Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Oogly50 on August 25, 2009, 10:26:41 PM
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I'd like to just throw it out there now, I am smart enough to know that no matter what I say will be able to help the following person out of their depression, but I want to know how I can help them, and hopefully get them through this.
Alright, so I met this girl a few days ago. She seemed nice and cheerful. Not a care in the world. Then tonight, she tells me she hints at me that she is depressed... I figured "Hey, its a girl thing," and then shrugged it away. Then she told me what she's never told anyone else before. She's been depressed for a couple of years now, and has attempted suicide multiple times.
I've been trying to talk her through this, getting as much out of her as I can, and trying to offer up advice and what I think she should try and do, but I can't get through to her. She either doesn't care, or replies sarcastically and doesn't take me seriously.
I know I can't do much to help, but I'm trying anyway... and so now I come to people who could probably know more about this than me.
"you dont diddlying know the toejam i have been thorouh. diddlying getting abused til you were 11 because you weren't some guys biological kid. getting molested by someone you looked up too and thought you could trust and getting diddlying heart broken and moving 10 times in 2 years.
it diddlying sucks do dont tell me its going to be okay because its not.
never has been and never will be."
To which I replied:
I can't say it will be
because I honestly don't know
but you don't know it will be bad, nobody can predict the future
So then I told her that I really think she should seek help, possibly her mom, as she is the root to at least half of her problems, but this girl won't listen and refuses to talk to anyone or see anyone.
What should I do?
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She needs a good shrink. Not medicine, but someone to talk it out with.
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What should I do?
RUN
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Definitely professional help time...and a desire/reason to try...not gonna happen easily and you're gonna get hurt in the process.
Been there, done that, own the franchise.
RUN
Best advice here.
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As harsh as this may sound...
This girls is in need of help you are not capable of giving her. Give her a last push towards professional help, call the authorities if you think she's suicidal, but then walk away and stay away. There just are no other options with any chance of success for her or you.
asw
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What should I do?
As Cuba Gooding Jr told Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire...."don't shoplift the pootie!"
This chick may not be a single mom but the rule still applies here. She is not someone that I would be willing to have more than a friendship with until this other stuff gets worked out...even then it might never be something that I would personally do. Be a friend and try to help but DON'T SHOPLIFT THE POOTIE!
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But how can I get her some professional help if she refuses to take it. Her mom refuses to believe that she NEEDS help, thinking everything is just fine and dandy.
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But how can I get her some professional help if she refuses to take it. Her mom refuses to believe that she NEEDS help, thinking everything is just fine and dandy.
If you think she is in danger of hurting herself...make the call yourself...then
RUN
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But how can I get her some professional help if she refuses to take it. Her mom refuses to believe that she NEEDS help, thinking everything is just fine and dandy.
You can't tell people to go seek help. This is a tought situation that is hard to deal with. The best advices i would do is contact a theripist and ask them what you can do. They should know a simple "go tell her to seek help" will not work.
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I told her that I thought she needed help.
She told me that if I told anybody (that includes therapists) that she would stab herself.
Now what?
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Women and emotions..,Oogly...is she bipolar or does she have some type of disorder?
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Women and emotions..,Oogly...is she bipolar or does she have some type of disorder?
I guess you could call it severe depression.
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I told her that I thought she needed help.
She told me that if I told anybody (that includes therapists) that she would stab herself.
Now what?
Phone the police and tell them. If I were you I'd be on the phone to the police and reporting her suicide threat (just in case she is going sideways and this isn't just emotional blackmail) and then cutting any and all communication with her.
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Women and emotions..,Oogly...is she bipolar or does she have some type of disorder?
Spikes read his first post very carefully...it's not a physiological disorder... :eek:
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So, let's say I call the police and report a suicide threat. Will they get her help from there? That is all I want for her...
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So, let's say I call the police and report a suicide threat. Will they get her help from there? That is all I want for her...
No That will cause problems. call a therapist tomorrow and ask for there help on what you can do.
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Spikes read his first post very carefully...it's not a physiological disorder... :eek:
Well it could be a form of it, I read it but that was the only thing I can think of, maybe not so much.
Oogly I'd call a threapist tomorrow and don't mention names, just explain what the problem is, if they ask who, tell them you'd rather not say the name or something.
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Would the therapist tell me exactly what to do and say to get her out of depression?
Didn't think so...
