Author Topic: Make your own joke!  (Read 1006 times)

Offline Ruler2

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Make your own joke!
« on: December 05, 2009, 11:49:46 PM »
Let's have a joke contest!
Rules: 1: one joke per post, but you can post as many times as you would like.
2: ALL jokage must be created by you, we don't want to hear any Deja vu stuff from comedians, that's a different thread! 
3: No overly perverse/sexual material, light stuff is ok, but don't get carried away!
4: No individual jokes, nothing about a certain noob or old fart, but you can talk about em in general all ya want!
5: Jokes can be built on and talked about, but not brought down, if you don't have something good or funny to say about the joke, don't say it at all.
6: Jokes must be REAL jokes that were created for funniness, not stupidity, no "I ate a cheeseburger" or " I like sheep" stuff. This does not rule out stories though, you can tell a story as long as the purpose was humor, not random jibberish.
7: No overly political stuff, if you think it would offend a group of people, DON'T say it.

I don't know why I made this, but, HAVE FUN!

Offline Ruler2

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2009, 11:51:14 PM »
What would you call a commanding officer in the Navy?    A Giant Squid!

Offline Killer91

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2009, 12:11:14 AM »
Getting your order from Mcdonalds is like getting a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get!
someone named pervert is thanking someone named badboy for a enjoyable night?

Offline BrownBaron

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2009, 12:52:36 AM »
What's a good way to avoid the flu, and remain a virgin?

If its wet, warm, and not yours, dont touch it. Zing.  :cool:

*partail credit goes to my english teacher*
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Offline Ruler2

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2009, 12:55:38 AM »
Does that mean we can't have the extra hot chocolate?

Offline Latrobe

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2009, 01:12:06 AM »
My Grandpa always told us really great jokes when we were younger.  :)

Want to hear a dirty joke?? Pig fell in the mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Pig took a shower!

I always enjoyed that one.  :lol

Offline JunkyII

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2009, 01:18:28 AM »
So my girlfriend broke up with me last night.....She says "Im leaving you", I ask "Why" she says "because your a pedofile" I answer, "Thats a big word for a 13 year old
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"Yikes"

Offline Toof

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2009, 02:07:23 AM »
Small child sneezes..."That's your brain trying to escape, you know what right?" OMGZWTF

Offline JB35

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2009, 03:36:37 AM »
Herpes. Give the gift that keeps on giving

Offline JunkyII

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2009, 03:56:19 AM »
So a newly married couple just get to the hotel for their honeymoon and are undressing.....The guy says "try these on" and throws them to his wife, She says"they dont fit"        He answers back with "Thats right I wear the daddy pants in this family"      The wife throws the husband her panties and says "Try to get in those"   The guy says "I cant they're too small" and she replies "Thats right you wont be getting in those till your attitude changes"
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"Yikes"

Offline Rollins

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2009, 04:13:52 AM »
One I wrote for a friend that does stand up, on his upbringing in a Boston Irish Catholic family:

"Growing up was an exercise in confusion for me, let me get this straight, I can't eat meat on Fridays but Dad can get drunk, fall out of the La-Z-Boy and sh*t his pants any day of the week?"

 :D
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Offline DREDIOCK

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2009, 08:53:13 AM »
Not a "joke' but a funny true story that happened yesterday.

My two dogs were sleeping snuggling together. As is not uncommon, my female choc Lab was using the retrievers butt as a pillow.
So Im looking at them both thinking what a great picture is would make when something happened that made me wish I had a video camera instead.

Im looking at them when suddenly I hear "brrrt". One of them farted. It was revealed which one when the lab all of a sudden lifted her head perked her ears then sniffed the retreivers butt. Then promptly dropped her ears, got up and moved clear across to the other side of the room  The whole time giving the retreiver this really dirty look before plopping herself down again with a groan. The retriever lifted his head and looked at her as if to say "What?"

I laughed for a full 10 minutes
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Offline Enker

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2009, 09:48:05 PM »
Illegal  noun. 1. A sick bird.


A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.
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Offline 1pLUs44

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2009, 10:52:07 PM »
not really a joke, but a kind of saying me and my redneck buddies like to use:

See a hot girl with a huge rack, what do you say? "Those are some TIG OL BITTIES!"

Another is:

Whats red, green, and goes 50 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.
No one knows what the future may bring.

Offline Nemisis

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Re: Make your own joke!
« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2009, 11:00:13 PM »
Kinda dirty, but not TOO bad:


There is a married couple with 2 kids. Whenever they have sex, the husband won't let his wife leave the light on. One day, she turns the light on all of a sudden, only to see her husband wearing a strap-on. She says "I think I deserve an explination". The husband replies "I'll explain myself, if you explain the kids".
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