A fter I retired, my wife inisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart ( Asda ). Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women, she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife receieved the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs,Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a bit of commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1 June 15th
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they were not looking.
2. July 2nd.
Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3 July 7th
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19th
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ''code 3 in Houseware. Get on to it right away.''
5 August 4th
Went to the Service desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on the layaway.
6. August 14th
Moved a ''CAUTION WET FLOOR '' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15th
Set up a tent in the camping depwartment and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23rd
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, '' Why can't you people just leave me alone?''
9. September 4th
Looked right into the secruity camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10th
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ''Mission Impossible'' theme.
11. October 6th
In the auto department, he practiced his ''Madonna look '' by using different sizes of funnels.
12. October 18th
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through the clothes, he whispered '' PICK ME PICK ME!''
13. October 21st
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed '' OH NO IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!''
14. October 23rd
When in the fresh fish section he picked up a fresh crab and tried to give it the kiss of life saying, '' It's alive I am telling you it's alive.
And last, but not least
15. October 28th
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, then yelled as loud as he could, '' Hey! There's no toilet paperin here!''
