You're stuck on the relativity-
Everyone has a slightly different set of rules, thus, both can be good, bad, or neither. Our minds have two parts, one reflexive, and one rational. The reflexive is used to dodge objects and make split-second decisions (live commodity futures trading, for example). This reflexive brain is streamlined, and lightning fast. It can also be extremly precise, with little information. The higher, rational brain is capable of empathy, and allows for 'noble' actions, such as rushing into a burning building to save someone.
However, no true altruism exists, everything is always quid-pro-quo, even when our reward brains reward us with endorphins (this reaction is triggered by taught values of actions).
For instnace, a friend of mine recently got suspeneded for doing something that made me fear for my life. When the friend came back, the first thing out of my mouth was a mention of the event, and the second thing was my foot. My friend ran out of the room, crying. At the precise moment that I made my reply, there was no moral judgement, simply an attempt by my body to assure that my genes would be passed on to future generations.
Later, I had to apologize profusely, and found out the true scope of the problem. To preserve my friend's dignity, I will go no further. An action can be 'good' one moment (cheating death) and bad the next (making your friend cry). In fact, it made me feel like a dirtbag.
-Penguin
I fully understand what you are saying. But, I sense that you are missing the philosophical implications of what I'm asking. (Or, less likely, you might be dodging the answer.) If I seem to be "hung up on relativity", it's because all rational assessments flow from the initial grounds of the question.
Look at it this way:
IF - morality is relative, with no basis except the individual's neurologic responses or a society's training
THEN - you have to say that there is no foundation for criticizing another person's or country's decisions.
The implications of that are immense.
* There can be no such thing as Human Rights - because there is no foundation that has universal applicability
* You MUST also believe that genocide, such as in Rwanda or in Nazi Germany, is not a bad or evil thing. For those cultures in those times, there were rational reasons for those murders that made sense to them. We cannot criticize their position because it was OK for them where they stood.
* You must also allow historical wrongs, like slavery, to be just as moral for the slave owners as it is moral for us to NOT own slaves
* You must acknowledge that when other subcultures in our society steal, or perform home invasions, or murder for gain - there is not anything intrinsically wrong about those acts. They are the equivalent of a penalty in hockey, where "you got caught, go to the box" is the only censure
It seems to me that those positions are untenable.