Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: oakranger on March 10, 2009, 09:24:02 PM
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If you a parent and your kids have a cell phone or access to the computer, do you know what they are doing? There is a increase phenomenon of kids using their cell phones and computers to send photos and videos of them self nude. It is known as “sexting.” It is a problem that society is having trouble dealing with.
There are serious consequents of kids behaving like this. At worst, they are charge for child pornography and could send somebody eals in jail who had nothing to do with it. So check there cell phone, email, chat lines and any other technology that they can send pix.
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If you a parent and your kids have a cell phone or access to the computer, do you know what they are doing? There is a increase phenomenon of kids using their cell phones and computers to send photos and videos of them self nude. It is known as “sexting.” It is a problem that society is having trouble dealing with.
There are serious consequents of kids behaving like this. At worst, they are charge for child pornography and could send somebody eals in jail who had nothing to do with it. So check there cell phone, email, chat lines and any other technology that they can send pix.
Also, be aware some people post on forums in a new language called 'Gibberish' -- a very serious threat to society with major 'consequents.'
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The best thing to do if someone sends you a picture of this nature and you know they are is to text back, "have you sent it yet?" Really freaks them out.
wrongway
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The best thing to do if someone sends you a picture of this nature and you know they are is to text back, "have you sent it yet?" Really freaks them out.
wrongway
I've got one better. Respond with "oops, wait, thats my dad's number!". If theyre dumb enough they'll freak out before they realize you're obviously holding the phone anyway...
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It's just another avenue. You'd better check your kid's flash drives, pockets, wallets, hard drives, internet databases, IM clients, emails, pillows, closets, MP3 players, game systems, ect if you're going to flip over phones. If a kid's going to do something digital these days, they'll find a new way around anything you try to do to stop them, even if it means just doing it at someone else's house. Better off teaching them morals and such as they grow up instead of trying to iron-fist them.
Or, teach them to be like me and encrypt (http://www.truecrypt.org) all their goodies. :D
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I run a keylogger, I know every keystroke my 14 yr old daughter makes on the computer. I know every single website she goes to. I know who she emails.
I use this one: (except I paid for the more comprehensive version)
http://www.download.com/Free-KGB-Key-Logger/3000-2162_4-10357898.html
I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
She knows I use some sort of software to keep track of her activities but has no idea what it is or how to access it. We haven't had a single problem since. :)
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I cant say I have ;)
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Back in my day, we didn't have all those fancy gadgets. We had to use rocks, throw them at the girls window and beg them to show us the goods. After being beaten by the father/brothers, the sympathy would finally get us what we were looking for. :rock
Now adays these couch potatoes don't even have to budge to get their jollies. Geesh! :D
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I use the program called "I gonna whip your butt if you do that" and it works perfectly well when used in conjunction with proper teaching and surveillance techniques and random checks of all electronic devices and equipment that my oldest son has access to. It has been very effective in eliminating the bad behavior before it goes too far. In fact my father used it on me and his used it on him and so on...It must have worked pretty well.
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I'm beginning to like you more and more. :D
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How come this wasnt around when I was in school
And the teachers are all younger and hotter then what they was then too
:cry
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I suppose paddles appeal more to older people than to the young?
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I'd rather have had a whooping than have someone stalking me, personally. I never had either, though.
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I suppose paddles appeal more to older people than to the young?
In grade school the principal had a nice wooden paddle with holes in it. Werent afraid to use it either.
But of course I was innocent and never got it :)
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This is yet another example of too little too late. Teach the right values when they're young and cross your fingers that it sticks.
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I run a keylogger, I know every keystroke my 14 yr old daughter makes on the computer. I know every single website she goes to. I know who she emails.
I use this one: (except I paid for the more comprehensive version)
http://www.download.com/Free-KGB-Key-Logger/3000-2162_4-10357898.html
I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
She knows I use some sort of software to keep track of her activities but has no idea what it is or how to access it. We haven't had a single problem since. :)
Are you serious???
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Nothing wrong with using software to monitor your child's use of the computer. I think one of the problems with some kids is lack of discipline at home. Case of parents trying to be a friend rather than a parent.
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You know, I just remembered something. Instead of spying on your kid's computer usage by paying for keyloggers, why not use OpenDNS (http://www.opendns.com/)? It blocks sites on the domain level and can be custom tailored to fit your needs, including support for logging all sites visited and producing usage statistics. Sure, it won't log every single keystroke, but it'd probably be much more appreciated than being constantly spied on.
Personally, I use OpenDNS to deny access to harmful/threatening sites like known phishing areas or parked addresses.
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Well, I suppose there's two philosophies. The iron-will parent that enforces strict rules to make their children know right and wrong, and the parent that would like their children to learn through trust and experience. Both are viable options and both have their options laid out here. :) I suppose that debate's for another thread, even though this one was derailed from the first few replies.
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I run a keylogger We haven't had a single problem since. :)
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3392/3345563655_d11c2e7da1_m.jpg)
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M00T that is prolly the funniest picture ive seen on the forums LOL. ^^^^^^^ And as to key stroke recorders, how is she ever gonna learn bout the birds and bees without shakin a few trees?
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I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
You know she just does it elsewhere, right?
Kids are curious and the anatomy of the opposite sex will be a mystery to her.
Arming her with a level head and a solid set of morals is the best defence you can have against teen sex.
Give your children knowledge, don't deprive them of it.
Don't leave out the STDs, either. If you tell her about those, in graphic detail, you won't have to worry about her having sex, she'll be too scared of being promiscuous.
Herpes is a good one, show her some pictures of that. Don't forget the rest, either. There is some disgusting watermelon out there
Or, go to a family planning clinic. If they're anything like the one my girlfriend works at, they'll have all sorts of information on pregnancy and STDs. The booklets I've seen were quite disgusting. I bet you $50 that works better than logging her keystrokes on the computer.
Also, while I'm at it, this charging kids with 'child pornography' for receiving photos of the girlfriends naked is the most ridiculous load of BS I have seen come out of the legal system in years.
What a joke. A free act of choice involving no sexual contact at all.... being considered a crime? F- k off.
Whoever thought of that should be bludgeoned to watermelon for being a complete arse.
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By the way Elfie, I'm not trying to be disrespectful toward your chosen style of parenting.
It's just that, as I said, my girlfriend works in a family planning clinic and she sees too many 13-16 year old girls in trouble. I'll be brief, here's what happens.
A girl comes in with or without her 'boyfriend':
- Neither of them know much/anything about sex and reproduction
- Nether of them know anything about STDs
A lot of the girls come in with whatever cash they can find because they wouldn't dare tell their parents about it.
Hard-line, stand-over tactics similar to the ones you stated in this thread often lead to girls ending up in situations like I just mentioned.
Should the very worst case scenario arise, do you want your kid to feel that she has to make the hardest or worst, most terrible decision in her life alone?
Just a suggestion, mate.
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By the way Elfie, I'm not trying to be disrespectful toward your chosen style of parenting.
It's just that, as I said, my girlfriend works in a family planning clinic and she sees too many 13-16 year old girls in trouble. I'll be brief, here's what happens.
A girl comes in with or without her 'boyfriend':
- Neither of them know much/anything about sex and reproduction
- Nether of them know anything about STDs
A lot of the girls come in with whatever cash they can find because they wouldn't dare tell their parents about it.
Hard-line, stand-over tactics similar to the ones you stated in this thread often lead to girls ending up in situations like I just mentioned.
Should the very worst case scenario arise, do you want your kid to feel that she has to make the hardest or worst, most terrible decision in her life alone?
Just a suggestion, mate.
I kind of agree. I had something of a 'scare' with my girlfriend a while back (Lets just say certain brands aren't very... well... they break ;) ) and there were two options. Sit on it, and hope for the best (Because there wasn't much we could do alone to fix the problem), or, go to my parents and beg for help. Thank god for me my father has a more open style of parenting. I was able to come to him, explain what happened, and get an ECP. Honestly, if I was raised under the iron will, I would still have gotten myself in that situation (I cannot emphasise enough, Durex SUCKS!!!) only I wouldn't have gotten myself out. Keep in mind, even if your kids understand sex, they understand protection (I'm paranoid, I make DAMNED sure its as safe as can be) things CAN go wrong, and you want to be sure your kids can come to you before the problem becomes, well, a nine-month time-bomb. Just the .02 of a teen who has been in that particular predicament.
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Personally, i dont sext. But alot of my friends do. Some of them even start fwd's of naked pics of girls in our school.
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Sexting eh?
So what else did Oprah have on her show today?
Tronsky
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My parents raised/are raising me with the "trust and experience" method, though they aren't really concerned with what I may or may not see on the internet because they know I'm not an idiot. I would say it has worked so far, I'm not out and about getting boozed up or impregnating women. Depends on the kid I guess.
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wow, i never heard of this before. Geuss its time to update and get a phone with a colour screen. :O
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wow, i never heard of this before. Geuss its time to update and get a phone with a colour screen. :O
Let me know and ill send you some pics of me :D wohoo!
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I fail to understand how teens sending self pics to other teens consitutes child porn.
Im not saying its ok. I just dont understand how a teen gets charged for child porn for taking pics of themselves and passing it onto other teens.
Just seems downright silly.
Elfie
"I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
She knows I use some sort of software to keep track of her activities but has no idea what it is or how to access it. We haven't had a single problem since"
So you busted your 14 year old for acting like a normal 14 year old?
I know there is something of a double standard when it comes to girls Vs boys. Because I have both. And there is indeed a double standard.
But I also know that regardless of sex. Around that age. Females have very much the same feelings and curiosities and participate in teh same ...ummmm "activities" shall we say as males.
I monitor/ed both my kids internet access.
I've known my son has looked at prn since he was 15. (he's going to be 21 in June) Never said a word to him. I dont plan on saying anything to my daughter (now 12 going on 13) either. So long as the activity doesnt become obsessive.
Your kid, so its ultimately your call. But Im not sure of the wisdom behind busting a teens chops for looking as it will probably only serve to drive this activity underground.
Teens of both sexes look. You looked. I looked. We all either do or have looked. Especially around that age. And if they arent or cant feel safe looking at home. Then they will be looking at a friends house. Its a loosing battle.
and if you havent been through having a teenage kid untill now.
