Help with a Depression Victim.

[Guppy35]

If the mom won't recognize it, then you run, don't walk to the nearest school counselor and let them know.  You cannot fix this.  It's not your place to, no matter how good your intentions.  You'll get sucked into it.

I know you are 14 and want to help this gal, but it's out of your league.  I work with kids like this.   I also remember my daughter going through something much the same with a friend of hers.  She came to her mom and me, and she then forced the issue with the school counselors who then forced the issue of getting more serious help.  If this kid is that depressed and suicidal she can be placed on a hold at an ER because of it.

The danger is you get sucked into this and she uses you or manipulates you with it.  I'm not saying it's deliberate on her part, but it becomes a way of keeping you involved for the wrong reasons.  She's got a lot of stuff to deal with and it won't be a quick fix.  Abuse takes years to deal with.  

I'm glad you care enough to try and help.  That's a good thing.  But get the adults involved.

[Oogly50]

What I've been trying to ask really, is HOW to get someone involved.  I already knew (as I stated in the beginning of OP) that I couldn't do anything to really help.  That is why I'm trying to find people who CAN. 

[Stalwart]

I'm not a professional therapist, but I have an opinion.

I concur completely with Guppy.  If this girl is in your school you may be obligated to some degree to report your concerns to a counselor.  Either she's deeply depressed, aching for attention, or masterfully manipulative.  In any case, she needs some help beyond what's reasonable for a teenage friendship.

I also agree with the sentiment expressed, though not so kindly, to not invest in a romantic relationship with this girl.  Do the right thing for her.  Hand her off to a responsible adult counselor.  Then maintain your own priorities and focus.  You can't be successful in high school and live like "The Catcher in the Rye."

Aside: There have been many teens who spent some time in and out of the hospital psych ward.  Just because someone needs help working through issues in their youth doesn't mean they won't have healthy fulfilling lives as adults.  I know.

 

[Stalwart]

What I've been trying to ask really, is HOW to get someone involved.  I already knew (as I stated in the beginning of OP) that I couldn't do anything to really help.  That is why I'm trying to find people who CAN. 

This girl in school with you?   More than likely there are professionals in the school district, maybe even on your campus, who are specifically trained and prepared to make interventions for situations exactly like this.  If you don't know who these people are at your school then go to your principal.  If he/she is too busy to see you, ask for the VP, or the Dean of Students, but be persistent.  Don't leave until you've relayed your concern to a school executive, not just the office receptionist.  Be polite and sincere, but avoid being dramatic.  Don't wait until Thursday.     Oogly

[vonKrimm]

Talk to her about calling a anonymous crisis hotline.  Be there with her when she does; she has already confided in you, why not have you there for support when she opens up to another person?  They are trained to guide her towards those that are best able to help her without the emotional involvement you are enduring.  She has expressed that she will stab herself if you tell anyone.  How do you knowthat she won't stab herself anyhow for some other reason that you have no control over?  

[Sandman]

She needs a good shrink.  Not medicine, but someone to talk it out with.

A shrink will likely prescribe something.

Oogly... she needs professional help. If you can't talk her into it, walk. Otherwise... you're just going to be collateral damage.

[Stalwart]

One more thought Oogly...

No one who is emotionally healthy threatens to stab themselves like that.

I can understand if you feel you are risking your friendship with this girl by taking the issue to a counselor.  Don't let that stop you.  If she's really depressed then she needs help and you are being her good friend.  If on the other hand she is just playing you for her amusement, then her friendship with you is already a facade.  While that might hurt your feelings, it's better to find out sooner rather than later.  She still needs the help though, because that degree of manipulation is narcissistic.  Either way, she'll probably be confused and angry with you.

Courage, Man.
 

[Xasthur]

'Attempted' suicides always seem to be nothing more than a cry for help. Especially repeated ones. Typically, girls try to kill themselves... Men just do it.

Oogly, one of my friends 'tried' to kill herself when I was a bit older than you. We were 16 at the time.

