REASONS SHEEP ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN:
Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth.
You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear.
Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather.
Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease.
Nuttin' beats mutton.
Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel.
Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early.
Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down.
Sheep never ask about your former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them.
No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe.
Sheep are never concerned about their reputation.
Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up.
Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up the second time.
Sheep never insist on eating out.
You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Mel Gibson.
Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late.
Sheep don't smell like tuna fish.
Sheep don't get moody once a month.
You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth.
A sheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay.
A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed.
A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon.
A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car.
A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains.
A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay.
A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy.
A sheep won't care if you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator.
A sheep won't get even with you by spending your paycheck on new clothes, none of which are see-through or meant to be worn in the bedroom.
A sheep will never sue you for alimony.
A sheep won't care if you screw her sister.
A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is
A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing.
A sheep won't use your razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can.
Sheep never have a headache.
A sheep won't give your favorite hunting shirt to Goodwill.
A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom.
A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons.
Sheep grow their own fur coats.
A sheep will never leave a vibrator on the living room couch when you're having friends over to watch football.
Sheep won't cheat on you with your best friend.
A sheep will never ask if you'll still respect her in the morning.
Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex.
A sheep never yells at you for leaving the lid up.
A sheep won't send you out for batteries for her vibrator.
A sheep doesn't think it's demeaning or kinky to do it doggy style.
A sheep won't mind if you put up mirrors in the bedroom.
Sheep are "ram tough".
A sheep won't think you're cheap and tacky if you: send daisies instead of long-stemmed red roses, tip less than 20%, wear levis with a hole in the seat, open beer bottles with your teeth.
Sheep don't mind if you leave the lights on.
Sheep don't mind doing it in the morning.
Sheep don't mind doing it in a pickup truck.
A sheep will never use the excuse that: she just did her nails, it's too hot, it's too cold, you'll wake the kids, you'll wake the neighbors, she's too drunk to enjoy it, she's not drunk enough to enjoy it.
A sheep will never leave you for a cucumber.
You can't tell when a sheep is over weight.
Sheep don't hog the bathroom for hours on end every morning.
Sheep won't drag you to a chick flick.
Sheep aren't feminists.
Sheep don't get offended when you drag 'em out with shears and shave 'em down.
A Sheep doesn't try to get you jealous by flirting in front of you with your friends.
Sheep don't drive automobiles... let alone drive ANYTHING.
A Sheep won't ***** when you are doing things with the guys.
Sheep have no need for 372 pairs of shoes.
Sheep don't complain about thongs or any type of lingerie
Sheep don't mind the taste of whipped cream.
Sheep won't kick you out of your own bed - well, they MIGHT but they won't do it verbally.
Sheep never complain if your laundry needs doing... badly.
Sheep could care less about fashion sense.
Sheep don't hate football season.
A Sheep won't encourage you to get into fights.
You can feed a sheep to a crocodile and when you're done you won't get thrown in prison for it.
Warm on BOTH sides.
Sheep make wool.
Sheep don't ask "What have you done for me lately?"
You can be a sheep farmer... aka Polygamy.
You can sell a sheep when you're tired of it.
With a sheep, you don't have to buy it dinner first and it can be your dinner *after*.
Sheep make the same noise all the time.
You don't have to hide your credit cards around sheep.
Sheep don't run away.
Sheep are always on all fours.
No one's ever heard a sheep say "Men are scum".
Sheep don't expect an orgasm.
A Sheep doesn't mind if you are done in two minutes or if you go to sleep afterwards.
Sheep don't have a father with a shotgun.
You can practice unsafe sex with sheep and not worry about pregnancy.
Sheep don't drag you to work parties or any other stupid parties.
Sheep will let you sleep in 'til noon.
Sheep don't drag you to 'family gatherings'.
Sheep don't expect you to marry them.
You don't have to buy expensive jewelry for sheep.
A sheep doesn't care if you ever meet its parents.
A sheep won't constantly nag you about what you're thinking.
A Sheep doesn't fill in your planner with sissy romantic stuff - like "Remember Valentine's Day"
Sheep could care less about chocolate or what it does to their thighs.
Sheep don't know the difference between a 1 karat and a 2 karat diamond.
Sheep don't want to monopolize all your time.
A Sheep has never had a hard time picking out a new shirt, a wedding gift or even a bathing suit.
Sheep "Baa" instead of *****"
A sheep won't drink your beer.
Sex with a sheep under 18 is not considered statutory rape.
You don't have to worry about mom approving of your sheep, you know she doesn't.
You can legally kill a sheep.
A sheep won't smoke your weed, through they might eat it.
There's no such thing as an ugly sheep.
Sheep won't tell you to mow the lawn - they mow it for you.
Sheep orgies are easy to arrange.
Three words: "Sheep don't tell."
A sheep won't yell out another man's name during sex.
A sheep has never asked "Do you love me?"
You can legally own a sheep.
Receiving oral sex from a sheep is as simple as buying a jar of peanut butter.
Velcro Mittens don't work on women.
Sheep don't care if you are late.
It doesn't take buying a lot of expensive drinks at the bar to take advantage of a sheep.
You won't get AIDS from a sheep, though Syphilis can be a problem.
Sheep are not anorexic.
Sheep don't mind hearing about how great an ex-girlfriend was at oral sex.
Sheep don't care whether you hate their parents.
Sheep don't care if you screw their parents, siblings, cousins or any other blood relative.
Sheep don't press charges.
Sheep don't make up a "Honey-Do" list for Football Saturday/Sunday.
Sheep don't have alcoholic mothers who make passes at you.
Sheep can't e-mail.
Carrots - not Karats.
Sheep don't know how to call you on the telephone.
Sheep don't like boy bands.
Sheep dont get pissed when you're playing video games
