Nash.. thanks.
I was hoping that somewhere.. somehow we could salvage the concept, but lacked the cool distance required to do the groundwork.
I suspect that Popeye has hit on the best one yet.. The Texas Caged Death arena rings a great bell. No ROE.. no rules.. find the other guy and kill him. I like it.

Personalites will still remain an issue.. I call myself as witness as a case in point.
For mosta my adult life I've been called a 'mean drunk'.. so I just don't get drunk anymore. Normally; I maintain a rigid self control; and when it becomes threatened; I've learned to 'leave the room'.
Yep.. I'm very competitive by nature; yep; I strive to win. I roll into every fight with a wicked smile on my face; and I enter each and every one determined to win. It matters not the venue.. it's the competition I hunger for. Agressiveness is the hallmark of a good fighter pilot.. sez so about 30 times here in my copy of Shaws.

I AM agressive.. that ain't ever gonna change. Came with the name.. part of my heritage.

Every fight has a winner.. and a loser. When it's just two of us.. I can control the situation.. or at least keep control of myself in the situation; and come out the other side; win or lose, unfazed. I strive to remain respectful of the adversry in victory; humble in defeat.
Seeing others get 'killed' by my incompetence was a new twist.. never before had I allowed such a situation to get so far outta control. I overeacted to the circumstances.. and allowed each and every shredded pony to mark my soul. I hurt.. and I lashed out; those guys were my responsibilty (to my mind) and they were cut lose without a clue as to what they were running into. My fault. And I hugely overeacted.
Anyway; as the fight progressed I listened carefully to the radio reports comming in.. watching with mounting horror the kill buffer scroll.
After it was over.. stunned; I tried to be jovial; get a refly going, but the anger was roaring in my ears.. the LW spilt in two groups.. second group did not merge.. the plane count confusion.. the early 'fights on' call.. I fixed on what I had to work with in front of me.. the RW and text box reports; impressions from previous meetings with Hristo on the BBS and in the air.. and when I requested a refly I got more gas spilled on my fire with an arrogant rsponse.. and I exploded.
I left.. (we had 9 ponies otr at that point; ready to go for a refly..) ..and I went for a walk to calm down. Still; I'm not looking at myself; instead, I'm still looking at the things I could not control or lost control of. The anger blooms high again when the boasting continues in the Main; then it spills onto the BBS..
*SNAP* An embarassing tirade; one thats gone beyond the bitter emenity between myself and Hristo.. it's negativley affected many others here.. Intolerable. Unexcuseable. My fault entirely. It was entirely unecessary to kick the hell outta everything and everyone in range of me.. yet I felt powerless to stop myself. It took 15 hours to cool down to a point where I could become coherent again.. and it's been more years since I can count that I've been that angry.
So.. what have I learned from all this? (besides the fact that this is one incredibly immersive; addictive game)
One.. I won't allow myself to get into circumstances where others will be adversly affected or embarassed by my incompetence. Pride suffers defeat very pooly.
Two.. It's much better to consider that the other guy's intentions are honorable regardless of previous example.. and allow his course of action or inaction in the current set of circumstances to prove or disprove it. No assistance from me or anyone else is required; before, during or afterwards.
Three.. Never EVER assume that what you expect is what you'll get... and be at best happy and at worst, tacturn with what yah got; regardless. There's always ALWAYS gonna be a 'next time'; work instead for that moment and refer to number two when it comes.
Fourth and last.. The guys you fly with may have and probably DO have diffrent expectations than your own.. you must weight THEIR expectations against your own; and be damn sure that before you go in that what you set out to do is what you both came for.
It SHOULD have been to have fun and kick ass, win or lose. I should NEVER again go into a fight with the express intent of pushing the other guys face into the dirt to 'teach him his manners'. That's his momma's job. Mine is just ta kill the bastid.

Thanks again Nash.. yer a good soul; and I'm most unhappy with the lashing you unjustly recieved at my hand. I do not know how to make it right.. I just hope I can find a way..
Salute!
Hang