LOL Sandman, I think we've read the same auto repair manual.
A swift kick may not fix it but you'll feel better,...just remember to wear steel toed boots.
Charon, Loose Negative cable is all it takes to not recharge your battery... I had a loose positive cable and didnt know it, car wouldn't start so I jumped it. Ran fine for a week no issues, Next monday it does it again,...while I'm waiting for a co-worker for a jump I check out the terminals, I could twist the positive cable with my fingers. Tightened it up and started the car, no jump, fine ever since.
Age of the battery is a non issue with battery problems. Had a brand new battery, 6 months after I bought it started to have problems starting the car,..got a jump, went to the garage to get it tested, dead cell, garage replaced the battery for free (under warrenty)
Check your battery, most have a 1 year to 2 year warrenty and will replace for free or prorated charge.
Like Oedipus said, "borrow" battery and see if that solves the problem.