Keep in mind that your best picking and choosing your battles. LOL
I personally have opted on stressing the consequences of real life interaction. Disease, pregnancy, etc
The largest danger here was she googled "naked boys" (assuming that discription was accurate. As that could get YOU in trouble for child porn.
THAT point I might have stressed.
But then again that may be just what your concern was.
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Some of them even start fwd's of naked pics of girls in our school.
I could see how that could be considered sexual harassment. It's a bit of a dog act to do that, so I could understand someone taking action about that. Even if it wasn't legal action, just school action.
But a couple of chicks sending pictures of their bee-stings to their boyfriends? Naahhhhh.
You guys need to reign your justice system in and turf the Oprah Winfrey attitude.
"Harden the F -ck up" should be the new motto of your justice system. It would be way better.
Come to think of it, my justice system should change its motto to that too, it's turning into yours.
Some guy sued a council for $80 000 for not putting up a 'slippery when wet' sign on a dirt road.
It was raining, he didn't slow down for a corner and what do you think happened? What a tosser.
He ballsed up and it was entirely his fault. Did he think that wet dirt would somehow be more grippy? What a bender. I can't believe the judge didn't get up, climb down from the chair and punch him right in the face. What a joke.
He should have been told to piss off and given a massive fine for being a avacado and wasting everyone's time.
That would have been justice.
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I could see how that could be considered sexual harassment. It's a bit of a dog act to do that, so I could understand someone taking action about that. Even if it wasn't legal action, just school action.
But a couple of chicks sending pictures of their bee-stings to their boyfriends? Naahhhhh.
You guys need to reign your justice system in and turf the Oprah Winfrey attitude.
"Harden the F -ck up" should be the new motto of your justice system. It would be way better.
Come to think of it, my justice system should change its motto to that too, it's turning into yours.
Some guy sued a council for $80 000 for not putting up a 'slippery when wet' sign on a dirt road.
It was raining, he didn't slow down for a corner and what do you think happened? What a tosser.
He ballsed up and it was entirely his fault. Did he think that wet dirt would somehow be more grippy? What a bender. I can't believe the judge didn't get up, climb down from the chair and punch him right in the face. What a joke.
He should have been told to piss off and given a massive fine for being a avacado and wasting everyone's time.
That would have been justice.
LOL, "Told him to piss off". Yea, we have a lot of toolboxes in America's that do the same thing. Blame others for there arrogance and stupidities.
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If she's anything as nerdy as I am/was (:o) she might've even been looking up "naked boys" just to begin learning about them. You have no idea how long I spent browsing around looking at scientific/medical pages/wikis that would have tripped the "red parent alarm" learning about the reproductive system and how everything works on both sides. (I blame being a pre-engineering student who wants to know the mechanics of the world. Yeah.)
In any case, because I had no life and did such a thing for a couple months, I saved at least three girls (that I can think of) from various sexual things that would not have ended well. I had to sit down and educate both the girlfriends I've had so far; one only past "it goes here" and the other so far as why it bled every month!
I honestly think that more knowledge would save us. Our teen clinic is packed, especially for a small town. Many of the girls are returning for their state-offered refill on the pill (state would rather pay for pills than babies), but a lot of them are showing up with the "I did it, now what?" question, including a decent number of middle schoolers. The only rebuttal I can see to giving our children such knowledge is that it teaches us how to have sex...well, nature does that pretty well. Even the girl who knew so little about herself that she didn't know why her period happened or what a manhood looked like knew how to get it on if the time came.
EDIT: On the subject of the child porn, I have to agree not just because I'm in the age range. It's legal for kids within a certain age range to have sex if they're within so many years of age to each other, but they can't pass a few naughty pictures? Yes, it should be illegal to distribute it (not the "show your best bud" distribute, the "put everyone in school in the FWD box" distribute) and especially sell it or display it. Really shouldn't be illegal for minors that can consent to sex to consent to raunchy pictures as well.
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Personally, i dont sext. But alot of my friends do. Some of them even start fwd's of naked pics of girls in our school.
Herein lies the problem. Pure naive stupidity. Some girl is going to send a picture to an immature twit. What's he going to do?
"Hey dudes, look what I got"
wrongway
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I run a keylogger, I know every keystroke my 14 yr old daughter makes on the computer. I know every single website she goes to. I know who she emails.
I use this one: (except I paid for the more comprehensive version)
http://www.download.com/Free-KGB-Key-Logger/3000-2162_4-10357898.html
I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
She knows I use some sort of software to keep track of her activities but has no idea what it is or how to access it. We haven't had a single problem since. :)
I respect the privacy of my kids more than that. Watch out your kid may just sue you one day. I'm not kidding.
It's an another thing to teach them what to do and to spy every keystroke they make. If I was a teenager I'd do something really nasty just to rebel against that kind of totaliarism at home. *hint* :rolleyes:
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You crazy kids.
And yes, comming from personal experience, parents being restrictive about some (or all) grown-up things with their kids so that they don't face it and learn how to properly deal with it before they're off in the world and completely on their own means they will be unprepared for it. Sex, drugs and money are the three things parents should be open with their kids and make sure they understand (and part of that understanding is making sure they know that they can come to you when they need help, and that they should because you will help).
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I feel sorry for kids these days. The digital age makes it so much harder to cover your tracks. GPS in cellphones, keyloggers etc etc.
In my day, there was only two things you had to worry about:
- Where to hide the Haddows bag when trying to get a child fare on the train home
- Where to hide your nudey mags so your dad / big brother didn't nick them (although as it turns out, big brother was probably in to a different kind :D).
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wasn't going to post here but, what the hell.
My feelings are as follows:
First of all it has already been said that the solution starts long before they have access to these devices. You need to teach them right from wrong when they are younger, but that is not always going to work.It gives them a decent start but there are many more factors that come into play that can overcome all the hard work you have put in over those first years.
Secondly, "spying" on your kids is not necessarily a bad thing as long as the information obtained is handled in a reasonable manner. Yelling at your teen is not going to help, trust me I was very rebellious against my mother as a teen. The more she yelled the more I went out and continued doing things to make her yell. You need to use this information as a method of knowing which things need to be revisited or to let you know if there is anything you missed or did not know of when bringing up your child.
Thirdly, scare them. Though this is not 100% effective it does help out in many cases. Showing pictures of diseases and them hearing stories of teen pregnancy and how tough it is are all good things. The only thing here is make it informative and not you talking down to them, your tone will make or break this type of activity.
Finally, be honest with them and make sure they know they can tell you anything. Don't just tell them, show them with your actions and your ability to listen without judging (as a parent this is also your job). You can find out so much more about your teen/child by listening to them than you can through spying. You need to keep a good relationship, not just as a disciplinarian but also as a shoulder, and sometimes you need to be a friend. In my opinion a parent will be easier to talk to than your child's friends are (to your child/teen).
just my take on this particular subject
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I could see how that could be considered sexual harassment. It's a bit of a dog act to do that, so I could understand someone taking action about that. Even if it wasn't legal action, just school action.
But a couple of chicks sending pictures of their bee-stings to their boyfriends? Naahhhhh.
You guys need to reign your justice system in and turf the Oprah Winfrey attitude.
"Harden the F -ck up" should be the new motto of your justice system. It would be way better.
Come to think of it, my justice system should change its motto to that too, it's turning into yours.
Some guy sued a council for $80 000 for not putting up a 'slippery when wet' sign on a dirt road.
It was raining, he didn't slow down for a corner and what do you think happened? What a tosser.
He ballsed up and it was entirely his fault. Did he think that wet dirt would somehow be more grippy? What a bender. I can't believe the judge didn't get up, climb down from the chair and punch him right in the face. What a joke.
He should have been told to piss off and given a massive fine for being a avacado and wasting everyone's time.
That would have been justice.
Yes if the image is spread around i would consider it harrasment.
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My thoughts on this as I haven't read all the replies:
If your having this trouble with your teen age child you have failed as a parent!
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My thoughts on this as I haven't read all the replies:
If your having this trouble with your teen age child you have failed as a parent!
There more than a parent that has failed. It the fact that kids have way to much accese to technology that most parents can't keep up of what is out there.
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If you a parent and your kids have a cell phone or access to the computer, do you know what they are doing? There is a increase phenomenon of kids using their cell phones and computers to send photos and videos of them self nude. It is known as “sexting.” It is a problem that society is having trouble dealing with.
There are serious consequents of kids behaving like this. At worst, they are charge for child pornography and could send somebody eals in jail who had nothing to do with it. So check there cell phone, email, chat lines and any other technology that they can send pix.
You do realize that we teenagers only let you folk onto these things when they are going out of style? Also, it is only big phenomenon when the media/local news station picks up on it?
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Thirdly, scare them. Though this is not 100% effective it does help out in many cases. Showing pictures of diseases and them hearing stories of teen pregnancy and how tough it is are all good things. The only thing here is make it informative and not you talking down to them, your tone will make or break this type of activity.
I totally agree here, except there has to be truth in it. Scaring them away with things that really can happen to them is much more effective than telling them oral sex will make them pregnant. I can see why a girl I know was told that, but it made her all the more upset and betrayed when she found out they lied to her, then began wondering what other sexual things were fairytales...luckily I bombarded her with book-style information before she went to find someone's pants to steal. :D
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I totally agree here, except there has to be truth in it. Scaring them away with things that really can happen to them is much more effective than telling them oral sex will make them pregnant. I can see why a girl I know was told that, but it made her all the more upset and betrayed when she found out they lied to her, then began wondering what other sexual things were fairytales...luckily I bombarded her with book-style information before she went to find someone's pants to steal. :D
I actually forgot to put that in there. Mostly because I forget that there are many parents who lie to their children because it is easier than explaining the truth.
thanks for mentioning that. as far as I am concerned it is never a good idea to lie to your children. this kind of goes back to the trust part of our discussion.
I think about it this way. Do you trust someone who has lied to you? Then why should your children trust you if you lie to them?
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Yes if the image is spread around i would consider it harrasment.
if the image is spread around, I would probably call it (if I were the sender, oh, and I can't send/receive picture texts ;) ) getting my bellybutton whooped by her dad.
