(208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

(734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
(310): Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
(301): is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
(904): What are you doing tonight?
(847): Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
(720): o feces let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket