Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: rabbidrabbit on May 26, 2009, 03:18:40 PM
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http://textsfromlastnight.com/ (http://textsfromlastnight.com/)
Some gems..
(315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
(607): what a beautiful fairy tale
(416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
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forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
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Thank you for the new signature.
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:rofl
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(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.
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(518): Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
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(518): Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
:rofl
(734): What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
(813): ha- omfg whatt the diddly is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
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(626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
(1-626): You have mice?
(626): no why?
There is now beer all over my monitor....
:rofl
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(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
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some real gems on that site wabbit. thx :D
(281): Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
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(254): I am coming home for anal
(254): *a nap*
:rofl
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(254): I am coming home for anal
(254): *a nap*
:rofl
:huh I wonder if that was a Freudian slip? Or would that be a Freudian typo? That is just too funny. :rofl
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(504): He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
(832): I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
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Another great line....one that I should have learned at 19 when a stiff wind blew at school while watching the "hot girls"...
(203): Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
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Some that I thought were funny:
(803): im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
(847): i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
(870): Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
For the past Star Trek thread
(703): His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
(513): he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
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(352): I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
(904): You stay classy.
(352): The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
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(770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie
(708): Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
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(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.
(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
(910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
(910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
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(248) Lets look hot, and dance like hos.
Who tould you I do this? :uhoh Crazy on the dance floor. ;)
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I have a new motto when I got out drinking-
(816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
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I have a new motto when I got out drinking-
(816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That is a good one :D
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I have a new motto when I got out drinking-
(816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When I saw that one on the site I laughed so hard my sides starting hurting because it reminds me of my cousin :rofl
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Sax or Anax has been contributing to the site, apparently.
(540): what do you have against ST
(1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
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(703): His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
:aok
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(212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
(216): Where the diddly is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy toejam r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
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:rofl
I friggin love this site
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(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
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Those are funny. :lol
*edit* and now I'm thankful none of my children have their 'own' cell phones for personal use.
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http://textsfromlastnight.com/ (http://textsfromlastnight.com/)
Some gems..
(315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
(607): what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, that my area code and the Albany area. :rock
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So... I bit and went to that site... LAUGHED MY A** off.
Hilarious, absolutely hilarious!!
4XTCH
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(610): yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
(215): what does that even mean?
(610): you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Best exchange I ever had-
ANDY- Dude, why are my pants in the freezer?
ME- Quit bragging, I cant find mine anywhere.
ANDY- What color are they?
ME- Blue, I think, why?
ANDY- Because there's also a pair in the fridge.
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(770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
:lol
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(310): tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
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(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
(310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
(616): i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
(440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
(216): ... about that ...
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"You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat."
(646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
(203): I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
"how the diddly am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard"
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(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
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(201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
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(508): just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
griefer
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(510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
(702): Are you high?
(510): No. That's why it's odd
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And the AcesHigh text of the year goes to....
(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a diddlying bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
:rofl :rofl :rofl
4XTCH
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And the AcesHigh text of the year goes to....
(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a twittleing bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought the same thing... hahha :D
:rofl :rofl :rofl
4XTCH
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(417): I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
(617): Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
(717): How was your Memorial Day?
(1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
(337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
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(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
(715): Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
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:rofl
(716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
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(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
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(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This Video has a few minor bad words and is loud
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNPxIibhcKY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNPxIibhcKY)
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(570): Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
(603): I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
(513): i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
(616): Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
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(306): and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
(858): that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
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(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sounds like my neighbor. :D When your driving a lawnmower to the store. whats another year right. :rofl
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(208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
:rofl
(734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
(310): Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
(301): is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
(904): What are you doing tonight?
(847): Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
(720): o feces let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
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(734): Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
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(717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
(954): i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
(425): hahaha how?
(954): its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
(734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
(1-734): toejamtttttt.
(734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
(626): What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
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(773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys
(330): I just had to have my mom look at my noodle to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
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(402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
(1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
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(260): Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
(818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
(661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
(831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
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(850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
(407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
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(847): dude, osama threatened the US again
(1-847): dude. i slept with your sister last night
(847): what?
(1-847) I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
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(425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
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(540): what do you have against ST
(1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
:rofl(402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
(1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
:rofl :rofl
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(614): You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
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(+61): yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
(314): I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
(1-314): How did that happen by accident?
(314): I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
:rofl
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(936): Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
(216): Where the f is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy toejame r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
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some real gems on that site wabbit. thx :D
(281): Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
:uhoh
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(631): k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads noodle. Lucky? I think not.
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(703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
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(540): My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
(901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
(601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
(901): ...are you coming on to me?
(408): i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
(540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
(803): youve hit the jackpot
(905): Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
(1-905): i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
(301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
(330): i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
(703): I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
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(305): i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
(775): i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd slap her for sure
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(705): I think taking a nice dump is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
(978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
(804): the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
(1-804): i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
(318): dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
(1-318): what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
(203): I think my fart just growled at me.
(678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
(509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
(314): dude did u upper deck my toilet?
(1-314): haha like two months ago
(314): i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
(817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
(1-817): You weighed it?
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(315): I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
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415) I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
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(734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hahaha
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!
Oi, oi, oi!
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Very proud of my local guys!!!
(714): Ikea night.
(949): ?
(714): Insert tab A into swedish slot B
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Very proud of my local guys!!!
(714): Ikea night.
(949): ?
(714): Insert tab A into swedish slot B
:rofl :rofl
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(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
(1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started squeakin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
(917): Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
(914): That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
(732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
(603): Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
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(248): I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
(910): In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
(620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
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(620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There is no one left. I recently checked the history, and lo and behold, 4chan's *pic* section. :uhoh
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(563): his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
:lol
Piercing related carnage is always funny.
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(978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
(617): dude are you serious?
(978): I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hahaha! Classic!
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Hahaha! Classic!
:uhoh
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(313): i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
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(317)She Smelled Like Urine and We Ate Slow Roasted Goat In Silence
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(716): All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
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(843): happy early fathers day!!!
(829): im not a father
(843): about that...
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(281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
(404): Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
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(973): all we need is a web designer
(1-973): and a bunch of prostitutes
:rofl
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
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(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
:rofl
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OK I have read like 200 pages of these, but these finally got me
(502): WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and
(919): Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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(360): The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Replies (43) Good Night (1395) Bad Night (73) More from 360
(303): once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
(303): oh and he was serious.
Replies (26) Good Night (155) Bad Night (1443) More from 303
(202): if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
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Sorry for the bump but:
(619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
(716): do you not see the irony in that??
wrongway
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Sorry for the bump but:
(619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
(716): do you not see the irony in that??
wrongway
ROFL!!! :rofl