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You know, I just remembered something. Instead of spying on your kid's computer usage by paying for keyloggers, why not use OpenDNS (http://www.opendns.com/)? It blocks sites on the domain level and can be custom tailored to fit your needs, including support for logging all sites visited and producing usage statistics. Sure, it won't log every single keystroke, but it'd probably be much more appreciated than being constantly spied on.
Personally, I use OpenDNS to deny access to harmful/threatening sites like known phishing areas or parked addresses.
Personally, I would side with "make mistakes and learn from them" but both arguments are valid.
You know she just does it elsewhere, right?
Kids are curious and the anatomy of the opposite sex will be a mystery to her.
Arming her with a level head and a solid set of morals is the best defence you can have against teen sex.
Give your children knowledge, don't deprive them of it.
Don't leave out the STDs, either. If you tell her about those, in graphic detail, you won't have to worry about her having sex, she'll be too scared of being promiscuous.
Herpes is a good one, show her some pictures of that. Don't forget the rest, either. There is some disgusting watermelon out there
Or, go to a family planning clinic. If they're anything like the one my girlfriend works at, they'll have all sorts of information on pregnancy and STDs. The booklets I've seen were quite disgusting. I bet you $50 that works better than logging her keystrokes on the computer.
Also, while I'm at it, this charging kids with 'child pornography' for receiving photos of the girlfriends naked is the most ridiculous load of BS I have seen come out of the legal system in years.
What a joke. A free act of choice involving no sexual contact at all.... being considered a crime? F- k off.
Whoever thought of that should be bludgeoned to watermelon for being a complete arse.
Very true. When I learned about STDs and such in school, I thanked god for me not being a girl! Heheh.
Elfie I see where you are coming from, but that is normal behavior, and as stated, she's going to look at that stuff somewhere else.
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As do I (as my other posts would show). I was just presenting an alternative to the over-your-shoulder style of approach.
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Let me know and ill send you some pics of me :D wohoo!
yes!! We can compare our nipple hair. Sadly i think i will lose my nipples are not very hairy.
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If you a parent and your kids have a cell phone or access to the computer, do you know what they are doing? There is a increase phenomenon of kids using their cell phones and computers to send photos and videos of them self nude. It is known as “sexting.” It is a problem that society is having trouble dealing with.
There are serious consequents of kids behaving like this. At worst, they are charge for child pornography and could send somebody eals in jail who had nothing to do with it. So check there cell phone, email, chat lines and any other technology that they can send pix.
*sighs* again...
a few bad eggs giving the majority a bad name...
Parents, right to be worried, the way everyones cracking it up to be an epidemic... well, slightly annoying...
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Personally, I would side with "make mistakes and learn from them" but both arguments are valid.
Very true. When I learned about STDs and such in school, I thanked god for me not being a girl! Heheh.
Elfie I see where you are coming from, but that is normal behavior, and as stated, she's going to look at that stuff somewhere else.
It's true that guys are slightly less susceptible to STDs (which are actually called STIs now, if we're going to keep talking about it), but I wouldn't be 'relieved' about it, you're not safe by any sense of the word.
Circumcised males are the least likely to contract an STI, though. If you're sporting a turtle-neck you're more likely to catch it than a dude has been streamlined.
Having said that, the only way to be safe with STIs (including using condoms, they're not a complete protection) is to stay away from mingers and promiscuous sex.
That's the sort of thing kids need to know. Not that sex is 'bad' but that it is friggin' dangerous and all too easy to catch an incurable infection from if you sleep around.
That's what I reckon, anyway.
yes!! We can compare our nipple hair. Sadly i think i will lose my nipples are not very hairy.
Pierce your nipples, more hair will grow.
Seriously.
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It's true that guys are slightly less susceptible to STDs (which are actually called STIs now, if we're going to keep talking about it), but I wouldn't be 'relieved' about it, you're not safe by any sense of the word.
Circumcised males are the least likely to contract an STI, though. If you're sporting a turtle-neck you're more likely to catch it than a dude has been streamlined.
Having said that, the only way to be safe with STIs (including using condoms, they're not a complete protection) is to stay away from mingers and promiscuous sex.
That's the sort of thing kids need to know. Not that sex is 'bad' but that it is friggin' dangerous and all too easy to catch an incurable infection from if you sleep around.
That's what I reckon, anyway.
Pierce your nipples, more hair will grow.
Seriously.
Xasthur, do you have kids? lol. You remind me of my dad, only youre a better influence...
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Hahaha.
I don't know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment. :lol
Nah, I don't have kids, I'm 22 mate. :aok
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I'm not sure I'd encourage my kids to pierce their nipples, either. :rofl
If he had the balls to do it and not cry about it, though, that'd be worth some respect. I don't want little girly boy kids.
I'd rather them pierce their nipples than other visible places too... better that then having 2 tonnes of steel hanging out of their face... Looks ridiculous.
I wouldn't let a daughter do it though, only because of the fact that their nipples actually have a function and piercing them before their breasts are fully developed is not a good idea.
No respectable piercer will do it, anyway, which is even more of a concern because only dodgey piercers would do it which makes a bad situation far worse.
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I use the program called "I gonna whip your butt if you do that" and it works perfectly well when used in conjunction with proper teaching and surveillance techniques and random checks of all electronic devices and equipment that my oldest son has access to. It has been very effective in eliminating the bad behavior before it goes too far. In fact my father used it on me and his used it on him and so on...It must have worked pretty well.
Maple makes the best paddle. First used it when he was about 8, last used it when he was about 12. I'm computer savvy and he knows it, just planting the idea that I was watching him was probably enough. :D
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How is this any different than all of us hiding Playboys under our mattresses as children?
Its just a different avenue by which to explore sexuality during teen years. Be worried about adults taking advantage of it - not kids doing it.
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How is this any different than all of us hiding Playboys under our mattresses as children?
Its just a different avenue by which to explore sexuality during teen years. Be worried about adults taking advantage of it - not kids doing it.
Well, when you have a 17 year old girl sending pix of her nude on the cellphone and send it to her BF, it is consider child porn. Not only will she be is trouble, but BF will be charge for child porn. Just type in "sexting" on yahoo or what ever serch site you used. and you will see story after story of kids doing this.
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Ive done it, im 20, i have grown up on it all, aim came out when i was in middle school, and texting ogt big when iw as in high school, i ahve done it, personally i wouldnt consider it a big deal, im sure if there were forums back in the days of dinosuars when you were growing up paretns would be freaking out about the serrious treat of "parking" OH NOES! it just kids finding better ways to go behind parents, and sexting is the least of your worries. lol
sext on :rock
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Well, when you have a 17 year old girl sending pix of her nude on the cellphone and send it to her BF, it is consider child porn. Not only will she be is trouble, but BF will be charge for child porn. Just type in "sexting" on yahoo or what ever serch site you used. and you will see story after story of kids doing this.
Im not discounting the fact that its troubling for a parent. Im simply suggesting that it probably isnt any more 'dangerous,' all things being equal, than anything you did as a child.
Now, regardless of the laws surrounding the age of majority, I would offer to you that 35 year old women send nude cell phone pictures, too. ;)
In any event, I did see the story aired on CNN, I believe, and I thought it was high on sensationalism and low on meat. If I recall correctly, some poor girl hung herself because a picture got around school? Thats horrible... cut it didnt happen because she took a picture of herself.
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In any event, I did see the story aired on CNN, I believe, and I thought it was high on sensationalism and low on meat. If I recall correctly, some poor girl hung herself because a picture got around school? Thats horrible... cut it didnt happen because she took a picture of herself.
My thoughts exactly. This girl was troubled to say the least.
Sexting...yeah it happens, but I don't think it's a big deal. I mean, heck....we don't "sext" at our school...we get the "live show" in the underground locker room
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Sexting...yeah it happens, but I don't think it's a big deal. I mean, heck....we don't "sext" at our school...we get the "live show" in the underground locker room
This is what im getting at, In my highschool there was a guy that sold weed, prepacked in apples that he had fassioned into pipes, out the back of his car during lunch time like he was a vendor at a fair, street racing is much more illegal and far more dangerous, there were places on campus that you couldnt go at lunchtime with out seeing some kids having sex, so frankly having your some nice little girl having phone sex through texting with her boyfrined is the least of your worries as a parent.
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I run a keylogger, I know every keystroke my 14 yr old daughter makes on the computer. I know every single website she goes to. I know who she emails.
I use this one: (except I paid for the more comprehensive version)
http://www.download.com/Free-KGB-Key-Logger/3000-2162_4-10357898.html
I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
She knows I use some sort of software to keep track of her activities but has no idea what it is or how to access it. We haven't had a single problem since. :)
You're going to have a mighty big shock when she gets into high-school. I hope you don't freak out about the thoughts of testorone-crazed teenaged boys going after your daughter, because it's going to happen...soon.
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This is what im getting at, In my highschool there was a guy that sold weed, prepacked in apples that he had fassioned into pipes, out the back of his car during lunch time like he was a vendor at a fair, street racing is much more illegal and far more dangerous, there were places on campus that you couldnt go at lunchtime with out seeing some kids having sex, so frankly having your some nice little girl having phone sex through texting with her boyfrined is the least of your worries as a parent.
+1, the problem these days, at least imo, is OVER protection, if you think about it, reverse psychology works better than telling someone to do something (especially kids. ;)), so tell them, "No, you cannot have sex, so I'm not gonna tell you about it" just leads to uneducated kids having sex. ;)
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This is what im getting at, In my highschool there was a guy that sold weed, prepacked in apples that he had fassioned into pipes, out the back of his car during lunch time like he was a vendor at a fair, street racing is much more illegal and far more dangerous, there were places on campus that you couldnt go at lunchtime with out seeing some kids having sex, so frankly having your some nice little girl having phone sex through texting with her boyfrined is the least of your worries as a parent.
You must have had a messed up high school.
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You must have had a messed up high school.
Come to Hawaii. The biggest customers for our teenage drug dealers are campus security and the police.
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Im not discounting the fact that its troubling for a parent. Im simply suggesting that it probably isnt any more 'dangerous,' all things being equal, than anything you did as a child.
