In need a desperate advise

[Cherlie]

This maybe long and from the heart but I need some advice.

My marriage is in the toejams big time and I only been married 3 months.

My wife is only 18 and since I arrived in the U.S it has been nothing but hassels ever since.

Everyday including today she has accused me of cheating on her or looking at porn.  She twiists people words around and she has a huge VICTIM mentality.

I can't cheat on her even if I wanted too because I have no car, because right now I can't afford the car insurance, I have 2 jobs and work 60 hours a week.  If I am not at work, I am at home so I don't know how she thinks I am cheating on her.  She ven comes to work to check up on me.

She is psychically abusive towards me even so I had to call the police.

If I am on the computer she accuses me of rahter spending mroe time on here than with her and that msut mean that I ahte her.  I can spend 3 hours cuddling with her then go on the computer to check my email and she will accuse me of being on the computer all day and that I ahven't spent anytime with her.

she is also lousy in the bedroom, jsut a starfish and won't do anything else to romance the bedroom.  she gets pissed off when I am too tired but expects me to read her mind when she is feeling a little frisky.

She is always sick and very lazy, our bedroom looks like some of the computer rooms I have seen in here. After I get home from a 12 hour shift, I ahve to cook dinner ebcause she has bene watching T.V (she was meant to be a work, but called in ebcause of a "headache")

I do all the laundry, why, because she is too sick to get up, but she can watch T.V all day.

Her responsorbility is as much as an ants piss.

My mum says , ditch the squeak.  do I stay or is there no hope, this is who she really is?

I do not want to be married to this person for the next 50 years or so,

CB

[midnight Target]

So, why did you marry her?

[Curval]

She needs to get out to work man.  Get her OUT of that house if you want the marriage to last.  This may fix many of the problems.  She needs a life and some friends of her own.

If you do want to stay with her you better fix the bedroom situation too.  It will probably take some time and effort but you gotta sort this out.  If not you WILL be cheating on her soon...if that happens the relationship is doomed.

[Cherlie]

she wasn't like thsi when I married her.  Before I amrried her she was fine and dandy, as soon as I said I DO it was like BOOM the insecuries started happening.

the bedroom is expected, she was a virgin before we got married.

If I were to cheat on her it is because she constantly accuses me of it not because she is bad at it.

CB

[Furious]

Originally posted by Cherlie
...I do not want to be married to this person for the next 50 years or so,...

So, don't be married anymore.

Why waste another frikken day?

[Kanth]

What said.

bail.

Originally posted by Furious
So, don't be married anymore.

Why waste another frikken day?

[midnight Target]

My guess would be that:

1. She was more "like this" before the wedding than you were willing to admit, or possibly realized.

2. She is immature, which is to be expected of most 18 year olds. Especially regarding lifetime commitments and relationships.

3. Maybe 50% of the problems are with that guy looking at you in the mirror while you shave.

[Curval]

Originally posted by Cherlie
she wasn't like thsi when I married her.  Before I amrried her she was fine and dandy, as soon as I said I DO it was like BOOM the insecuries started happening.

the bedroom is expected, she was a virgin before we got married.

If I were to cheat on her it is because she constantly accuses me of it not because she is bad at it.

CB

Cherlie...she needs to get out and about.  From what you have written she is sitting around doing nothing...not even housework.  It is a self perpetuating situation.  You are having a life...she doesn't appreciate that you are WORKING while having that life..........and she is not part of it.  There is nothing you can do to fix this..except for her to get a life too.   When you simply sit around and do nothing all day the slightest thing becomes an "effort".  You have got to break her out of it...essentially she is in a depression.  

A job will fix it.  Can she work legally in the US?

As far as the bedroom stuff goes...fine, that will resolve itself over time, but ONLY if you fix her current situation.

[Cherlie]

MT, I have never laid a hand of my wife and I never will.  My wife has hit me, even thrown a phone at me.

I have never or will cheat on anyone I have dated or am married too presently, she on the otehrhand has cheated on me.

Yes I feel I made a mistake and what I am experiencing is something I KNOW I will learn not to do in the future.

My wife does have good qualities but I guess I didn't know her well enough, maybe wait 3 years to marry isntead of 1 and a half right?

CB

[funkedup]

She needs to see a psychiatrist.

[capt. apathy]

this goes against my usual advice (which is to work it out).  but if you have no kids yet, run like hell before she gets pregnant.  any one of those things could be worked out, but from your story I don't see any part of it worth fighting for.

and if she is hitting you odds are YOU are going to end up in jail before it's over.  either one day you get fed up and hit back, then off to jail.

  or it could happen for you like a guy I knew a few years back.  they had this law (alot of citys have this now) that says in a domestic violence call the cops have to take someone to jail.  his wife (9 months pregnant at the time) started beating on him.  he just stood there and tried to block.  she busted his eye open with a bottle, chipped a tooth, not to mention lots of little cuts and bruises.  so the neibors call the cops from all her screaming at him while hitting him.  the cops show up and don't really feel to cool about taking a hysterical woman who is that pregnant to jail.  so while they are discusing it she rolls up her sleave and shows them a small 'bruise' (little more than a red blotch really) on her fore-arm where he blocked her swing with the bottle.

so off he goes to jail for the night.  booked in as a wife beater.  the cops apologised all the way to the jail but didn't really have the guts to haul in the right person.

the longer you put up with this toejam the more she will get people believing it.  and you will be the bad guy.

it's been my experience that women are responcable for at least half of the violence (either provoking or completely carying out the whole thing) in familys today(including hitting kids), but it's almost always the man who gets blamed.

guys who will get off their bellybutton and work 2 job, 60 hours a week, 12 hour days, are in demand.  dump the squeak and upgrade before you get stuck with her.

[Cherlie]

she can't keep a job, she gets these "headaches" and calls in form work all the time and hence gets fired, or she goes to work and become sick and has to leave.  the people at work don't like her because they feel she is lazy.

I haven't told her she is lazy and I try to encourage her to help clean up with me but she won't, always has a headache.

Her aprents never disciplmed her and the reason she hits me is because I don't give into her tranptrums, so she gets madder and madder and madder.  Her aprents on the otherhand have taught their kids to reward their children when they have a tantrump.  E.G my wife wanted a pair of shoes we couldn't afford, she has a spazz, I didn't give in, her mum took ehr out (without asking me) and bought her not only 1 pair but 5 pairs of shoes.

CB

[Cherlie]

capt. apathy

that is what my mum says will happen.

I am also looking at this from my kids (when I have them).

surely I have a responserbility as a father not have have kids with this woman because of the way she is?

CB

[hawk220]

one thing is universal..mum knows best. Listen to her.

[Curval]

Yikes!  

Run away!  

For heavens sake don't let her get pregnant...apathy is right on that score.