Enjoy.
You know that book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? Well, here's a
prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my
English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted)
First, the assignment: English 44A, SMU, Creative writing, Prof. Miller
In-class assignment for Wednesday. Today we will experiment with a new form
called the tamden story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off
with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then
write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
The story is over when both agree to a conclusion has been reached.
And now, the assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary.
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he like
chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl.
His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much
herasthmas started acting up again. So Chamomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sargeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning.. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
stared out the window, dreaming of her youth--when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hous after the passage of the treaty the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The president, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 84 million other
Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We
can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow them out of
the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of valium.
A**hole.
B*tch.