Now, regardless of the laws surrounding the age of majority, I would offer to you that 35 year old women send nude cell phone pictures, too. ;)
In any event, I did see the story aired on CNN, I believe, and I thought it was high on sensationalism and low on meat. If I recall correctly, some poor girl hung herself because a picture got around school? Thats horrible... cut it didnt happen because she took a picture of herself.
About that girl that killed her self. She took the pix of her and send it to her BF. When they broke up, he send it to the kids at school.
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How would 1968 have been if this technology had existed?
In any case, even more pictures from Woodstock :devil
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Are you serious???
Yup. At 14 years old she has no business looking for porn. Not in my house anyways.
However, it isn't just about making sure she isn't visiting porn sites. It's also about protecting her from sexual predators while she is online. She is very gullible and naive and it is my job as her father to not only teach her, but also to protect her.
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You know she just does it elsewhere, right?
Kids are curious and the anatomy of the opposite sex will be a mystery to her.
Arming her with a level head and a solid set of morals is the best defence you can have against teen sex.
Give your children knowledge, don't deprive them of it.
Don't leave out the STDs, either. If you tell her about those, in graphic detail, you won't have to worry about her having sex, she'll be too scared of being promiscuous.
Herpes is a good one, show her some pictures of that. Don't forget the rest, either. There is some disgusting watermelon out there
Or, go to a family planning clinic. If they're anything like the one my girlfriend works at, they'll have all sorts of information on pregnancy and STDs. The booklets I've seen were quite disgusting. I bet you $50 that works better than logging her keystrokes on the computer.
Also, while I'm at it, this charging kids with 'child pornography' for receiving photos of the girlfriends naked is the most ridiculous load of BS I have seen come out of the legal system in years.
What a joke. A free act of choice involving no sexual contact at all.... being considered a crime? F- k off.
Whoever thought of that should be bludgeoned to watermelon for being a complete arse.
No she doesn't, unless she is doing it at school.
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By the way Elfie, I'm not trying to be disrespectful toward your chosen style of parenting.
It's just that, as I said, my girlfriend works in a family planning clinic and she sees too many 13-16 year old girls in trouble. I'll be brief, here's what happens.
A girl comes in with or without her 'boyfriend':
- Neither of them know much/anything about sex and reproduction
- Nether of them know anything about STDs
A lot of the girls come in with whatever cash they can find because they wouldn't dare tell their parents about it.
Hard-line, stand-over tactics similar to the ones you stated in this thread often lead to girls ending up in situations like I just mentioned.
Should the very worst case scenario arise, do you want your kid to feel that she has to make the hardest or worst, most terrible decision in her life alone?
Just a suggestion, mate.
My older daughter, the one in question has a weight problem. (We have her on a diet and I have to make her exercise, but she does it) Because of this weight issue she has, she has never had a boyfriend and isn't likely to any time soon. So while we are concerned with the one issue, we are kinda glad we don't have to worry about her having sex just yet.
She does have a friend that is very pretty and I am darn glad I am not her father because I'd worry all the time. lol
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I fail to understand how teens sending self pics to other teens consitutes child porn.
Im not saying its ok. I just dont understand how a teen gets charged for child porn for taking pics of themselves and passing it onto other teens.
Just seems downright silly.
Elfie
"I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
She knows I use some sort of software to keep track of her activities but has no idea what it is or how to access it. We haven't had a single problem since"
So you busted your 14 year old for acting like a normal 14 year old?
I know there is something of a double standard when it comes to girls Vs boys. Because I have both. And there is indeed a double standard.
But I also know that regardless of sex. Around that age. Females have very much the same feelings and curiosities and participate in teh same ...ummmm "activities" shall we say as males.
I monitor/ed both my kids internet access.
I've known my son has looked at prn since he was 15. (he's going to be 21 in June) Never said a word to him. I dont plan on saying anything to my daughter (now 12 going on 13) either. So long as the activity doesnt become obsessive.
Your kid, so its ultimately your call. But Im not sure of the wisdom behind busting a teens chops for looking as it will probably only serve to drive this activity underground.
Teens of both sexes look. You looked. I looked. We all either do or have looked. Especially around that age. And if they arent or cant feel safe looking at home. Then they will be looking at a friends house. Its a loosing battle.
and if you havent been through having a teenage kid untill now.
Keep in mind that your best picking and choosing your battles. LOL
I personally have opted on stressing the consequences of real life interaction. Disease, pregnancy, etc
The largest danger here was she googled "naked boys" (assuming that discription was accurate. As that could get YOU in trouble for child porn.
THAT point I might have stressed.
But then again that may be just what your concern was.
You are clueless.
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You are clueless.
I apologize for pointing it out, but you do seem to be the minority in this thread. This statement might not be very fitting.
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I apologize for pointing it out, but you do seem to be the minority in this thread. This statement might not be very fitting.
He is clueless because he does not know me or my daughter and is only making assumptions.
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Having the logger on the computer is no different than a parent looking through clothes drawers of their child. Happened all the time when I was growing up. It's a child's job to push the boundaries he/she is given, and it's a parent's job to set safe boundaries and keep an eye on them while they push. If your boundaries are loose, when they push they can really get into trouble. I keep realistic restrictions on my son and absolutely expect him to break them every now and then. I don't always let him know when I catch him, but if he starts getting a little too far out, I'll reign him in.
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Yup. At 14 years old she has no business looking for porn. Not in my house anyways.
Out of curiosity, when does she have the right to look at porn?
15? 16? 17? 18? 21?
If she's not sexually active, she's just curious. It's not like she's getting on the internet for 'tips and tricks'.
Curiosity is normal and healthy.
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You said she was looking for 'Naked boys'.... she probably doesn't know what a wang looks like when it's ready for business.
If she was looking for something more graphic than 'naked boys' I might get where you're coming from.
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Yup. At 14 years She is very gullible and naive and it is my fault as her father to not teach her.
You do realize you're not doing her any favour? A 14-year old shouldn't be gullible and naive anymore. She'll get exploited.
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I Sexting all the time....Phillipino working girls. Only for Immigration purposes.
And yer point?
Mac
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I Sexting all the time....Phillipino working girls. Only for Immigration purposes.
And yer point?
Mac
Do you hide this behavior from your parents? Are they OK with it?
:noid
wrongway
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I'll throw my hat in the ring..........
I am a Nazi parent. My kids (8 and 10) have no rights. They have the right to choose what kind of cereal to eat in the morning.
I check logs, and I use a keylogger which also takes a screenshot every 60 seconds and sends me alerts via email.
I also block as many sites (or keywords) as possible
More than one reason for this. First,they are too young to be viewing pron, and I only have them Wednesdays and every other weekend. If they go home to mom describing what they saw on the internetz at Daddy's house, that would be the absolute wrong answer. It would be ammo to use against me.
How one uses the information gained from the keylogger is the issue. I do not use it to punish or to point out their wrongdoings in a fascist manner. I try to take the approach of "I see you were searching about X on the web. Is there something you are curious about that I can help you understand better?" I also like the screenshots to see who is texting THEM, and WHAT they are being texted.
This may be a bit extreme, but it is how it happens in my house.
Kids need to be protected, but not sheltered. I am the parent, not their friend. Time for friendship is when they are grown. Right now, I am perfectly happy with them fearing me. Fear is the most primal of human emotions, and it does not require a developed sense of logic, or right and wrong.
There are too many parents who claim "My daughter would NEVER do that. She is too smart/mature/well behaved to do anything like THAT! She never dresses like ________, or acts like _________, and I give her space and privacy"
This is usually the daughter pulling a train on the football team.
It is the responsibility of all parents to monitor what their kids are doing. I used to date a girl in school whose father would take the door to her bedroom off the hinge when she had company (a.k.a. boys) until she was 18. He also showed me two of his possessions when I first met him. One was a Colt .45, the other a shovel :D Extreme? Probably.. Effective? Very.
YOU are responsible for your kids actions until they are of age. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure they are doing the right thing until they are old enough to know what the "right" thing is, and put it into practice. I personally don't give a damn which technique works for anyone else. If it is effective for you, kudos.
I, for one, know what I was like as a kid. :devil
It used to be that one watched, listened and paid attention to their childrens' activities. Modern times just means modern techniques.
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As far as this is concerned, I had the best parents in the world. I could do everything I wanted, so long as I had good grades and knew good manners.
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Out of curiosity, when does she have the right to look at porn?
15? 16? 17? 18? 21?
If she's not sexually active, she's just curious. It's not like she's getting on the internet for 'tips and tricks'.
Curiosity is normal and healthy.
When she doesn't live under my rules anymore, then she can do as she wishes.
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You said she was looking for 'Naked boys'.... she probably doesn't know what a wang looks like when it's ready for business.
If she was looking for something more graphic than 'naked boys' I might get where you're coming from.
Yes she does know what a *wang* looks like. She knows how babies are made, she knows how her reproductive system works and she knows how a male's reproductive system works.
How do I know this? Because first my wife and I sat down and discussed how we would go about telling her about the birds and the bees. My wife sat down with her with an illustrated book that we picked out. I wasn't involved in that aspect because we didn't want her feeling embarrassed in any way.
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You do realize you're not doing her any favour? A 14-year old shouldn't be gullible and naive anymore. She'll get exploited.
LOL!!
There are adults that are gullible and naive, it is not unusual for kids to be gullible and naive. I use the keylogger to ensure that she DOESN'T get exploited.
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I'll throw my hat in the ring..........
I am a Nazi parent. My kids (8 and 10) have no rights. They have the right to choose what kind of cereal to eat in the morning.
I check logs, and I use a keylogger which also takes a screenshot every 60 seconds and sends me alerts via email.
I also block as many sites (or keywords) as possible
More than one reason for this. First,they are too young to be viewing pron, and I only have them Wednesdays and every other weekend. If they go home to mom describing what they saw on the internetz at Daddy's house, that would be the absolute wrong answer. It would be ammo to use against me.
How one uses the information gained from the keylogger is the issue. I do not use it to punish or to point out their wrongdoings in a fascist manner. I try to take the approach of "I see you were searching about X on the web. Is there something you are curious about that I can help you understand better?" I also like the screenshots to see who is texting THEM, and WHAT they are being texted.
This may be a bit extreme, but it is how it happens in my house.