You can't do that without a long time of therapy, and she won't accept that.
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Well it could be a form of it, I read it but that was the only thing I can think of, maybe not so much.
Oogly I'd call a threapist tomorrow and don't mention names, just explain what the problem is, if they ask who, tell them you'd rather not say the name or something.
+1
ask them how you can help her out to seek help. You don't know what is going on in her head. None of us don't know. Would the therapist tell me exactly what to do and say to get her out of depression?
Didn't think so...
You can't do that without a long time of therapy, and she won't accept that.
NO, you are not a therapist. S/he will tell you what you can do to get her to seek help.
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Would the therapist tell me exactly what to do and say to get her out of depression?
Didn't think so...
You can't do that without a long time of therapy, and she won't accept that.
What does she like to do? If you can get her happy enough to tell her that she needs to forget the past and look forward, then it could work. Otherwise as already stated "RUN".
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If I run, she won't get the help she needs.
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Oogly, you have no responsibility for this girl whatsoever unless you assume it. From what I've read that you've written there are only possible two scenarios: She is in need of serious, professional help; or she is trying to blackmail you emotionally. The former you're not equipped to deal with, and the latter is BS you don't need in you're life. If you think her life is actually in danger and you walk away doing nothing or try to intervene yourself and fail (a very likely situation if she is truly suicidal) you'll carry that with you the rest of your life. Phoning a therapist will do exactly nothing - last I heard they do not have the legal right to go pick someone up, only the police have that right.
If you don't think her life is actually in danger, just walk away and cut off all communication with her.
asw
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Oogly, you have no responsibility for this girl whatsoever unless you assume it. From what I've read that you've written there are only possible two scenarios: She is in need of serious, professional help; or she is trying to blackmail you emotionally. The former you're not equipped to deal with, and the latter is BS you don't need in you're life. If you think her life is actually in danger and you walk away doing nothing or try to intervene yourself and fail (a very likely situation if she is truly suicidal) you'll carry that with you the rest of your life. Phoning a therapist will do exactly nothing - last I heard they do not have the legal right to go pick someone up, only the police have that right.
If you don't think her life is actually in danger, just walk away and cut off all communication with her.
asw
Your contradicting yourself. (Idk if I spelled that right) You said she needs serious and professional help... Followed by "A therapist will do exactly nothing"
If a therapist can't help, who can?
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First off, I'm a bit shocked at the suggestions to just outright leaving. From what you're saying abandonment and loss of trust is a MAJOR source of what's happening. Just walking out is probably going to exacerbate the problem, especially if she's never confided in anyone before. At the very least make SOME effort to get her to professional help,
Since she told you she's never talked to anyone about this before she may be afraid of talking with a total stranger and that's one reason she refuses to seek professional help. Having a familiar face who she's already confided in at her side may make it more comfortable, even if not easy, and might be the difference.
Offer to go with her, sit through it with her. Telling someone to do something is easy and anyone can do that. It would be MUCH more meaningful and convincing a gesture if you actually participate. Not just driving her to the appointment, but actually sticking around, sitting next to her and being there for her. And IMO, if you really want to be with someone that is going through this, you HAVE to be prepared to be involved wherever necessary. Ultimately she has to take care of this herself, but that doesn't mean she needs to go through it alone. She's going to need support, and if you can get her there you can learn yourself exactly what that means, and what you need to do.
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Your contradicting yourself. (Idk if I spelled that right) You said she needs serious and professional help... Followed by "A therapist will do exactly nothing"
If a therapist can't help, who can?
You know, that Therapist will do nothing is just BS. They have Therapists and Therapy for a reason.
But he is right. If she is just playing you, leave... There's nothing worse than someone who thinks suicide or serious things are just a joke.
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First off, I'm a bit shocked at the suggestions to just outright leaving. From what you're saying abandonment and loss of trust is a MAJOR source of what's happening. Just walking out is probably going to exacerbate the problem, especially if she's never confided in anyone before. At the very least make SOME effort to get her to professional help,
Since she told you she's never talked to anyone about this before she may be afraid of talking with a total stranger and that's one reason she refuses to seek professional help. Having a familiar face who she's already confided in at her side may make it more comfortable, even if not easy, and might be the difference.
Offer to go with her, sit through it with her. Telling someone to do something is easy and anyone can do that. It would be MUCH more meaningful and convincing a gesture if you actually participate. Not just driving her to the appointment, but actually sticking around, sitting next to her and being there for her. And IMO, if you really want to be with someone that is going through this, you HAVE to be prepared to be involved wherever necessary. Ultimately she has to take care of this herself, but that doesn't mean she needs to go through it alone. She's going to need support, and if you can get her there you can learn yourself exactly what that means, and what you need to do.
That's what I was planning on doing. I want to help her and be there for her.
Keep in mind though, I am only 14, but I know she is not pulling my leg.
A few more things I should note: She's gotten into drinking, and it appears that there could be some bonding issues between her and her mom... Meaning, her mom blames everything on her. She's also been mollested by her Grandfather, but nobody else knows, and so she fears a therapist would tell her mom that, which would just destroy her.
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Oogly do as you please, but just for the record, you're taking that statement out of context. A therapist is where she should wind up but a therapist has no authority to go and arrest her to prevent a suicide attempt - the police can, but they may not. If you think she is in danger of doing herself in then do what you can to prevent that. If she is not in danger of doing herself then she is using your own emotions to blackmail you into giving her attention - if that's what floats your boat, then have at it and good luck.
I'm done here.
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x2. Run, while cruel, is actually good advice.
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That's what I was planning on doing. I want to help her and be there for her.
Keep in mind though, I am only 14, but I know she is not pulling my leg.
A few more things I should note: She's gotten into drinking, and it appears that there could be some bonding issues between her and her mom... Meaning, her mom blames everything on her. She's also been mollested by her Grandfather, but nobody else knows, and so she fears a therapist would tell her mom that, which would just destroy her.
Patient confidentiality would prevent a therapist from revealing that information. I think there's only a few extreme cases where they can legally violate it.
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Birds of a feather flock together
Are you an enabler? Does she see in you something that makes her want to confess something like that to you?
Get away if you think that you can help her, she needs professional help, and you will only make it worse. I believe when people say - run - they mean - you will be sucked into a black hole vortex of pain and misery if you think you can change her.
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If the mom won't recognize it, then you run, don't walk to the nearest school counselor and let them know. You cannot fix this. It's not your place to, no matter how good your intentions. You'll get sucked into it.
I know you are 14 and want to help this gal, but it's out of your league. I work with kids like this. I also remember my daughter going through something much the same with a friend of hers. She came to her mom and me, and she then forced the issue with the school counselors who then forced the issue of getting more serious help. If this kid is that depressed and suicidal she can be placed on a hold at an ER because of it.
The danger is you get sucked into this and she uses you or manipulates you with it. I'm not saying it's deliberate on her part, but it becomes a way of keeping you involved for the wrong reasons. She's got a lot of stuff to deal with and it won't be a quick fix. Abuse takes years to deal with.
I'm glad you care enough to try and help. That's a good thing. But get the adults involved.
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What I've been trying to ask really, is HOW to get someone involved. I already knew (as I stated in the beginning of OP) that I couldn't do anything to really help. That is why I'm trying to find people who CAN.
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I'm not a professional therapist, but I have an opinion.
I concur completely with Guppy. If this girl is in your school you may be obligated to some degree to report your concerns to a counselor. Either she's deeply depressed, aching for attention, or masterfully manipulative. In any case, she needs some help beyond what's reasonable for a teenage friendship.
I also agree with the sentiment expressed, though not so kindly, to not invest in a romantic relationship with this girl. Do the right thing for her. Hand her off to a responsible adult counselor. Then maintain your own priorities and focus. You can't be successful in high school and live like "The Catcher in the Rye."
Aside: There have been many teens who spent some time in and out of the hospital psych ward. Just because someone needs help working through issues in their youth doesn't mean they won't have healthy fulfilling lives as adults. I know.
:pray :salute
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What I've been trying to ask really, is HOW to get someone involved. I already knew (as I stated in the beginning of OP) that I couldn't do anything to really help. That is why I'm trying to find people who CAN.
This girl in school with you? More than likely there are professionals in the school district, maybe even on your campus, who are specifically trained and prepared to make interventions for situations exactly like this. If you don't know who these people are at your school then go to your principal. If he/she is too busy to see you, ask for the VP, or the Dean of Students, but be persistent. Don't leave until you've relayed your concern to a school executive, not just the office receptionist. Be polite and sincere, but avoid being dramatic. Don't wait until Thursday. :aok Oogly
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Talk to her about calling a anonymous crisis hotline. Be there with her when she does; she has already confided in you, why not have you there for support when she opens up to another person? They are trained to guide her towards those that are best able to help her without the emotional involvement you are enduring. She has expressed that she will stab herself if you tell anyone. How do you knowthat she won't stab herself anyhow for some other reason that you have no control over?
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She needs a good shrink. Not medicine, but someone to talk it out with.
A shrink will likely prescribe something.
Oogly... she needs professional help. If you can't talk her into it, walk. Otherwise... you're just going to be collateral damage.
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One more thought Oogly...
No one who is emotionally healthy threatens to stab themselves like that.
I can understand if you feel you are risking your friendship with this girl by taking the issue to a counselor. Don't let that stop you. If she's really depressed then she needs help and you are being her good friend. If on the other hand she is just playing you for her amusement, then her friendship with you is already a facade. While that might hurt your feelings, it's better to find out sooner rather than later. She still needs the help though, because that degree of manipulation is narcissistic. Either way, she'll probably be confused and angry with you.
Courage, Man.
:pray :salute
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'Attempted' suicides always seem to be nothing more than a cry for help. Especially repeated ones. Typically, girls try to kill themselves... Men just do it.
Oogly, one of my friends 'tried' to kill herself when I was a bit older than you. We were 16 at the time.
It was the usual story.... took a bunch of pills and thought that would do the job.
We found her, called an ambulance and got her to hospital.
She is now on prescription medicine for depression/bi-polar, which runs in her family. She's still a mess and she is a completely different person... but 7 years later, she's still alive. Completely unbearable, but alive.
I do know that all of her friends abandoned her when she tried to kill herself. I understood their position, she put them some tough times, but she obviously needed a bit of compassion and got none.
I didn't abandon her... All I did was go and see her a few times and make sure she was ok. I know that she appreciated that.
You should definitely do what Guppy suggested and inform the school counselor. You may lose her as a friend temporarily... but she'll get over that and death is permanent.
What you can do, if she is your friend, is just be her friend.
If you enjoy spending time with her, do it. It would be unwise to get romantically involved with her... but that doesn't mean you can't be her friend.
I can see why everyone is saying 'run' but if you' have a strong enough character, you'll manage any trouble you might have and you might just give her the strength she needs to get through a tough time.
Depression never really leaves you... but you can live with it.
Some days are harder than others, but it can be done.
If you choose to get involved here and try to help her, be aware that you may get pulled down with the ship.... but if she's a good friend and you have some moral fibre, you can help.... even if you can't get her to see a professional.
Some more information might be useful too.
-How long have you known her?
-Is she a close friend?
-Do you like her more than just a friend? (Be honest)
Also, Guppy has a level head on his shoulders and knows what he is talking about. Take his advice.
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Ooogly, by the way, good on you for having the brains to recognise the situation and the balls to try and do something about it.
Being a good friend is just about one of the best things you can be.
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I told her that I thought she needed help.
She told me that if I told anybody (that includes therapists) that she would stab herself.
Now what?
Get the hell out.
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What should I do?
Turn around, walk away. Women like that will only suck the life out of you, and then after you've given them all your energy, they cheat on you.
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Just DUMP her.
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Some very good advice here.
First off, forget any romantic impressions you may have had, trouble for you and trouble for her.
Second I wouldn't call the police, I'd check yellow pages for places that work with troubled people.
Example local ad goes "If you don't get help at Prairie, get help someplace!" Someplace near where you live is a similar clinic, establishment.
Third, rather than shoving it down her throat, make her realize that non of the problems will go away until they have been pulled out into the light of day, looked at, examined, dealt with. There is a way out of this, but its not suicide, its accepting you have problems and need help.
Last, I watched a tv show once about people who tried to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate bridge. The one thing they all had in common was, that as bad as their problems were, the second they jumped, they realized they were insignificant compared to the problem they had now. And in all cases that was while they were still on the way down.
There is help out there, help her to find it, and then help her to accept it.
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You can't except that girl to like you if she doesn't like herself. She is going through the motions, looking for someone to show her the affection she lacks or seeking a male figure to reaffirm her trust in the male gender.
You need to tell someone that has some authority (teacher, counselor) so she can get help. The kind of abuse she went through is something she will have to deal with her entire life, I'm not sure you are mature enough to handle it. Be a friend, a good listener, get her help, but for god's sake do not get romantically involved with her unless you are ready.