It was the usual story.... took a bunch of pills and thought that would do the job.

We found her, called an ambulance and got her to hospital.

She is now on prescription medicine for depression/bi-polar, which runs in her family. She's still a mess and she is a completely different person... but 7 years later, she's still alive. Completely unbearable, but alive.

I do know that all of her friends abandoned her when she tried to kill herself. I understood their position, she put them some tough times, but she obviously needed a bit of compassion and got none.

I didn't abandon her... All I did was go and see her a few times and make sure she was ok. I know that she appreciated that.



You should definitely do what Guppy suggested and inform the school counselor. You may lose her as a friend temporarily... but she'll get over that and death is permanent.

What you can do, if she is your friend, is just be her friend.

If you enjoy spending time with her, do it. It would be unwise to get romantically involved with her... but that doesn't mean you can't be her friend.

I can see why everyone is saying 'run' but if you' have a strong enough character, you'll manage any trouble you might have and you might just give her the strength she needs to get through a tough time.

Depression never really leaves you... but you can live with it.

Some days are harder than others, but it can be done.


If you choose to get involved here and try to help her, be aware that you may get pulled down with the ship.... but if she's a good friend and you have some moral fibre, you can help.... even if you can't get her to see a professional.

Some more information might be useful too.
-How long have you known her?
-Is she a close friend?
-Do you like her more than just a friend? (Be honest)

Also, Guppy has a level head on his shoulders and knows what he is talking about. Take his advice.

[Xasthur]

Ooogly, by the way, good on you for having the brains to recognise the situation and the balls to try and do something about it.

Being a good friend is just about one of the best things you can be.

[Scherf]

I told her that I thought she needed help. 

She told me that if I told anybody (that includes therapists) that she would stab herself. 

Now what? 

Get the hell out.

[Anaxogoras]

What should I do? 

Turn around, walk away.  Women like that will only suck the life out of you, and then after you've given them all your energy, they cheat on you.

[ariansworld]

Just DUMP her. 

[Ghosth]

Some very good advice here.

First off, forget any romantic impressions you may have had, trouble for you and trouble for her.

Second I wouldn't call the police, I'd check yellow pages for places that work with troubled people.
Example local ad goes "If you don't get help at Prairie, get help someplace!" Someplace near where you live is a similar clinic, establishment.

Third, rather than shoving it down her throat, make her realize that non of the problems will go away until they have been pulled out into the light of day, looked at, examined, dealt with. There is a way out of this, but its not suicide, its accepting you have problems and need help.

Last, I watched a tv show once about people who tried to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate bridge. The one thing they all had in common was, that as bad as their problems were, the second they jumped, they realized they were insignificant compared to the problem they had now. And in all cases that was while they were still on the way down.   

There is help out there, help her to find it, and then help her to accept it.

[Delirium]

You can't except that girl to like you if she doesn't like herself. She is going through the motions, looking for someone to show her the affection she lacks or seeking a male figure to reaffirm her trust in the male gender.

You need to tell someone that has some authority (teacher, counselor) so she can get help. The kind of abuse she went through is something she will have to deal with her entire life, I'm not sure you are mature enough to handle it. Be a friend, a good listener, get her help, but for god's sake do not get romantically involved with her unless you are ready.

[Rich46yo]

So, let's say I call the police and report a suicide threat. Will they get her help from there? That is all I want for her...

I can only speak for my own area of operations.

She would have to have a gun to her own head for us to take her away. Just talking about it isn't enough. Its a slippery slope, the Police dragging people away to mental Hospitals.

On the other hand if there is a family member willing to sign her in, usually a parent, we would take her in. At least to an ER for an eval.

So I guess the answer is "no"! You couldn't just "call the Police" and there is no written report to be made unless she does something to harm herself.

When I was single I avoided head cases like these. Usually they only surface after you been seeing them awhiles. It may sound cold but I aint a Doctor and usually there is an underlying drug or alcohol problem they are hiding as well.