Kids need to be protected, but not sheltered. I am the parent, not their friend. Time for friendship is when they are grown. Right now, I am perfectly happy with them fearing me. Fear is the most primal of human emotions, and it does not require a developed sense of logic, or right and wrong.
There are too many parents who claim "My daughter would NEVER do that. She is too smart/mature/well behaved to do anything like THAT! She never dresses like ________, or acts like _________, and I give her space and privacy"
This is usually the daughter pulling a train on the football team.
It is the responsibility of all parents to monitor what their kids are doing. I used to date a girl in school whose father would take the door to her bedroom off the hinge when she had company (a.k.a. boys) until she was 18. He also showed me two of his possessions when I first met him. One was a Colt .45, the other a shovel :D Extreme? Probably.. Effective? Very.
YOU are responsible for your kids actions until they are of age. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure they are doing the right thing until they are old enough to know what the "right" thing is, and put it into practice. I personally don't give a damn which technique works for anyone else. If it is effective for you, kudos.
I, for one, know what I was like as a kid. :devil
It used to be that one watched, listened and paid attention to their childrens' activities. Modern times just means modern techniques.
Good job there dad. :)
You are taking an active part in your childrens upbringing. You are watching over them and correcting any mistakes they might make. Far to many parents these days are far to lenient with their children and we see the effects of it on our society. The original topic of this thread is a perfect example, sexting just doesn't happen in this home and I doubt it will in yours either.
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Although I agree with the general statement of most kids it's okay to let them roam, but we do not know Elfie's kid. One of my cousins is a year younger than me and sounds a lot like what Elfie is describing his daughter as. I wouldn't let my cousin on the internet freely either, she couldn't handle it. She is far too gullible and naive.
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When I was 14, id go over to a friends house and look at playboy and hustler.
The best fun is in the teens and worrying if you will get caught or not :D
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I don't see how sexting on its own is enough to say anything about any kid in particular. Tons of kids are brought up to be, and seem flawlessly educated.. But they're just rotten and worthless to society. And vice versa. Thumbs down to any parent who thinks there's any one-size-fits-all user's manual to raising kids.
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in the early days kids would go find their dads porn collection, now you find whatever you want on the internet
I think some of you guys are a little too strict, theres watching out for your kids and then theres spying. I think an internet nanny is fine, as long as it's blocking porn sites. You don't need to see their every key stroke, let them be kids and gossip with their friends, because as soon as they find out how much you know about what they're doing on the computer they're going to get really upset.
As other people have stated, 12, 13, 14 year olds are at that point where they start getting curious about things, its all very natural. So either the school or you should teach them about safe sex or if abstinance is your belief teach them about that.
Also, sexting, is the craze older people think is big... A couple teachers here in Florida got caught so all of the sudden its a craze. It may not be as big as people are claiming it to be, but we'll never know because the kids won't tell us.
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Elfie, I do have to ask, how does your daughter do in school? She better be a damn genius, especially with all your restrictions. I've seen firsthand what happens to girls that have VERY strict parents. They go all through high school, a good kids, Valedictorian/Salutatorian/Historian, virgins, etc... But when they get into college, away from their parents they go wild. It overwhelms them because it is not a situation they have ever had to handle due to their parents not letting the situation even exist.
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Elfie, I do have to ask, how does your daughter do in school? She better be a damn genius, especially with all your restrictions. I've seen firsthand what happens to girls that have VERY strict parents. They go all through high school, a good kids, Valedictorian/Salutatorian/Historian, virgins, etc... But when they get into college, away from their parents they go wild. It overwhelms them because it is not a situation they have ever had to handle due to their parents not letting the situation even exist.
3.8 GPA.
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in the early days kids would go find their dads porn collection, now you find whatever you want on the internet
My dad didn't have a porn collection. With 8 kids to feed he couldn't afford one. ;)
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I think some of you guys are a little too strict, theres watching out for your kids and then theres spying. I think an internet nanny is fine, as long as it's blocking porn sites. You don't need to see their every key stroke, let them be kids and gossip with their friends, because as soon as they find out how much you know about what they're doing on the computer they're going to get really upset.
An internet nanny will not keep the sexual predators away from her.
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An internet nanny will not keep the sexual predators away from her.
ok, but just do what my parents did, works in public and via the internet, "don't talk to strangers"
simple yet effective. Make sure if she has a facebook or myspace that she has all the privacy settings on and what not, you she should be fine.
Teach that it's not good if someone online is suggesting to "meet up". She needs to learn at some point about all the sickos out there, she'll be better off for it.
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ok, but just do what my parents did, works in public and via the internet, "don't talk to strangers"
simple yet effective. Make sure if she has a facebook or myspace that she has all the privacy settings on and what not, you she should be fine.
Teach that it's not good if someone online is suggesting to "meet up". She needs to learn at some point about all the sickos out there, she'll be better off for it.
We talk to her about all the sickos out there, and she doesn't get to have Myspace/Facebook pages just yet.
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You'll lose everytime, trying to protect vs. making a kid autonomous.
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An internet nanny will not keep the sexual predators away from her.
Heh this is something YOU should think about. She should get knowledge about stuff before it's too late, human anatomy, birth control, std etc. Watching nude photos is 100% harmless - someone out there may offer a live performance and if she never saw a naked man the temptation may be very very large indeed. It's obvious that she's interested anyway - she wouldn't have searched otherwise.
My boy is 8 years old and I accidentally found a sex site in history. I confronted him about that and he denied everything. Turns out his friend (same age) has been watching porn twice already using our computers.
When I was 8 there was no internet. So a good way to find it was to 'harvest' paper recycling bins in the paper collection room. Surefire way to find some smut and oh boy was it exciting to sneak down there and browse through the paper packs in secret! I wish I could have that kind of excitement again but sadly feelings dull down when you get old and probably only drugs could give that strong sensations again.
Where there's a will there's a way.
If she's already 14 and you're still trying to protect her from her natural development and hormonal activity you're in denial and dragging 3-4 years late already. I still remember what girls were doing at 14 when I was young - and just for a hint they were not just looking at pictures. ;)
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Heh this is something YOU should think about. She should get knowledge about stuff before it's too late, human anatomy, birth control, std etc
I guess maybe YOU should learn to read eh?
Yes she does know what a *wang* looks like. She knows how babies are made, she knows how her reproductive system works and she knows how a male's reproductive system works.
How do I know this? Because first my wife and I sat down and discussed how we would go about telling her about the birds and the bees. My wife sat down with her with an illustrated book that we picked out. I wasn't involved in that aspect because we didn't want her feeling embarrassed in any way.
If she's already 14 and you're still trying to protect her from her natural development and hormonal activity you're in denial and dragging 3-4 years late already. I still remember what girls were doing at 14 when I was young - and just for a hint they were not just looking at pictures.
At 14 kids are not ready for the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship. Oh, they think are with encouragement from idiots such as yourself.
Seriously, what are YOU thinking by not protecting YOUR computer so 8 year old kids can't have access to porn? Here in the States that would get YOU arrested.
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...
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At 14 kids are not ready for the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship. Oh, they think are with encouragement from idiots such as yourself.
Seriously, what are YOU thinking by not protecting YOUR computer so 8 year old kids can't have access to porn? Here in the States that would get YOU arrested.
No offence intended Elfie, most people in Britain consider under-age sexual activity and mild pornography to be alot less harmfulll than firearms. I think most people are forgetting that a few hundred years ago girls would be married off and probably pregnant by the age of 14.
As to your parenting skills? Thats up to you sir, I'm not commenting on that at all, just the fact that you say I could be arrested for letting my kids look at some boobs.
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I guess maybe YOU should learn to read eh?
At 14 kids are not ready for the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship. Oh, they think are with encouragement from idiots such as yourself.
Seriously, what are YOU thinking by not protecting YOUR computer so 8 year old kids can't have access to porn? Here in the States that would get YOU arrested.
With our privacy laws you'd be in court in a flash for the keylogger so I guess we're even. :P :salute
And I did set safe search options to Google at least. And that friend of my kid knew exactly what to type to Google to find the *ahem* hardcore site before that.
This is how it happens - no matter how you try to keep them in the dark the word of the street goes around faster. I remember the trade that we had on pron VHS back in the days - they were illegal to watch but strangely enough every teenager had a bunch of them despite you couldn't buy them, rent them.. you get the picture. Now the word of mouth goes with websites and poor ones with locked internets get them via usb thumbs, dvd-roms, ipod, iphone, nokia, archos you name it they have it.
Fighting a losing fight against juvenile hormones.
Oh leme guess you tap down your kid when he/she enters home, check her memory sticks / portable harddrives / dvd's / phone for plain or hidden partitions or encrypted hidden partitions.. hmm.. gets challenging.
If your kid wants to bypass your keylogger all he/she has to do is to borrow a cd from a friend, boot into linux livecd and kaboom world of pr0n is instantly open again.. :t
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My daughter doesn't have her own phone, she doesn't have her own laptop to take to school the computer she does use isn't hers. So no, I don't need to check everything she is carrying when she gets home.
As far as privacy laws go, I don't need the government telling me what I can/can't do to protect my own children. I am perfectly capable of making those decisions myself.
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Hmmmm I've been watching this thread with interest and feel it's time for my small input.
Elfie I think the keylogger may be a bit much. You're hearts in the right place for trying to protect your daughter but maybe there's a more trusting way to go about it. From what I know there'd be 3 ways sexual predators would try and talk to girls. One would be online chat rooms and games. These aren't very difficult to notice and easy to check. The second would be facebook/myspace and even those have various privacy features and the ability to not accept people as friends. The 3rd would be msn or similar chat service again education would seem better than ironfist keylogging. As a teenager I think she's entitled to at least a bit of privacy to talk about stuff with her friends. A question for you. If she was talking to her friends about sex over something like msn and you caught it with the keylogger would you
A. Read it all and ask her why she's talking about it with her friends instead of her family
B. Read it and if it's harmless allow her to continue to do it but keep checking the keylogger.
C. Read it see that she's talking about sex with her friend (you could check if it was her friend) and allow her to do it with checking.
Just a question. There are nicer ways to enforce the same principles than with an ironfist. They still get the job done and your daughter would be more understanding.
I understand that I don't know or you daughter. This is just based on what I've read.