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So, let's say I call the police and report a suicide threat. Will they get her help from there? That is all I want for her...
I can only speak for my own area of operations.
She would have to have a gun to her own head for us to take her away. Just talking about it isn't enough. Its a slippery slope, the Police dragging people away to mental Hospitals.
On the other hand if there is a family member willing to sign her in, usually a parent, we would take her in. At least to an ER for an eval.
So I guess the answer is "no"! You couldn't just "call the Police" and there is no written report to be made unless she does something to harm herself.
When I was single I avoided head cases like these. Usually they only surface after you been seeing them awhiles. It may sound cold but I aint a Doctor and usually there is an underlying drug or alcohol problem they are hiding as well.
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RUN
Yes best advise. Sad. Yet true nonetheless.
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Patient confidentiality would prevent a therapist from revealing that information. I think there's only a few extreme cases where they can legally violate it.
Saxman...I believe this is one of those cases where if the girl is telling the truth and not just pulling his leg for sympathy because of some relationship problems with her mother and father...the authorities are going to end up being involved.
Legal obligations here:
"you dont twittleing know the soup i have been thorouh. twittleing getting abused til you were 11 because you weren't some guys biological kid. getting molested by someone you looked up too and thought you could trust and getting twittleing heart broken and moving 10 times in 2 years.
it twittleing sucks do dont tell me its going to be okay because its not.
never has been and never will be."
To which I replied:
I can't say it will be
because I honestly don't know
but you don't know it will be bad, nobody can predict the future
So then I told her that I really think she should seek help, possibly her mom, as she is the root to at least half of her problems, but this girl won't listen and refuses to talk to anyone or see anyone.
She's also been mollested by her Grandfather, but nobody else knows, and so she fears a therapist would tell her mom that, which would just destroy her.
Oogly...you're gonna find yourself in the middle of some very ugly business due to her very serious claims...get her to professional help and do whatever you can to do it without getting caught in the crossfire...the authorities will inevitably get involved if her claims hold any truth...so you better lay it on the line with her, sooner or later everyone will find out anyway, regardless of what she does...so she might as well help herself by seeking help.
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RUN
Agreed....... sounds like a mind gamer
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RUN
(http://www.terrapinevents.com/images/rlh/run_like_hell.jpg)
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Before my brother passed away, he was always in and out of various ER's and mental facilities. Once he went into one for the first time, most of his "friends" abandoned him and he was pretty much alone, save a few good people. He died pretty miserable.
If you are her friend, you stick it out with her through thick and thin, come hell or high water. Don't abandon her, but also be a FRIEND, and not a yes man. If you feel the situation warrants talking to a counselor, then do it, and be prepared for her to be very angry with you. That's what friends are for.
As others have said, however, do not, under any circumstances, become romantically involved. That would be playing with fire...
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Before my brother passed away, he was always in and out of various ER's and mental facilities. Once he went into one for the first time, most of his "friends" abandoned him and he was pretty much alone, save a few good people. He died pretty miserable.
If you are her friend, you stick it out with her through thick and thin, come hell or high water. Don't abandon her, but also be a FRIEND, and not a yes man. If you feel the situation warrants talking to a counselor, then do it, and be prepared for her to be very angry with you. That's what friends are for.
As others have said, however, do not, under any circumstances, become romantically involved. That would be playing with fire...
He said he just met her......
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He said he just met her......
Well, I knew I was going to be best buds with one person about 3 hours after we met. But it's up to him to figure that out.
I still say if he wants to be a friend, he'd better be a friend. Otherwise, ok, yeah, RUN :)
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Didn't read the entire thread but I do have one point of advice here. Contact the suicide hot line yourself and explain the situation with her to them and ask for sources of advice for you and her. You are already involved a bit so it's not going to be possible to completely back away without some of her issues splashing over onto you. You need some support to help deal with what you already have taken on. If you hadn't decided to take on any of her depression you wouldn't be feeling like you need to DO something.
Get some help, QUALIFIED help, regarding suicide prevention for her and yourself. Keep in mind that you cannot save the world, possibly not her either and it may be the case that nothing you do will make a difference. Be prepared for that possibility. Do what you can but do not take on all of her problems as your own. Good luck.
