Everyone has had one of those Tucker Max nights .
I had just been appointed Manager of the 2nd largest Liquor Store in our 33 store chain. I had been with the company less than a year after selling my own store and was "The Golden One" it appeared. We were taking a Company sponsored trip to the Texas Package Store Association's annual convention in Houston. The Mecca of everything alcohol.
Everything was paid for, including airfare. While sitting in the terminal waiting on the 9am flight, I noticed a beautiful girl that had been a Tasting Model (hands out free samples of booze) at my store recently. She was to be a Model for a new Liqueur being introduced at the convention. Immediately I offered her the seat next to mine and we began the adventure together. Thank God and Herb Kelleher that Southwest Airlines did not assign seats.
On the flight down we were treated with champagne and strawberries compliments of my company's CEO. They did remind us that it would be a long day and to pace ourselves, we were representing our Company...silly mortals. Upon arrival we were scurried to the Hotel and I parted company with my next ex-wife as she went to her booth and I began trolling the Hospitality Suites.
The order was something like Anheiser Busch, Coors, Miller,Scheflein & Sommerset, UDV, Republic Beverage, Never heard of you but I'll drink your booze,ect. I had at least 6 drinks the first hour and add 10% to each following hours total. By noon I had a mild stupor in the works, but now the main floor was open for the show. Let the Games begin!
The main floor had over 300 booths, most of them giving away free booze. Miniatures, cocktails, free samples by the truckload.By 7pm I had visited each of them at least 3 times and I AM SPARTICUS! After the 2nd visit to the booth my next ex-wife was working I had made a permanent impression after she failed to pay 100% complete attention to me and belive this was the downfall to our nuptuals. The 3rd visit ended with the words slut and c**t mixed in the conversation, but I managed to snag yet more freebies.
The main floor closed and the Casino party began. It was all play money, but you got to bid on items at the ending auction. Not sure how much I won, but I was tearing up the Craps Table and met a cute (mind you this is thru several sets of booze goggles) girl. We left the party and adjorned to her room. It was either the peeing in her closet or puking on her clothes hanging in said closet that prompted my exit from her company. I belive the "C" word was used in my epilogue.
My timing was impecable, several other Managers were franticly looking for me. Our shuttle to the Airport was about to leave...All Aboard! I was lucky enough to have the last remaining seat...next to the VP of Sales, a real weasel of a guy. We arrive at the Airport and have about 30 min before we leave, just enought time to hit the Bar and blackout!
(This was told to me by independant sources, and I belive it to be true) I THOUGHT I lost my ticket. We searched me, my Bag O' Freebies from the show, everyones Bag O' Freebies...no ticket."I put it on my F***ING bag so I wouldn't lose it!"
As the CEO was heading to buy me ANOTHER ticket, I produced mine from my pocket (I coulda sworn it wasn't there). Boarding Call comes and a Southwest Airlines Nazi refuses to let me on the plane. Some sort of negotiations ensue and I am eventually allowed onboard but the Nazi's refuse me drink service.
(I regain memory at this point) We land in Dallas and are shuttled back to Company Headquarters. Several Supervisors help me to my car but want my keys. "I'm F***ING FINE, OK?" is not the answer they are looking for and I eventually give in and let one of them drive me home. Forgot to mention to them I live 2 hours away from Dallas. He gets me home and calls his wife to come get him. The dizzy biatch gets lost and I have to get back out of bed to show him the store she is calling from. I tell him I'm fine now, really appreciate what he did for me and will repay him someday. As I pull out of the store I tag a fire hydrant. They leave.I got my car unattached from the fire hydrant and head home.
I worked there for 3 years after that and nothing was ever said to me about it. But I was no longer "The Golden One". Moral of the story? Don't mix beer, vodka, kaulah, chardonnay, hot damn, coconut rum, gin, jello shots, port, tequila, baileys, merlot, grand marnier,rum, bourbon, jaegermeister, malt liquor, cabernet, scotch, brandy, mescal and schnapps without eating.