Kind regards FBClaw
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I run a keylogger, I know every keystroke my 14 yr old daughter makes on the computer. I know every single website she goes to. I know who she emails.
I use this one: (except I paid for the more comprehensive version)
http://www.download.com/Free-KGB-Key-Logger/3000-2162_4-10357898.html
I busted her one time after she had googled for *naked boys*. She tried to deny it until I showed her the evidence, date...time.....screen shot....
She knows I use some sort of software to keep track of her activities but has no idea what it is or how to access it. We haven't had a single problem since. :)
:lol, Curious are we? girls will be girls boys will be boys...
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But when they get into college, away from their parents they go wild. It overwhelms them because it is not a situation they have ever had to handle due to their parents not letting the situation even exist.
This is a huge point.
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There is no need for all of this silliness. Many here obviously don't trust their own parenting skills. I don't monitor or block anything. My kids are free to watch and listen to whatever they want. If you instill the correct morals and values in your kids you don't need to.
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An internet nanny will not keep the sexual predators away from her.
Yes, I'm very well aware of the sickos out there, but don't you think you're over-reacting a smidge? Imho (not to sound rude, because I obviously don't know you or your daughter, and either of your mental/emotional states...), a key logger is 1) VERY easy to get around (access program files, boot from a disc, partition etc... etc..., which you may say "she doesn't know", but if a friend were to have come up to me and said, "Somehow, my dad knows what I type, when I type, where I type, and can get a SS, I'd say, "Keylogger, do this to get around it"...) and 2) a blatant disregaurd of privacy... There's keeping her safe, then there's keeping her under lock and key... the 2nd being the worst of the two... if you keep her blocked from society with complete monitoring, when she moves out, it's a whole new world... I'm following most of Europe on this one...
It's better to educate them when you're around to help rather than restrict it, tell them no, then watch it explode in their/your face...
Best of luck to you sir, and I hope you don't find my post to be rude or insensitive... <S>
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Yes, I'm very well aware of the sickos out there, but don't you think you're over-reacting a smidge? Imho (not to sound rude, because I obviously don't know you or your daughter, and either of your mental/emotional states...), a key logger is 1) VERY easy to get around (access program files, boot from a disc, partition etc... etc..., which you may say "she doesn't know", but if a friend were to have come up to me and said, "Somehow, my dad knows what I type, when I type, where I type, and can get a SS, I'd say, "Keylogger, do this to get around it"...) and 2) a blatant disregaurd of privacy... There's keeping her safe, then there's keeping her under lock and key... the 2nd being the worst of the two... if you keep her blocked from society with complete monitoring, when she moves out, it's a whole new world... I'm following most of Europe on this one...
It's better to educate them when you're around to help rather than restrict it, tell them no, then watch it explode in their/your face...
Best of luck to you sir, and I hope you don't find my post to be rude or insensitive... <S>
She doesn't know how to do those things. Even if she did, the computer she does use sits right next to mine and so she can't boot it with a boot disk w/o me seeing. :)
She also can't access the keylogger because it runs in hidden mode and only I know the key combination and password to open it.
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Kids always find a way to beat the parents rules. It's the big red button that says 'Dont Push', kids have to push it. Give kids complete freedom, and punish them for their actions rather than punishing them before a fair trial. Thats just my opinion, I'm not even a father myself, so it's worth nothing but there it is.
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Hmmmm I've been watching this thread with interest and feel it's time for my small input.
Elfie I think the keylogger may be a bit much. You're hearts in the right place for trying to protect your daughter but maybe there's a more trusting way to go about it. From what I know there'd be 3 ways sexual predators would try and talk to girls. One would be online chat rooms and games. These aren't very difficult to notice and easy to check. The second would be facebook/myspace and even those have various privacy features and the ability to not accept people as friends. The 3rd would be msn or similar chat service again education would seem better than ironfist keylogging. As a teenager I think she's entitled to at least a bit of privacy to talk about stuff with her friends. A question for you. If she was talking to her friends about sex over something like msn and you caught it with the keylogger would you
A. Read it all and ask her why she's talking about it with her friends instead of her family
B. Read it and if it's harmless allow her to continue to do it but keep checking the keylogger.
C. Read it see that she's talking about sex with her friend (you could check if it was her friend) and allow her to do it with checking.
Just a question. There are nicer ways to enforce the same principles than with an ironfist. They still get the job done and your daughter would be more understanding.
I understand that I don't know or you daughter. This is just based on what I've read.
Kind regards FBClaw
I don't read every word she types. I do check her email to see who she is emailing and who is emailing her. I don't read the contents of the emails to/from her friends. I do check her internet history to see where she has been.
There was an instance in an online game where an individual was involved with sexual innuendo with my daughter. This happened a couple years ago. I would not have known if not for the keylogger. I saw the screen shots and someone new was talking to her. I don't recall exact words but they were not appropriate for a 12 year old. In this case, I talked not only to my daughter but I also contacted the game company and sent them log files and screen shots from the keylogger. (I did that after I contacted the individual in the game and informed him that he was talking to a 12 year old girl. He didn't seem to care how young she was.) I also had yet another talk with my daughter about strangers and this kind of behavior.
It's a process but we are working at it. Hopefully she doesn't end up as an adult as dingy as her mother. :uhoh
For now, the keylogger is still necessary. My family has just started communicating via Facebook recently and my wife and I are thinking about allowing her a Facebook account soon and let her start off with people we all trust.
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My daughter doesn't have her own phone, she doesn't have her own laptop to take to school the computer she does use isn't hers. So no, I don't need to check everything she is carrying when she gets home.
As far as privacy laws go, I don't need the government telling me what I can/can't do to protect my own children. I am perfectly capable of making those decisions myself.
Lol I was sure this revelation would come next. So either youre Amish or you've totally gimped your child to live in the early 90's. Doesn't she get ridiculed over this? I'm sure 99% of her friends have their own camera phones, personal computers, handheld devices etc.
Oh, and privacy..
I for one feel much better knowing my kid has his phone when he goes out so he can call for help if something happens.
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There is no need for all of this silliness. Many here obviously don't trust their own parenting skills. I don't monitor or block anything. My kids are free to watch and listen to whatever they want. If you instill the correct morals and values in your kids you don't need to.
Except when they live with another parent most of the time, whose morals are of less than sterling quality.
Ready?........
Ex Wife: "Your honor, I believe that Mr. Messa's visitation rights should be revoked because the children have been coming home and telling me about the disgusting filth that their father allows them to view on teh internetz"
Judge X: "Why, that's deplorable! I agree Ms. Messa."
So.... Who is the first one here to volunteer to pay my attorney fees?
For me, personally, it's not do much the pron as it is the wack jobs out there. I totally understand being curious about sex. It is undeniable human nature and I'm not saying it should be suppressed. In, addition, teaching them the right things NOW is definitely the way to go, and as soon as I see that they are capable of making the right choices, freedoms will be granted. Until then, the keylogger stays.
As far as them getting around my security? Won't happen. At 8 and 10 years old, I know EVERY move they make.
My childrens' freedom of choice and autonomy is a privilege to be earned, not a right that they are born with. If that wasn't the case, why dont we let them drive an automobile as soon as they can see over the steering wheel?
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Lol I was sure this revelation would come next. So either youre Amish or you've totally gimped your child to live in the early 90's. Doesn't she get ridiculed over this? I'm sure 99% of her friends have their own camera phones, personal computers, handheld devices etc.
Oh, and privacy..
I for one feel much better knowing my kid has his phone when he goes out so he can call for help if something happens.
It is not my responsibility to make sure that my kids are popular. I'm not their friend. I am their parent. We will have plenty of time to be friends when they are all grown up, and have their own families.
The only way I am going to "gimp" my kids is to buy for, or let them do, whatever they want. If we are going to keep up the premise of it helping them grow up in the real world, then nothing will work better than the above. In fact, it will prepare them better than me just opening my wallet at their every whim, because nothing in life is free. The faster they learn this concept, the better prepared they will be.
I feel just as safe that I have an 800 number for my business that my kids can call from anywhere, anytime. It wont get lost or stolen, and the batteries will never need a charge.
You want a phone? Get a job. You want a car? Same answer. You want privacy? Prove to me that you are mature enough to handle the responsibility.
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No offence intended Elfie, most people in Britain consider under-age sexual activity and mild pornography to be alot less harmfulll than firearms. I think most people are forgetting that a few hundred years ago girls would be married off and probably pregnant by the age of 14.
As to your parenting skills? Thats up to you sir, I'm not commenting on that at all, just the fact that you say I could be arrested for letting my kids look at some boobs.
If 12/13 year old children having children is a product of this philosophy, then maybe it should be reconsidered. Please don't make me reference the current event story of which I am referring to, it's late here, and I'm sure you know what I am talking about.
And, BTW, you guys drive on the wrong damn side if the road :D
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There was an instance in an online game where an individual was involved with sexual innuendo with my daughter. This happened a couple years ago. I would not have known if not for the keylogger. I saw the screen shots and someone new was talking to her. I don't recall exact words but they were not appropriate for a 12 year old. In this case, I talked not only to my daughter but I also contacted the game company and sent them log files and screen shots from the keylogger. (I did that after I contacted the individual in the game and informed him that he was talking to a 12 year old girl. He didn't seem to care how young she was.) I also had yet another talk with my daughter about strangers and this kind of behavior.
I believe I just found a rough description of AH CH200 and range vox. Usually (but not always) lacking the sexual aspect. Better call the Party Van...
(I'd link it on Encyclopedia Dramatica, but they've got a huge inappropriate picture up on the page now. :lol)
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I feel just as safe that I have an 800 number for my business that my kids can call from anywhere, anytime. It wont get lost or stolen, and the batteries will never need a charge.
You want a phone? Get a job. You want a car? Same answer. You want privacy? Prove to me that you are mature enough to handle the responsibility.
I'm under the impression Elfie doesn't allow her to have a phone 'for her own good'. What is that 800 number going to do for your kid if he/she is running away from or hiding from a predator or other kids harassing them? They'd be pretty lucky to get attacked in a phone booth - which don't even exist anymore.
