Alright. Saddam is an evil opressive bastard who has ordered the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people, indirectly or directly. He also is a Barbie doll collector who likes to have Ken wear drag.
The purpose of the war is somewhat cloudy - cloudy in the way that it has shifted form and position over time. Or cloudy as the smoke from a joint that gently glitters and invents new colours and it hypnotically soars toward the now moving ceiling inhabitated by pink small monkeys who all have wrenches. Anyway; regime change went to WMD threat went to WMD and regime change which continued on to Liberation Of Iraqi people after briefly stopping at Al Qaeda and Saddam; In Bed With Black Satin Sheets (on DVD 07.14.03). But that's natural (the aforementioned, not the DVD release date), because people in different departments will feel the weight should be on a partiular thing, so I haven't got a beef with it. Mainly because beef, which is a very physical thing, doesn't really sit well with something more abstract like a department. Or a conceptualized drawer if you will. Or a picture of a conceptualized drawer Well, the picture would be physial enough. The conceptualized drawer in the picture would be physical onl...never mind.
However, since the US is the sole superpower and now is in a position where it seems willing to use pre-emptive strikes to keep the US safe and everyone else something totally different from safe and since it cares deeply about the people living under opressive regimes (Operation Iraqi Martyrdom or whatever it is called, and Danish taxpayers in a future operation called Operation Hard Fist Into Socialist Asses), and since there is lots of hardware in the Gulf (with software, like Pong and Catch The Cruise Missile installed on them) and since the US taxpayers probably can spend another few hundred billion dollars on war without it significantly affecting the economy directly (and a tax cut will, in the end, mean more bombs so it is a good thing)...since all this, where to go next? Well, let us go to a guided tour through the nicer places on earth. Nice enough if you're a maggot in need of some dead human flesh to consume, anyhow.
Which brings me to reincarnation - maybe that maggot might actually be eating the remnants of his own former self! Wouldn't THAT be an interesting philosophical and physical question; a virtual perpetuum mobile (except it ain't virtual, and probably not very mobile) .And it might be called RECURSIVE INCARNATION! I am gonna start my own cult now. Or later. With my new theory; I have all the time in the world, and then a few extra seconds borrowed from an alien with four legs, three of which are made of wood and a fourth which is actually a tentacle/mouth combination which did a mean Michael Jackson emulation).
North Korea would be an obvious place to start. They are developing WMDs and have the capacity to use missiles to deliver them - a few years all the way down to the US presidents own sofa in his White House TV room, right next to the place where his dogs used to poo on the carpet.
'Better resolved with diplomacy' is what we're being told. Aye, one aspect of it might - they MIGHT stop develop nuclear weapons. On the other hand, why the hell should they? Do it clandestine and underground. After all, they are part of the axis of evil and they actually DO think that the US might launh a pre-emptive attack against them. Therefore, whatever diplomatic solution is found, they are likely to ontinue working on nuclear bombs for 'deterrence' (DeTerrence is a French pacifist). And they will do it underground, because evil geniuses always do that, so something can fall down on top of James Bond and keep us in suspense until the women with little on come and take the suspense to a new, taller, more potent and 'expanded' level.
That was the WMD argument, which appears to argue for the use of a pre-emptive strike since Kim Jong Il is a despicable man (Bushs own words, and I agree) that builds nukes rather than bother with feeding his people, which he semi-needs for his Incubation Unit. Next amongst the arguments is the Opression Argument. I think it is safe to say that kim Jong Ils regime is brutal, opressive and violates just about any Human Rights laws there are, and probably a few that have yet to be invented. So democracy would be a big step forward for these chaps, which may also be called 'gooks' in times of war. Then it is agreed; using the same moral arguments as for a war on Iraq, we have no reached the conclusion that we should go to war against NK, if not for WMDs then because of regime change and human rights abuses.