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Run? Run? Comeon guys... I've been diagnosed with clinical depression (aka major depressive disorder) for years now and have gone through, what you've said, she has. I've experimented with suicide and self mutilation, and when you're at your lows, they're hard to get out of. If she doesn't want to seek professional help, the biggest thing you can do is be there, make her feel comfortable talking to you (which it seems you've done), and just listen. Be comforting.
Also, check your PMs.
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Run? Run? Comeon guys... I've been diagnosed with clinical depression (aka major depressive disorder) for years now and have gone through, what you've said, she has. I've experimented with suicide and self mutilation, and when you're at your lows, they're hard to get out of. If she doesn't want to seek professional help, the biggest thing you can do is be there, make her feel comfortable talking to you (which it seems you've done), and just listen. Be comforting.
Also, check your PMs.
Trigger...were you a minor claiming that you were molested? Hope not...and if you were I hope someone was smart enough to get you help and get the hell out before the storm hit.
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I think when (many) people say "RUN" they are referring to the whole romantic encounter aspect. You can be friends with crazy and be OK, but dating crazy makes you crazy.
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Trigger...were you a minor claiming that you were molested? Hope not...and if you were I hope someone was smart enough to get you help and get the hell out before the storm hit.
Yup, DHS (well, at the time, SCF (services to childern and family)) came in and investigated (took 'em about a year), was removed from the house. Took 'em forever, 2 years to even look into the case...
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After my marriage finally crumbled to pieces because I just couldn't hold them all together anymore I went to a therapist for a bit. She told me one thing that you should also keep in mind here.
You can't fix someone else.
Believe me that I understand the desire to help and to try and the compassion that drives that desire, but in the end it's a futile effort. You can still care and you can be grounded and supportive, certainly. However, absolutely by no means should you get deeply involved. By the time that you realise that you are in fact trying to fix her, (most likely against her will, people with these sort of problems don't like to be fixed) it will be nearly too late. You'll find your entire life torn apart by someone else's problems. I'm speaking from experience here having spent 7 years of my life sinking deeper and deeper into a hole that a person was digging for herself, it's like trying to help a drowning person, there's almost more danger for you than to her. Almost 4 years later I'm still not shed of all the damage. Don't fall into that pattern man, people with that level of problems will self medicate in just about any way that they can find and there will be nothing you can do about it. She's going to have to come to a point where she wants to get the help for herself and to get fixed herself, no amount of you caring or pushing or pulling or anything else will make her better or make her want to be better. Like Vudak said, you can be her friend, be encouraging and be stable and that's the best thing you can do for her, but always keep in mind that you can't fix her problems for her and you can't make her want to fix them for herself, she won't fix them for you or anyone else, no matter how bad you might want her to.
It's one of the hardest things in the world watching someone destroy themselves bit by bit, but it's harder still to have them take you down with them.
You can't fix someone else.
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And, that right there ^ is word.
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if you care about her you could sacrifice part of your happiness by helping her. But be warned, to succede in helping a person requires an equal and opposite reaction. You will take some of the bad out of her to make her better. It's not a game. Even loving help often fosters resentments when there is no more help needed.
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As my grandfather told me long ago...."Nicky, you must think with the proper head..." :)
Especially in a situation like this, you definitely must think with the proper head..
You are 14, you have no experience in this area (and if you did, you need help as well)....
Doesn't she have other friends? Why is she all of the sudden telling you and you just met her?
Sounds like a head case.... If you're that concerned, contact the authorities or an adult you trust..
There's really not much you can do besides give her moral support.. And be sure you're doing all this for the right reasons....
But my best advice would be just to walk in the other direction..
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I myself took a depression test (online) some while back, and came out with a very bad score. I pretty much figured as well.
Not in danger of eating the barrel though, I had to use all I have to avoid getting killed at one moment in my life (14 years ago) and that tought me that I want to live.
The things that keep me going are love (yep, I was lucky with the spouse), my interests, and plenty to do (if you're busy enough, especially with something that you have some interest in!)
How old is she anyway?
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RUN
Does she have lots of cash? If not RUN
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Depression is an easily discounted affliction.
Yet it affects many and is not always easy to recognise.
The person who is truly depressed is the person you least suspect.
The ones who display their 'depression' openly are the ones who are often at little risk of suicide.
It's the quiet ones you need to look out for.
Being 'depressed' about terrible things that have happened in your life is one thing....
