funny phone calls

[gyrene81]

Me answering the phone at a stove shop I used to work at years ago.

Abundant Life, this is Bobby!

Do you guys sell coal?

Yes maam we do.

Is it fresh? I don't want any thats been sitting around too long.

9.95 on the stupid scale...       

[Lepape2]

My young sister started a conversation with one once... she did his survey and they chatted for one hour after that. Didn't go any further though 

[B-17]

i picke up the phone once, and started complaining to the telemarketer:

Them: Hello sir, how are you today (after i told them i was the owner of the house )
Me: Terrible. My dog died, my wife left me because i was fired from work and cant get a job, my kids hate me because im never there for them, and its raining here.
Them: Oh... im sor--
Me: And to make things worse, the gas prices have been going up non-stop for months now, and i am jobless. Noone loves me anymore. I am unappreciated byeveryone...
Them: ...
Me: start to cry
Them: I'm very sorry sir, I will call back at another time maybe? Hangs up.

[Dichotomy]

I usually pull the 'I love your voice. Are you in a relationship right now?'  If 'yes' I go down the 'would you consider cheating' lane if 'no' I go into full flirt mode.  Works every time 

The best ones are telemarketers that call for the owner at work.  'Can you give me a time when he might be in?' 'I have no idea, I really think he's into drug running or something like that because the only times he's in is to meet with some shady looking characters.' *CLICK.. Buzzzzz*

I did answer my cell phone once when I saw a recurring telemarketer calling with 'Central Intelligence Agency how may I direct your call?'   

[CAP1]

this is good. a lot of laughs from this thread.

 and a lot of answers i'm gonna try too. 

[skorpion]

we had telemarketers call us one time for 5 weeks straight. finally i decided to have some fun...

TM:can we speak with your mother?
Me:no, but you can speak with me
TM:id like to talk to your mother
Me:(sexy voice) id rather talk with you...
TM:CAN WE SPEAK WITH YOUR MOTHER?
Me:id rather do stuff with you over the phone
TM:Can we speak with an adult?
Me:oh hell no! (change in tone)
TM:thats not really appropriate to talk to me like that
Me:well why the hell do you care???? (click)

then last week we had a prank caller and heres what i said...

PC:is there a ben dover
Me: yes id like a large pepperoni and sausage pizza
PC:so no ben dover?
Me:how much is that gonna cost?
PC:i take it theres no ben dover
Me:i think i called the wrong number
PC:im gonna hang up now
Me:WAIT! you took my order, right?
PC:(click)

those 2 were probably the best calls ive ever gotten.

[flight17]

we had telemarketers call us one time for 5 weeks straight. finally i decided to have some fun...

TM:can we speak with your mother?
Me:no, but you can speak with me
TM:id like to talk to your mother
Me:(sexy voice) id rather talk with you...
TM:CAN WE SPEAK WITH YOUR MOTHER?
Me:id rather do stuff with you over the phone
TM:Can we speak with an adult?
Me:oh hell no! (change in tone)
TM:thats not really appropriate to talk to me like that
Me:well why the hell do you care???? (click)

then last week we had a prank caller and heres what i said...

PC:is there a ben dover
Me: yes id like a large pepperoni and sausage pizza
PC:so no ben dover?
Me:how much is that gonna cost?
PC:i take it theres no ben dover
Me:i think i called the wrong number
PC:im gonna hang up now
Me:WAIT! you took my order, right?
PC:(click)

those 2 were probably the best calls ive ever gotten.

lol

should have played the BenD over more

[skorpion]

lol

should have played the BenD over more

i wanted to, but as soon as my mom realized what i was doing (it was on speaker) she made me hang up but i have to say i really outdid myself on the first one!

[Spikes]

I like calling McDonalds and asking if they will deliver, and before they get to answer telling them addy, etc etc and thank you for your time.

Don't normally screw with people over the phone.
This is a fun thing to do at McD's...I've done it a couple times:
Pull up to the Drive thru and say I'd like a ____ and a small ___ and a large ____ with a Mc____ and a medium ___ please. Fill in with whatever. Once they say "alright, that was a ___ and a ___ etc" say....

No. I'd like a ___ 
and change the order.
rinse and repeat.

[AAJagerX]

Best telemarketer prank ever.  The first time I heard this I was driving to work, could barely see I was laughing so hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkdoogjic4I

[gyrene81]

I like calling McDonalds and asking if they will deliver, and before they get to answer telling them addy, etc etc and thank you for your time.

Don't normally screw with people over the phone.
This is a fun thing to do at McD's...I've done it a couple times:
Pull up to the Drive thru and say I'd like a ____ and a small ___ and a large ____ with a Mc____ and a medium ___ please. Fill in with whatever. Once they say "alright, that was a ___ and a ___ etc" say....

No. I'd like a ___ 
and change the order.
rinse and repeat.

but spikes...that's being an a-hole...we're talking about dealing with a-holes.

[ebfd11]

We had a telemarketer call for aprox 3 weeks asking for my mom recently, the worse part is she passed away 4 years ago.

Idiot: Yes may I speak with Joyce _______?
Me: Im sorry she is unavailable can I take a message ?
Idiot: Yes I am calling to confirm her order.
Me: what order might that be??
Idiot: Yes we are confirming her order she placed 2 weeks ago.
Me: How did she place teh order???
Idiot: We talked to her and we are confirming her order.
Me: WOW can I get a picture of you and call the Pope to have you ordained a Saint?
Idiot: Whay do you say that?
Me: Well she passed away 4 years ago and that is why she is unavailable.
Idiot. Are you sure sir we talked with her.
Me: HMMMM lets see....CLICK

3 times that week teh same person called and tried the same scam ... can you say
DUHHHHHHHHHH

[gyrene81]

Best telemarketer prank ever.  The first time I heard this I was driving to work, could barely see I was laughing so hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkdoogjic4I

          that's hilarious!!! i gotta remember that one...

[AAJagerX]

          that's hilarious!!! i gotta remember that one...

Poor telemarketer was freakin out!   

[kilo2]

I used to work as technical support for stores at Wal-mart and some of the calls I got were priceless. A guy called in and said his computer was not working with a black screen and he was poed and was being a bit rude. I had to be polite though. I asked him if there where any lights on the front of the case, he said no. I told him to press the button on the front of the case. A second later he goes its working now and hung up before I could respond.