Well, the F4E is pulse radar, no look-down-shoot-down. You can, with work arounds (boresight/CAA).
The F4J has look-down-shoot-down capability. Sounds like WT at least got that right.
Shrikes suck and they suck bad. Not sure on WT, but Lofting is terrible, go with Direct (as I think you explained). You'll need to launch when your about 12ft away from the target. Deal with it. 
I have noticed that the only way I can get reliable hit is after the SAM starts shooting at me and that usually doesn't end well.
Warthunder is fairly accurate, especially in sim mode. The massive amount of planes they throw out there does mean that there are some issues for sure but overall I would say it's like AH3 in real battles, IL2 in sim battles, and space invaders in arcade mode. In sim battles for example, there are no icons (except inside 800m range on friendlies) and no external views.