it is just frustrating and silly.

I also think that the real way to get along is if you have seperate homes.

lazs