Waking up and hating the fact that you're still alive for no good reason at all is completely different.
How do you fix that? What is the problem when there is nothing wrong?
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Well I've only gotten through half of this thread before not desireing to continue reading the rest. It disgusts me how many people here don't understand that the reason she's opened up this much to Oogly is because he may be one of if not the only person she feels she can trust.
Oogly, I respect your ambitions here to help her, but I agree with some people here that you shouldn't persue a romantic relationship with her, especially if she won't listen to you when you're trying ot help and blackmails you to leave it be "or she'll stab herself".
It sounds like she is very young and you too are very young. I'm willing to bet you both are in either High School or College together. Your school, by law, has programs at no to minimal cost to help provide a means for her to get confidential help. Go ahead and on your own begin the process of finding a professional (shrink) that is right for this sitaution via the resources available to you and her, likely the shrink you get in touch with will encourage you to be there for the first couple of sessions, and you should oblige.. Then you need to bring this up with her again, sincerely and calmly. She will likely make the same or similar blackmail threat without thinking twice about it. You need to point out that those type of threats is why you are so concerned for her well being, that it was a yes or no question, and look at the answer she gave... But primarily, use her trust in you to persuade her that this is confidential and the best thing for her you feel, but the shrink you get in touch with will assist in how to properly use her trust in you to then go together and see the shrink.
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RUN
:rofl
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Last year, I was in a friendship with a girl like that, but it was more or less "my boyfriend dumped me! I'm going to kill myself" and what not. I was always like "you got so much to live for!" and all the sweet talk.
And after about 10 times, it finally hit me that she wasn't going to do it, so, the next time, I just said "Do it then, if you're greedy enough to talk only about your problems to everyone else, go ahead. Apparently the world is better off without you if you say so" and I cut all communications with her..
Saw her yesterday, she's doing fine.
I have absolutely NO clue what will happen with you and this girl, but she was kind of in the same boat, she had been raped by her step dad, IIRC, or so she said, and she had depression problems. A crazy bellybutton sister, and a mean momma didn't help much at all, but I gave her a reason to live, for me to be wrong. And surprisingly, I'm actually kind of friends with her again. And she's doing fine. Sis is out of the house, and I think she lives with her dad now.
And that girl right there (Linsay) was pretty out of her mind.
If you can piss her off, and give her a reason to live, give it a try, if not, and it's too hopeless, I'd just try being nice for her, and being the brother she never had. If she really isn't like Linsay, where it just more or less turned into greed for attention, then, hopefully you can work it out.
Only time I can sorta relate. And I did right I guess. Kind of sad though, she has the scars on her wrist that'll last the rest of her life.
I really hope I'm not telling you to do the wrong thing, but I was about your age when this happened to me.
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Last year, I was in a friendship with a girl like that, but it was more or less "my boyfriend dumped me! I'm going to kill myself" and what not. I was always like "you got so much to live for!" and all the sweet talk.
And after about 10 times, it finally hit me that she wasn't going to do it, so, the next time, I just said "Do it then, if you're greedy enough to talk only about your problems to everyone else, go ahead. Apparently the world is better off without you if you say so" and I cut all communications with her..
Saw her yesterday, she's doing fine.
I have absolutely NO clue what will happen with you and this girl, but she was kind of in the same boat, she had been raped by her step dad, IIRC, or so she said, and she had depression problems. A crazy bellybutton sister, and a mean momma didn't help much at all, but I gave her a reason to live, for me to be wrong. And surprisingly, I'm actually kind of friends with her again. And she's doing fine. Sis is out of the house, and I think she lives with her dad now.
And that girl right there (Linsay) was pretty out of her mind.
If you can piss her off, and give her a reason to live, give it a try, if not, and it's too hopeless, I'd just try being nice for her, and being the brother she never had. If she really isn't like Linsay, where it just more or less turned into greed for attention, then, hopefully you can work it out.
Only time I can sorta relate. And I did right I guess. Kind of sad though, she has the scars on her wrist that'll last the rest of her life.
I really hope I'm not telling you to do the wrong thing, but I was about your age when this happened to me.
:salute
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Yep. It's just a hop, step and a jump from "If you tell the counsellor I'll stab myself," to "If you won't take my next dose of drama RIGHT NOW mister, I'll stab myself."
Leave her to the fargin pros before she pulls you down with her.