texts from last night

[Treize69]

(610): yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
(215): what does that even mean?
(610): you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.

Best exchange I ever had-

ANDY- Dude, why are my pants in the freezer?

ME- Quit bragging, I cant find mine anywhere.

ANDY- What color are they?

ME- Blue, I think, why?

ANDY- Because there's also a pair in the fridge.

[RTHolmes]

(770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

 

[Redlegs]

(310): tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room

[Treize69]

(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

(310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.

(616): i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.

(440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
(216): ... about that ...

[Lazerr]

"You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat."


(646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.


(203): I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.


"how the diddly am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard"

[Serenity]

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

[Serenity]

(201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

[Scotch]

(508): just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them

griefer

[Serenity]

(510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
(702): Are you high?
(510): No. That's why it's odd

[4XTCH]

And the AcesHigh text of the year goes to....





(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a diddlying bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.



 
4XTCH

[Lazerr]

And the AcesHigh text of the year goes to....





(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a twittleing bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.


I thought the same thing... hahha


 
4XTCH

[Treize69]

(417): I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!

(617): Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.

(717): How was your Memorial Day?
(1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

(337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

[rabbidrabbit]

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(715): Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.

[Masherbrum]

 

(716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

[Treize69]

(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero