ya it's very screwed up. (luckly I've only had a spectators view)
a couple of examples
one of my best friends, we went through our apprenticeship together. so, he's doing the good dad thing always putting his wife and kids first. one day I pick him up to share a ride to a union meeting (about 60 miles away), things are going great as far as h can tell, she kisseshim goodbye at the door and we leave. we show back-up after noon and the house is empty. no furniture, no kids stuff, none of her stuff, none of his personal stuff that had any value what so ever, just some garbage and things she couldn't sell. oh, ya and no contact. no note, no letter, no msg on the answering machine (not that she left it or the phone), no msg through a friend, no idea what happened to his wife and kids for about 3 weeks.
when he gets contact it's through a process server, filing for divorce and a restraining order. typical legal ploy, claim abuse, no evedence, no injury, no police report, no bruises, no witnesses, just her saying it happend. no specific day it happened or anything, no calls for help in the night. just "I'd like a divorce, and a restraining order, ya, he hit me once I don't remember when but I'm afraid"
so now he's got the dangerouse wife beater label, can't see his kids (which is really killing him), can't even get an answer as to why.
so she gets everything, he doesn't even fight for it. even though he'd worked his bellybutton off for about 8 years and finally got on top of the bills and some equity in his house (probably why she left then, waiting till it was worth it).
so he lets her have everything (she had to take care of the kids after all and she might need it), agreed to a high suport payment without a fight (again his kids would need it).
then a year or 2 go by and he meets a new girl and tries to start over.
he's happy again for the first time in years. working hard paying his bills, walking on air, he's got a new kid on the way.
so the new baby comes and the bills start piling up so he realizes that taking the local jobs isn't going to be enough to suport his house and the ex's, so he travels to hit some bigger money jobs.
thats where the fun begins.
so we make 35-60k a year depending on the economy.
if you are willing to travel you can make some good money in a short time but you can't do it every week.
so he takes a couple of the out of state jobs to make enough extra to cover the bills. on a 7-12's job you can gross about $3,200.
so he travels 2000 mi, and works 7 days a week 12 hours a day on a 3 month job. time away from his family but it will cover the bills, and maybe save enough that he can afford to stay in the area to work for most of the year.
so off he goes to work, a couple weeks later she gets the 2 or 3 checks he owes her, she asks around (knows people in the trade) and finds out he headed out of town for a good money job.
then she files for a change in his support. he is making $3,200 a week, thats 166k a year, he's not sharing near enough with his kids. so he gets a letter stating he needs to be in court in a couple weeks or he can not show and his new suport payment will be based on 166k per year (btw this also doesn't take into account that even if he could find the work make 166k he's also need to deduct the price of 365 days of hotels plaus food and travel expenses)
he can't afford that so he quits the job and drives home (you don't get a couple of weeks off in this kind of work, you either work here and show up every day, or you don't work here).
he argues it in court and they dont change the suport (even though he actually had made less that year then the year they origanally based his suport on they didn't adjust it lower, they just decide not to raise it)
so a 5 or 6 months go by and he finds another out of town job that would get him out of the hole financially. so off he goes, a couple weeks later another sumons and the whole thing goes again.
so this happens 3 or 4 more times, always the same thing and the same arguments. she don't work, and since she's on welfare she gets an attorney for free any time she wants to file for an adjustment (suprisingly, he can't seem to get a hearing to have his adjusted when he loses work. he can only have it looked at on certain aniversary dates (not sure exactly how that works, just that she can ask to have it looked at, he can't)
so one day he gets the summons and quits the job to go to court, he gets back in town and the new wife tells him she can't live like this.
he's constantly leaving town for work, yet they never have any money, and when he is in town all he does is fight it out with his ex about money and when he's gone she has to listen to the ex call and squeak about money. basicly this isn't what she signed on for, she's sorry, she loves him, but she wants out.
they argue about it she stands by her decision, and goes off to the store to let it all kind of sink in.
while she was gone he stuck a .44 to his chest and put a round through his hart.
you always hear about the women, and how hard single mother have it (and some do). but the system is perfectly willing to stand by some greed money grubbing squeak while she uses the kids as a tool to suck the life out of some poor guy whos only crime was giving a damn about her.
so for the record guys are often the victim too. abviosly most don't end up as bad off as my friend and most gold diggers have at least a piece of a soul and know when to let up.
but the suport system is screwed and it needs fixing.
sorry, there was another example but after dragging all this up I don't feel much like anymore typing tonight
