Advice from Parents

[Sandman]

Curval... how old is your son?

I tend to agree with Apathy. In that situation I'd grab my kids and leave.

[senna]

Well I aint no father yet but I think kids who get into fights should just get mad win or loose and get over it. Just part of life ,always  best to move on afterwards.

Oops not trying to sound like its ok someones kid got sucker punched but kids fight all the time. Its natures way of providing the parent a reason to intervene and do whats best for his/her kid.

[sax]

Well I have 6 of the little buggers, I have always let the kids come to me and talk out their problems.

After they have let it all out we discuss what I can and cannot do to help.

Most times the problem is over by the end of the discussion.

I would never encourage my kids to hit another kid back over one punch, more than that justafies self defense.

Just make sure they no the difference between turning the other cheek and letting yourself be hurt.

I think you are on the right track Curval

[Thrawn]

It's sounds like some of you think childhood is supposed be some sort of darwinistic test.  Some seem to think that by letting your child go through lifes trial on their own will teach them to be able fend for themselves, be self relient and have more confidence.  This is completely incorrect.  Cripes, where do you get these ideas?  

What teaches your child confidence, is having their back.  Giving them a sense of security helps them grow.  From that sense of security they can explore the world.  If they never have security they become scared of it.  Because they just don't see the world as a safe place.  I mean hey, if you aren't safe with the people you love and who's job it is to protect you...

I suggest you all do a google seach on children and self-confidence, before you spout off your non-sense answers to a very serious question.

[Saurdaukar]

Originally posted by Thrawn
Saurdaukar, you have no idea, what so ever, what Curval's son thinks or feels.

Here's a hearty "diddly you" for Thrawn.  Who the hell are you?  

[Thrawn]

Originally posted by Saurdaukar


Here's a hearty "diddly you" for Thrawn.  Who the hell are you?  

Am I wrong?

[Saurdaukar]

Originally posted by Thrawn


Am I wrong?

Mr. Blue Skinned Admiral...

I offer my opinion... key word there... at no point during the course of reading my post should you have come away with the idea that I "knew what Curval's son was thinking."

I bring my own experience to the table here, as was requested.  In a situation like this it is often MORE traumatic for the parent than it is for the child.

Im not sure what goes on in Canada, but down here, us damn uncivilized Yankees run around beating eachother up as children.  Children are used to this.  Does it make it good?  No.  But children lack a key quality when they are young - loyalty.  Kids will sell eachother out left and right, just as Curval's son's lady friend did to him.  The older kids are simply "cooler" to hang out with.

I am unaware of your age, but perhaps you are forgetting your childhood?  I am still young enough to remember most of mine, and when "incedents" like this happened to me, I can remember being more upset that my parents were upset than over the actual ordeal.

Kids are pretty resiliant, I dont think you give them enough credit... either that or you listen to the opinions of bleeding heart shrinks who think that every child will commit suicide by the age of 9 if he isnt cuddled with for at least 2 hours a day.

Furthermore, Im not sure why I get the impression from your post that you think I am insensitive to Curval's plight.  Perhaps you could explain to me exactly which part of my post you thought warented your response?  I saw my opinion as doing nothing but good - Im not sure why you took it the other way.

[Thrawn]

"he will know the difference between support and pity."

That one.  

I don't give Curval's son any credit.  I have never met him.  I have no idea how he, as a unique individual, works.  So I will go with generalities that are common to most children as they have been proven through scientific meathods.

[SC-Sp00k]

Thrawn, we are putting childhood in a broad sense into the dynamics of human behaviour.

Why does man search for sex? Because he is made to procreate.
Why does Woman have headaches? Because man wants to procreate.
Why do children fight? Because we are nothing more than animals and all animals create a pecking order. From small children to the elderly. Its is not a conscious decision or one of choice. It is a genetic behaviour inherent in us all regardless of race, colour, creed, religious persuasion and stock of parents.

A good parent does not allow his/her child to suffer any trauma no matter how small without paying some attention and noting response.  

Should a parent intervene because their young child got snubbed at a party by another child?  That is the question.

In my opinion there are several choices.

a)  Get in there, grab the kid and leave.

result:  Kid knows mum and dad will be there to protect them against anything and anyone.  Parent becomes the problem and tries to do it everytime the child has a problem to solve.  Child becomes dependant on Parent for choices and problem solving. Other children note it in his/her behaviour and mannerisms and act accordingly.