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Well I will console myself with the fact that, once they are old enough to be left out of my sight and roam the world freely, they will be old enough to be worried about having a cell phone.(and a tazer) :devil
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I used to date a girl in school whose father would take the door to her bedroom off the hinge when she had company (a.k.a. boys) until she was 18. He also showed me two of his possessions when I first met him. One was a Colt .45, the other a shovel :D Extreme? Probably.. Effective? Very.
One girl I dated back in high school had a very protective father. Former Green Beret from Vietnam (2 tours, MACVSOG) and police officer in the homicide unit. She was 15, I was 16, and I was her first boyfriend. She had a 4.6 GPA (on a 4.0 scale. 2nd highest in the school) and her life was family, Church, and school in that order (until I showed up of course).
On our very first date I was invited into the kitchen and was sat down at the kitchen table where her father had every single gun he owned laid out and he was "cleaning" them (shotguns, pistols, AR-15, etc). It was a not so subtle hint to me on how what might happen if I treated his daughter poorly.
Towards the end of the interview he picked up a Colt 1911. The slide was off, and looking down the barrel he pointed it in my general direction and asked "have you ever looked down the barrel of a .45 before son?". Followed immediately by, "What time are you bringing home my little girl tonight".
Her curfew was 11pm, and I of course told him, "10 pm sir". That apparently was the correct response.
I will not go into any further details about what it was like dating a young lady brought up in a strict household as it would probably give a few people in this thread nightmares.
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There is no need for all of this silliness. Many here obviously don't trust their own parenting skills. I don't monitor or block anything. My kids are free to watch and listen to whatever they want. If you instill the correct morals and values in your kids you don't need to.
This is what my parents do, I hope I can be some sort of example that it works.
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If 12/13 year old children having children is a product of this philosophy, then maybe it should be reconsidered. Please don't make me reference the current event story of which I am referring to, it's late here, and I'm sure you know what I am talking about.
And, BTW, you guys drive on the wrong damn side if the road :D
Show me the parent who would rather thier daughter was shot and killed by a firearm than made pregnant at a young age.
;)
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If I teach my daughter how to properly use a firearm, the pregnancy point becomes moot. :D
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touche!
:rofl
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If I teach my daughter how to properly use a firearm, the pregnancy point becomes moot. :D
She doesn't need to be taught that if you follow her every step..
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I guess it's too late since she already knows :)
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My kid's 30....so I don't care what he does.
shamus
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Lol I was sure this revelation would come next. So either youre Amish or you've totally gimped your child to live in the early 90's. Doesn't she get ridiculed over this? I'm sure 99% of her friends have their own camera phones, personal computers, handheld devices etc.
Oh, and privacy..
I for one feel much better knowing my kid has his phone when he goes out so he can call for help if something happens.
I am not Amish. She doesn't use the land line to call friends so why would I pay for the added expense of a cell phone? We have 2 computers in this home and that's what we can afford. If YOU think she needs her own private computer, then you buy it. I will gladly PM you shipping information.
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It is not my responsibility to make sure that my kids are popular. I'm not their friend. I am their parent. We will have plenty of time to be friends when they are all grown up, and have their own families.
The only way I am going to "gimp" my kids is to buy for, or let them do, whatever they want. If we are going to keep up the premise of it helping them grow up in the real world, then nothing will work better than the above. In fact, it will prepare them better than me just opening my wallet at their every whim, because nothing in life is free. The faster they learn this concept, the better prepared they will be.
I feel just as safe that I have an 800 number for my business that my kids can call from anywhere, anytime. It wont get lost or stolen, and the batteries will never need a charge.
You want a phone? Get a job. You want a car? Same answer. You want privacy? Prove to me that you are mature enough to handle the responsibility.
Well said. :)
My daughter asked for a cell phone, I told her to get a job to pay for it. And if she actually used the land line, she might have a reason to have a cell phone. Right now the only reason for her to have a cell phone is so she can be like the other kids. Which is no reason at all.
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I for one feel much better knowing my kid has his phone when he goes out so he can call for help if something happens.
My daughter will be in her schools marching band this next fall. Practice starts this summer. She will be riding her bicycle to/from practice and my wife and I are talking about getting a cell phone for her to carry with her to band practice. It will not be her phone however, it will be ours and she will be entrusted with its care several times per week if we go this route. (It's looking like we will.)
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I am not Amish. She doesn't use the land line to call friends so why would I pay for the added expense of a cell phone? We have 2 computers in this home and that's what we can afford. If YOU think she needs her own private computer, then you buy it. I will gladly PM you shipping information.
When I was her age I already had earned for my second computer and mind you computers costed a lot in the late 80's. And she already has a computer so this is not an issue, the lack of privacy is. Essentially you're depriving her of her basic human right with your protectiveness. Road to hell is paved with good intentions I guess..
And the cell phone issue, aren't you worried sending her out to the world with no means to call for help? What if she goes out jogging and strains her knee bad enough to not walk in the middle of the forest? What if she goes out driving with a friend and they run out of gas or get a breakdown in middle of nowhere?
I feel a heck of a lot more confident sending my kid out to friends if he's carrying his cell phone. In fact I demand him to keep it with him every time he leaves home.
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"What if she goes out driving with a friend and they run out of gas or get a breakdown in middle of nowhere?"
see...when i'm in the middle of nowhere, i'm in the middle of nowhere. there's no cell coverage. if i'm where there's cell coverage, the road is busy enough that eventually someone will stop and give me a hand.
"What if she goes out jogging and strains her knee bad enough to not walk in the middle of the forest? "
then she figures something out hobbles home, lord knows i've had to do that a couple times.
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^ I'm sure that there are other examples here where having a phone would be advantageous.
If I had a child I'd be with MrRipley on the phone issue. They wouldn't be leaving the house without it.
Not only that, they'd be using it to keep me posted at all times.
Should they not answer it when I called them there would be hell to pay.
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While I am not as harshly adamant as elfie on this particular subject, I do however agree that there is no need for a child (non-driving age) to have a cell phone. My wife and I give my daughter our cell phone to take with her when she goes to her friends house alone. She then can call the house phone as often as she needs. I am 100% with the idea that she can have a cell phone when she can earn the money herself to pay for it.
I do agree with others here that she does and is going to need a way to call for help. Keep in mind things are not as safe as they used to be. I would not want my daughter going up to knock on someone's door to ask for help anymore unless I knew them. Which is what we used to have to do when I was growing up. There are some real crazies out there and they are much more frequent than they used to be.
As far as the privacy thing goes, the only privacy a 14 year old needs and has a right to is to be able to get herself dressed behind closed doors. Pretty much everything else is open for inspection. A 14 year old is still pretty naive and yes does need protecting. As far as I am concerned that "right" is not given to you until you at least reach the age of 17 or when I feel that they are ready to take on the responsibility for themselves.
As someone else here stated I think, every situation is different, every child is different and every set of circumstances is different. The thing is to do what you think is best for your particular situation and what you think is in the best interest of your children and it sounds as though with children here are doing just that.
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For now, the keylogger is still necessary. My family has just started communicating via Facebook recently and my wife and I are thinking about allowing her a Facebook account soon and let her start off with people we all trust.
Over half of non reported sexual contact on minor children is from friends and family members that the "parents" trust. I have 5 kids total, 3 older boys out of the house and a 9 year old girl and 11 year old boy. All of our kids were not monitored nor do we plan on monitoring then so to speak. We believe in allowing our children experience life both good and bad sides. As a parent, we all want and hope for the best for our kids, but keeping them sheltered from from what actually out there in the real world creates a "sheltered" naive person. The term "Street Smarts" comes one way... experience, seeing and learning from your experiences in life. IMHO overprotecting your child when young does not allow them to learn to make decisions on their own, be them good or bad. we all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. If not we (my wife and I) feel they will look for someone to tell them its ok rather then make a decision on their own (hopefully the right one). Our kids have full access to the internet and have their own email accounts. No Facebook or MySpace accounts, not that we said no, they have not requested if they can have one yet. Cell phones are for when they hit middle school (next year for our youngest son).
My youngest son came to me last night asking making a few statements. He has always been in the "popular crowd" until the past few months, he has shied away from some of his friends on his own, reason being is that one of the other kids "popular crowd" has been using what he called foul language. He said dad most everyone uses foul language sometime but "kids name" uses the "F" word twice in almost every sentence. I asked about several of his friends and he said yea they flock around "kids name" and I don't want to have to hear that. Point I am trying to make here is that Sam has learned whats right and whats wrong and had made both good and bad decisions in his short life, but they were his decisions, some with our glee some with our disappointment (and his loss of WII, Bike, having friends over for a few days etc) he has learned whats right and whats not with our guidance, reassurance and trust not suspicion and distrust.
As parents we all have to do what we feel is right for raising our children, we feel our kids are on the right path with our guidance and trust in them to make the right decisions and when they are at odds with something they know without recourse we can be spoke to about anything.
TD
Rich
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Seems to me that 3/4 of the world's population wouldn't know whether to take a crap or go blind if cell phone service became non-existent.
Are some folks THAT hamstrung by technology, that they couldn't survive without it?
I take one day/week (usually Sunday) and shut them damn thing off.
How quickly we forget what it was like to be young.
I never had a cell phone till I was almost 23.
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I never had a cell phone till I was almost 23.
that is because they were not economical until then messa. you old man. :D
I never had a cell phone until I was 28 which was about 7 years ago. well that is not 100% accurate I had a cellular phone when I was 20 but it was back when you had to have it installed in your car or you had to carry that car battery around with you in the bag. Not very practical and I ony had it a few months, too expensive.
as far as the Amish comments though, I do think if some spent more time instilling more Amish values and morals into their children things would be a little different.
work for what you want
dates take place on the porch on a swing
evenings are for family time
a large portion of my family is Amish and any time you want to know what Amish is you let me know
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I guess the point is that WE all survived. Technology is great, but it will never replace common sense.
and BTW.....
That was a BAG phone, not a cell phone ;)
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I guess the point is that WE all survived. Technology is great, but it will never replace common sense.
and BTW.....
That was a BAG phone, not a cell phone ;)
yes they called it a bag phone but one of the companies that had them was "Cellular One" which is the reason I used cellular and not "cell" in my statement. My auto-intalled phone had no bag :(
Your right we did survive but with the higher odds of my daughter running into a nut case I think I would prefer for her to have my cell when she is going to her friends house instead of knocking on some stranger's door. Let's face it things are not as safe out there now as they were when we were growing up Messa. Every parent who had something happen to their child thinks back trying to figure out how they could have avoided loosing their young one and I won't have mine being that I could have given them a way to contact me without knocking on that nut jobs door asking for help. Especially when I can give her my phone to call home with.
