Help with a Depression Victim.

[Hap]

RUN

Yes best advise.  Sad.  Yet true nonetheless.

[gyrene81]

Patient confidentiality would prevent a therapist from revealing that information. I think there's only a few extreme cases where they can legally violate it.

Saxman...I believe this is one of those cases where if the girl is telling the truth and not just pulling his leg for sympathy because of some relationship problems with her mother and father...the authorities are going to end up being involved.


Legal obligations here:

"you dont twittleing know the soup i have been thorouh. twittleing getting abused til you were 11 because you weren't some guys biological kid. getting molested by someone you looked up too and thought you could trust and getting twittleing heart broken and moving 10 times in 2 years.
it twittleing sucks do dont tell me its going to be okay because its not.
never has been and never will be."

To which I replied:
I can't say it will be
because I honestly don't know
but you don't know it will be bad, nobody can predict the future


So then I told her that I really think she should seek help, possibly her mom, as she is the root to at least half of her problems, but this girl won't listen and refuses to talk to anyone or see anyone.

She's also been mollested by her Grandfather, but nobody else knows, and so she fears a therapist would tell her mom that, which would just destroy her. 

Oogly...you're gonna find yourself in the middle of some very ugly business due to her very serious claims...get her to professional help and do whatever you can to do it without getting caught in the crossfire...the authorities will inevitably get involved if her claims hold any truth...so you better lay it on the line with her, sooner or later everyone will find out anyway, regardless of what she does...so she might as well help herself by seeking help.

[Shuffler]

RUN

Agreed.......  sounds like a mind gamer

[usvi]

RUN

[Vudak]

Before my brother passed away, he was always in and out of various ER's and mental facilities.  Once he went into one for the first time, most of his "friends" abandoned him and he was pretty much alone, save a few good people.  He died pretty miserable.

If you are her friend, you stick it out with her through thick and thin, come hell or high water.  Don't abandon her, but also be a FRIEND, and not a yes man.  If you feel the situation warrants talking to a counselor, then do it, and be prepared for her to be very angry with you.  That's what friends are for.

As others have said, however, do not, under any circumstances, become romantically involved.  That would be playing with fire...

[Shuffler]

Before my brother passed away, he was always in and out of various ER's and mental facilities.  Once he went into one for the first time, most of his "friends" abandoned him and he was pretty much alone, save a few good people.  He died pretty miserable.

If you are her friend, you stick it out with her through thick and thin, come hell or high water.  Don't abandon her, but also be a FRIEND, and not a yes man.  If you feel the situation warrants talking to a counselor, then do it, and be prepared for her to be very angry with you.  That's what friends are for.

As others have said, however, do not, under any circumstances, become romantically involved.  That would be playing with fire...

He said he just met her......

[Vudak]

He said he just met her......

Well, I knew I was going to be best buds with one person about 3 hours after we met.  But it's up to him to figure that out.

I still say if he wants to be a friend, he'd better be a friend.  Otherwise, ok, yeah, RUN

[Maverick]

Didn't read the entire thread but I do have one point of advice here. Contact the suicide hot line yourself and explain the situation with her to them and ask for sources of advice for you and her. You are already involved a bit so it's not going to be possible to completely back away without some of her issues splashing over onto you. You need some support to help deal with what you already have taken on. If you hadn't decided to take on any of her depression you wouldn't be feeling like you need to DO something.

Get some help, QUALIFIED help, regarding suicide prevention for her and yourself. Keep in mind that you cannot save the world, possibly not her either and it may be the case that nothing you do will make a difference. Be prepared for that possibility. Do what you can but do not take on all of her problems as your own. Good luck.

[trigger2]

Run? Run? Comeon guys... I've been diagnosed with clinical depression (aka major depressive disorder) for years now and have gone through, what you've said, she has. I've experimented with suicide and self mutilation, and when you're at your lows, they're hard to get out of. If she doesn't want to seek professional help, the biggest thing you can do is be there, make her feel comfortable talking to you (which it seems you've done), and just listen. Be comforting.

Also, check your PMs.

[gyrene81]

Run? Run? Comeon guys... I've been diagnosed with clinical depression (aka major depressive disorder) for years now and have gone through, what you've said, she has. I've experimented with suicide and self mutilation, and when you're at your lows, they're hard to get out of. If she doesn't want to seek professional help, the biggest thing you can do is be there, make her feel comfortable talking to you (which it seems you've done), and just listen. Be comforting.

Also, check your PMs.

Trigger...were you a minor claiming that you were molested? Hope not...and if you were I hope someone was smart enough to get you help and get the hell out before the storm hit.

[Vudak]

I think when (many) people say "RUN" they are referring to the whole romantic encounter aspect.  You can be friends with crazy and be OK, but dating crazy makes you crazy.

[trigger2]

Trigger...were you a minor claiming that you were molested? Hope not...and if you were I hope someone was smart enough to get you help and get the hell out before the storm hit.

Yup, DHS (well, at the time, SCF (services to childern and family)) came in and investigated (took 'em about a year), was removed from the house. Took 'em forever, 2 years to even look into the case...

[maddafinga]

After my marriage finally crumbled to pieces because I just couldn't hold them all together anymore I went to a therapist for a bit.  She told me one thing that you should also keep in mind here.

You can't fix someone else.


Believe me that I understand the desire to help and to try and the compassion that drives that desire, but in the end it's a futile effort.  You can still care and you can be grounded and supportive, certainly.  However, absolutely by no means should you get deeply involved.  By the time that you realise that you are in fact trying to fix her, (most likely against her will, people with these sort of problems don't like to be fixed) it will be nearly too late.  You'll find your entire life torn apart by someone else's problems.  I'm speaking from experience here having spent 7 years of my life sinking deeper and deeper into a hole that a person was digging for herself, it's like trying to help a drowning person, there's almost more danger for you than to her.  Almost 4 years later I'm still not shed of all the damage.  Don't fall into that pattern man, people with that level of problems will self medicate in just about any way that they can find and there will be nothing you can do about it. She's going to have to come to a point where she wants to get the help for herself and to get fixed herself, no amount of you caring or pushing or pulling or anything else will make her better or make her want to be better.  Like Vudak said, you can be her friend, be encouraging and be stable and that's the best thing you can do for her, but always keep in mind that you can't fix her problems for her and  you can't make her want to fix them for herself, she won't fix them for you or anyone else, no matter how bad you might want her to. 

It's one of the hardest things in the world watching someone destroy themselves bit by bit, but it's harder still to have them take you down with them. 

You can't fix someone else.

 

[Scherf]

And, that right there ^ is word.

[mechanic]

if you care about her you could sacrifice part of your happiness by helping her. But be warned, to succede in helping a person requires an equal and opposite reaction. You will take some of the bad out of her to make her better. It's not a game. Even loving help often fosters resentments when there is no more help needed.