You end up with a 16 year old kid who is ill prepared to deal with the sharks in the gene pool and probably a child without any leadership skills.

(note probably.)

b)  Watch and do nothing.

result:  Child gets an emotional battering. Sees parent do nothing. Loses self esteem as stated above.

Always BAD.

c) Watch, listen and learn. Sit down and ensure child understands what has happened.

result: Child endures trauma. Child learns. Self Esteem kept in check by parent.  Child stands up for his/herself next time or learns to ignore and walk out.

Bad initially. Beneficial in the end.  The kid could be the next president or Prime Minister of a country.

Conclusion:

Is all of the above possible?

Yes and No.  Kid "C" could end up as Kid "A" and vice versa etc etc.

To make a decision without actually being there is like predicting the winner of a horse race before it has happened and advising your friends to place all their money on Horse X.  Invites disaster.

Is Thrawn right?    Maybe.  Am I wrong?  Maybe. Everybody else? Maybe.

What is the answer?

Who knows.

[Curval]

Sandman...my son is three.  The kids who clocked him is six.

Guys...calm down.  I posted this thread because "I" was traumatized by the incident.  My son shrugged it off and we left a few minutes after the incident.  He actually wanted to stay and keep chasing the little girl around.  He didn't seem to notice the dynamic that was going on...in terms of wanting to hang out with the older cooler kids and the fact that they didn't want him to...I did.  

The biggest reason that I was freaked out is that I had a serious "parental moment"....a realization that my son is growing up and is soon going to face all kinds of nastiness...much of which I won't be around to see as he will be at school when most of it occurs.  

I want to protect him from all of it...but I am a realist in that I know I can't.

As far as any future bullying goes...I will deal with that.  I plan on enrolling my son in Aikedo class in about 6 months.  I want him to develop a sense of confidence from it...not the ability to "kick ass".  It took me many years to learn to stand up to bullying, and that 95% of the time a bully will back down when their bluff is called.  This will help him have the confidence to call that bluff...and be able to back it up should the necessity arise...which will only be a LAST resort.

[midnight Target]

These threads crack me up!

I raised 4 and I am sure I will be mentioned in some tell all book about how I screwed up their little minds by missing that soccer practice in 1987, or not smiling quite right at the school outfit she picked out.

C'mon people. All of life is a learning experience. Use what happens to your kids to mold their reactions to the next hurdle. There is no one best way to do anything. Love your kids and do the best you can.

There are 2 things our children need -

Wings and Roots.

[Thrawn]

Originally posted by midnight Target
There are 2 things our children need -

Wings and Roots.

I understand what you are saying, but I just had a funny image of a bunch of kids stuck to the ground flapping their wings like crazy.

[Elfenwolf]

Originally posted by Curval
Sandman...my son is three.  The kids who clocked him is six....

As far as any future bullying goes...I will deal with that.  I plan on enrolling my son in Aikedo class in about 6 months.  

You stood by and watched this? You should have jumped on the six year old and pummeled him. And Akido is expensive. It'd be cheaoer to buy him a gun or, if that seems too extreme, get him a tazer gun and pepper spray.

Curval, all kidding aside I know the parental moment you describe and I know the feeling of helplessness a parent has watching a child deal with that kind of stuff. Kids can be cruel. Akido is a good idea but Taikwando has a very well organized system of tournaments and is an Olympic sport. Luck, bud.

[Curval]

Originally posted by Elfenwolf
Akido is a good idea but Taikwando has a very well organized system of tournaments and is an Olympic sport. Luck, bud.

The thing I like about Aikedo is that it is totally non-agressive.  It teaches the kids to use another persons momentum and power against them.  I have watched a little Korean woman throw a 6'5" around the dojo one time..all by using the forces that were being attempted to be used on her.  It was really impressive.

Add to that the fact that Aikedo, from what I have seen, is much more diciplined.  You must be extremely respectful to the sensai and other students.  

It's all good though.

[lazs2]

Geeze.... you named your kid Trew and you are wondering why the other kids won't play with him?   get a grip man.  

OTOH..... it will build character in grade school.   My name is Doran so I know a little about this.  Look how well adjusted I turned out!
lazs