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When I was her age I already had earned for my second computer and mind you computers costed a lot in the late 80's. And she already has a computer so this is not an issue, the lack of privacy is. Essentially you're depriving her of her basic human right with your protectiveness. Road to hell is paved with good intentions I guess..
And the cell phone issue, aren't you worried sending her out to the world with no means to call for help? What if she goes out jogging and strains her knee bad enough to not walk in the middle of the forest? What if she goes out driving with a friend and they run out of gas or get a breakdown in middle of nowhere?
I feel a heck of a lot more confident sending my kid out to friends if he's carrying his cell phone. In fact I demand him to keep it with him every time he leaves home.
LOL @ *basic human right*.
You just don't get it. This kid doesn't go places on her own, never has. She just doesn't have to desire to do so. She's not going out driving with friends because her and her friends are not old enough to drive. She won't end up out in the middle of a forest or out in the middle of nowhere because we live in a city of 1.5 million people.
We still have pay phones here and they are not hard to find.
She does not have her own computer, we have 2 computers that are *community use* for the entire family.
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Over half of non reported sexual contact on minor children is from friends and family members that the "parents" trust
If it's not reported.......how does anyone know how much sexual contact with minors in happening let alone who is doing the contacting? Seems to me, if its not reported, then no one can do anything more than give guesstimates.
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LOL @ *basic human right*.
You just don't get it. This kid doesn't go places on her own, never has. She just doesn't have to desire to do so. She's not going out driving with friends because her and her friends are not old enough to drive. She won't end up out in the middle of a forest or out in the middle of nowhere because we live in a city of 1.5 million people.
We still have pay phones here and they are not hard to find.
She does not have her own computer, we have 2 computers that are *community use* for the entire family.
Umm so you don't think every human being is entitled to privacy? Interesting.
She doesn't go places on her own, she's gullible and naive. All at the age of 14. You should think what happens when she goes to college and attends the first party.
Now next you're going to tell me you're planning to homeschool her untill she turns 21. :devil
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I just don't consider privacy a basic human right for children. You can think what you want.
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I just don't consider privacy a basic human right for children. You can think what you want.
Whoa.. You know I was making bus trips from city to city alone at the age of 6 and you don't trust her at the age of 14? The day that you lose grips on her will be devastating for you both.
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You still don't get it. It isn't my job to trust her. It isn't my job to be her friend. It's my job to be her father. It's my job to teach her. It's my job to watch out for her and guide her as she grows up. If I don't do it....who will? No one will because it isn't anyone elses job.
I could care less how you deal with your kids because I am not responsible for how your kids turn out. I am responsible for how my kids turn out and I take that responsibility very seriously.
There were a couple kids here who's parents didn't check up on them to make sure they were doing things right and not getting themselves into trouble. These kids made bombs in their parents garages and basements. These kids went to a school called Columbine and went on a killing spree before committing suicide. Those kids parents could have prevented all that mayhem simply by checking up on their internet activity (the kids had a website that gave clues to what was going on), they could have (and should have) checked their own homes and stopped the bombs being built. They could have found the guns and ammo in their homes before these kids committed their heinous acts of violence. If the parents had just monitored their childrens activities they would have seen what was going on, only then could that terrible tragedy have been prevented.
My kids aren't going to be like those kids who's parents gave them free rein to do whatever. I refuse to be the parent that doesn't keep watch over his children.
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I'm not there so I can't say anything for sure, but the main point I think, is that you sound like you're teaching her to rely on you rather than herself. You're teaching her to have someone protect her instead of helping her be self-sufficient.
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You know I was making bus trips from city to city alone at the age of 6
(http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg18/Shooter912/nowaysign.gif)
I'm betting someone took you to the bus station and made sure you got on the correct bus at the correct time, then someone picked you up at your destination. I'd also bet that someone on the bus, the driver or perhaps an attendant, was in charge of watching you while you were on the bus and made sure you got off the bus at the correct stop and made sure someone was there to pick you up.
No 6 year old is going to do all of that completely on his own, sorry....you aren't fooling anyone with that line.
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I'm not there so I can't say anything for sure, but the main point I think, is that you sound like you're teaching her to rely on you rather than herself. You're teaching her to have someone protect her instead of helping her be self-sufficient.
It's a daily chore to get her to make even small decisions for herself, or to rely on her own skills. She does have them but it's worse than pulling teeth to get her to use them. heh
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(http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg18/Shooter912/nowaysign.gif)
I'm betting someone took you to the bus station and made sure you got on the correct bus at the correct time, then someone picked you up at your destination. I'd also bet that someone on the bus, the driver or perhaps an attendant, was in charge of watching you while you were on the bus and made sure you got off the bus at the correct stop and made sure someone was there to pick you up.
No 6 year old is going to do all of that completely on his own, sorry....you aren't fooling anyone with that line.
Sure I was taken to the bus and someone came to pick me up. But hey I was 6, all sorts of stuff could happen at any bus stop including leaving on the wrong stop. From the sound of it your kid is not allowed to do this at 14.
You can raise your kids any way you like but IMO you should think about your own words 'gullible and naive'. A girl at 14 should not have those characteristics anymore or she's an exploit waiting to happen. You can't hold her much longer anymore. Two years max.
When I was young the kids who had restrictive parents did all the worst stunts behind their backs whenever they got the chance. One of the raunchiest was the girl of the police chief. She got more balls slammed at her than a bowling alley figuratively speaking. At home everything was tight and neat.. :)
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^ I'm sure that there are other examples here where having a phone would be advantageous.
If I had a child I'd be with MrRipley on the phone issue. They wouldn't be leaving the house without it.
Not only that, they'd be using it to keep me posted at all times.
Should they not answer it when I called them there would be hell to pay.
the point is, a kid should be able to get out of situations without getting bailed out by their parents. and by properly informing the parents of where they are going, how they are getting there and how long it is expected to take, the parents can still bail the kid out if necessary. depends where you live of course. there are situations where a cell phone is a nice to have, most of those are foreseeable and have a decent chance of happening...no reason why the kid can't be allowed to borrow a cell phone for that.
as for the rest of that...somehow i managed to do exactly that without ever touching a cell phone.
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It's a daily chore to get her to make even small decisions for herself, or to rely on her own skills. She does have them but it's worse than pulling teeth to get her to use them. heh
That's what I meant.. That right there is closer to the real cause of the problems than any keylogging "safety". The same way you'd want a gun because cops are only there after the fact, you want your daughter on the fast track to autonomy. Like I said though, this is just truisms because I'm not there in person like you are. It is my opinion from what I've read and from a lot of first-hand experience of both great and terrible parenting, though.
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You can raise your kids any way you like but IMO you should think about your own words 'gullible and naive'. A girl at 14 should not have those characteristics anymore or she's an exploit waiting to happen.
Gullible and naive have nothing to do with age. It's a state of mind that many adults can't seem to get past, let alone a 14 yr old girl. If there were no gullible and naive adults scammers wouldn't make millions by sending out all those junk emails that we like to laugh at here. You know, like those ones coming from Nigeria where the sender claims you have some long lost rich relative that just bought the farm and for a few hundred dollars they can make all the arrangements to get you your money. Gullible and Naive adults fall for those types of scams every day.
The fact that my daughter is gullible and naive just means that my wife and I have to work harder at watching over her and educating her so that hopefully later in life she doesn't end up being one of those morons that actually replies to an email like the one I just described.
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That's what I meant.. That right there is closer to the real cause of the problems than any keylogging "safety". The same way you'd want a gun because cops are only there after the fact, you want your daughter on the fast track to autonomy. Like I said though, this is just truisms because I'm not there in person like you are. It is my opinion from what I've read and from a lot of first-hand experience of both great and terrible parenting, though.
Make no mistake, we make her make decisions. Sometimes it takes her forever to do it though.
One decision I let both daughters make is what to have for dinner. The 5 yr old gets all excited and runs out and finds something she wants. The 14 yr old just sits there and looks at me and says something like.....I don't care what we have. I have to make her get up and go look at what we have and make a choice. It's like that with nearly all the decisions we try to get her to make, it's like we are dragging her kicking and screaming towards adult hood. It's getting better....slowly. (That's just one example of decisions we try to get her to make.)
Each child is so different, each one presents a unique set of challenges. Take my son for instance, he always wanted to make his own decisions and when he was 14 he thought he should be out in an apartment on his own making his own rules......he couldn't even legally sign a lease at 14 or work enough hours to pay the rent, utilities and buy food.
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Those are specifics.. I can't even comment on them without knowing the full context. Anything short of that is going to be inaccurate.. I'm just arguing a general strategy :)
Good luck. Don't underestimate what a kid can do or what he/she can overcome with proper motivation.
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No matter how you try to estimate them, they will always do something to surprise you. :lol
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No matter how you try to estimate them, they will always do something to surprise you. :lol
Yea, kids are like inmate. They find ways around the system in getting drugs, make shift weapons and so on. Kids will find ways around parents in doing something they shouldn't be doing.
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You are clueless.
No. Im experienced.
I helped raise my sister from the time she was 6 because my father wasnt around and my mother had to work.
I've been pretty involved in several of my friends kids lives over the years. To the point where a few of them refer to me as their "other father"
Not to mention my nieces and nephews.
and you wont find 1 of them that will say I was easy or overly permissive of them.
Then I have successfully raised my son who is about to turn 21. And am currently working on my daughter who is 12.
At this point I've learned which battles are worth fighting. and which arent.
I've monitored my sons activities and still monitor my daughters. Easy enough to do even without a key logger.
I just havent always said anything.
I'm clueless yet you havent seemed to notice I wasnt overly critical of you in my post except to say that you busted her for acting like a normal 14 year old.
I did happen to mention that it was "your kid, your call"
I merely pointed out that by making a huge deal over it. you will probobly only serve to drive the activity underground.
But then again. out of sight. Out of mind right?
I may be clueless.
But you are delusional.
But I already knew that