Mtnman, while I think you nail it as far as newbies and why they HO (and realistically have a better chance doing so), I have to disagree with the part where you say:
I think the real reason the HO is such a sore subject is that folks are embarassed by being beaten by the simplist, most basic shot possible, before they're able to put their super-uber maneuvering skills to practice.
On any given week where I have time to fly extensively, I'm facing hundreds of hot first merges (I make it pretty clear I am not going to fire on them). I get pinged with significant damage, or shot down, on maybe 5% of those. That's nothing to be embarrassed about, IMO.
Now on a week where I have time to fly extensively, that's also nothing to get upset about. So what, grab another plane, they're free and all.
But on a week where I DON'T have time to fly extensively, that changes. If I only have a half an hour or so to play, and I spend 6-10 minutes of that climbing to alt and getting to the bad guy, and I happen to get shot down on that particular first merge, it frustrates me, and I don't think that's an unreasonable reaction. If it's a newbie, I keep my mouth shut. If it's a vet, I do my best to keep it to myself, but I am human...
Let's put it this way... I'm flying out to a Penguins game this March... I only get to see them play at home once every few years. If I show up and they don't show up, I'm going to be frustrated by it. OTOH, if I was watching at home from TV, it wouldn't really bother me.
(I realize I'm talking about a hot merge here and not a true HO solution, but I'll bet a large portion of the complaints are about the hot merge in the first place, and the HO is half my fault anyway).