The problem being of course that a war here won't be an easy one. Mountains, tough terrain, plenty of places to hide, long supply lines, a well trained and relatively well armed enemy, South Korea that gotta be protected because they make video games and of course the NK civilians which need to be freed must preferrably be freed while having a temperature above freezing. Popular support for this war will be next to nothing once the casualty rate goes over 10 000. BUT, since we're righteous people with only good, noble thoughts in our mind, we'll go ahead anyway. We have no hidden agendas after all and we're the leaders of the free world, or whatever will be left of it after we're done
Ok, fine. Next country; Saudi Arabia. They probably don't have any WMDs and they ARE our allies, but we have to judge fairly by the facts. What we have is a tyrannical semi-kingdom regime, in which half of the population are treated as sub-humans and the other half, who might enjoy abusing the first half, is in turn being abused by the government, AKA our Ally. Since Saudi Arabia is a place of enormous importance with regards to religion, setting it up as a free capitalistic country where you get what you earn and is actually allowed to express sentences such as 'Could I please get some milk for my child' or 'aaaaagh noo, stop it, don't carve in me with the meathook again, I admit I tried to kill Elvis!'.
Militarily, it's not much of a challenge, except the population we're trying to set free will be trying to set fire to us. Or shred us to pieces or do other painful things to us. Eventually they'll learn though thanks to our labelling of them as 'enemy combatants' and once democracy is installed and working properly they'll grudgingly acknowledge that the US has done something for them, usually between phrases such as 'invader of the holy land' and 'heathen imperialists'. But we don't think about thanks; we think about humans.
Support for the war would be easy to get, since we're basically doing Iraq again, minus the WMDs. In place of that argument and in place of the support it'd give, we turn to right wing religious nutters. Might even make Christianity part of the Freedom deal. The holy cities could be modified to be supermalls, and sell g-strings to newly liberated fat Arab women. Military casualties during the war will be few, but the prolonged period of occupatio..err, of peace keeping will be costly, and once we've drained their oil (for safekeeping in the US, since it currently lies in a very dangerous area), we'll pull out gradually and let our new Iraqi friends keep the area secure.
Next; Iran. This country is also on the Axis of evil, and has both a WMD threat and an opressive regime. While culturally and ethnically different from other Arab countries (most Iranians apparently do not consider themselves true Arabs), it still has that wonderful touch of fundamentalism that makes the Middle East such a lovely place to visit. So we have opressive regime, WMDs AND a religious set of nutters. We'll get even more backing than against Saudi Arabia. Military victory will be swift since Iranians use the hugely ineffective Human Wave attack. We'll have the Inhuman Wave of Death And Destruction Through Soon To Be Banned Cluster Munition (Except Not Banned For The US, Of Course, Since All Our Bomblets Always Explode - Guaranteed Or Money And Limbs Back! (WODADTSTBBCM(ENTFTUSOCSAOBAE-GOMALB!))
Other various small states such as Qatar and so on will also have to be democratizised. These countries, while rich, are so small we'll just gulp them up en masse a la Saudi Arabia. Four French words there; means I just used half my monthly quota (set by the Homeland Security guy).
Israel has WMD. It's violating Human Rights and carries out targetted assassinations without really thinking about collateral damage. As such, a militant dead along with say 7 innocent children is considered a succes - a resounding one if they manage to hide the bodies (or the bodies are blown to itty bitty pieces) of two of the kids. So we'd have to deal with the Jews, hmm. We need a Final Solution to this problem. The problem being that they're already free, so we cannot invade to set them free. We gotta invade to make sure WE stay free. Of course we cannot attack Israel because of the Zionist New World Order's influence politially, through money contributions and through positions of power within the US. So we'll use the CIA like we used to, back in the fun days, when Daddy was running it. A few assassinations, some terrorist actions done against our own, and we'll sort that place out.
Well, that was the Middle East, sort of. In the next post we'll mve on to countries such as Russia, France and China, and also take a look at India and Pakistan. We'll treat the whole of Africa as one thing (minus South Africa were we'll reverse some 'being a part' rules to make a brighter society (literally brighter, at least in some areas. Other, less prestigious dwellings will decidedly get darker)).
Toodlepipski
