Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ack-Ack on September 02, 2009, 12:53:59 PM
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Stumbled across this joke on another site.
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father.. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration... 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, And his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
ack-ack
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:rofl
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hehehe
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:rofl
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:lol :aok
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:lol
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:rofl :lol :rofl :lol
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haha, I thought it was going to make a different turn.
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Same. Still funny. :lol
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haha, I thought it was going to make a different turn.
No then the joke would have been about a loose boy. :D
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+1 :D
CrAzy
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:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :aok
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:rofl :rofl
Can I add one? Good.
Little Johnny strikes again.....
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate..'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
Johnny said, 'My Aunt Brenda has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
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:aok
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:rofl :rofl
Can I add one? Good.
Little Johnny strikes again.....
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate..'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
Johnny said, 'My Aunt Brenda has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
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See Rule #6
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:rofl :rofl at all of them
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:rofl
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Little Johnny has a nightmare one night and decides to go to his parents room. He walks in on his dad railing
his mom. His dad, in the excitement, yells at him to go away. After hes done the dad feels really bad and
decided to go talk to lil johnny but he wasnt in his room, then he heres a noise from the next room. The dad
walks in on Little johnny railing his grandmother, little johnny looks back and says "HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL!!!"
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Little Johnny has a nightmare one night and decides to go to his parents room. He walks in on his dad railing
his mom. His dad, in the excitement, yells at him to go away. After hes done the dad feels really bad and
decided to go talk to lil johnny but he wasnt in his room, then he heres a noise from the next room. The dad
walks in on Little johnny railing his grandmother, little johnny looks back and says "HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL!!!"
:rofl :rofl :rofl
Funnier every time I hear it.
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WHY YOU NEVER
QUESTION A
DRUNK
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. Package of bacon.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out,
A drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
Cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
Calmly stated, "You must be single."
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was
Intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.
I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing
Particularly unusual about my selections that could have
Tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you
Know what, you're absolutely right. But how on
Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
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See Rule #12
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See rule #12
:lol
WHY YOU NEVER
QUESTION A
DRUNK
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. Package of bacon.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out,
A drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
Cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
Calmly stated, "You must be single."
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was
Intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.
I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing
Particularly unusual about my selections that could have
Tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you
Know what, you're absolutely right. But how on
Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
:rofl
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See Rule #12
That wasn't in the message.
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See Rule #14
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See Rule #14
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Insert politically themed joke to otherwise awesome joke thread here.
Hijack joke thread with topical and intelligent historical political quote here.
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Can we make an attempt not to let this one get locked?
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I'm going to go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at
a yard sale, and drink beer! Yay!
Well, now Budweiser is owned by a German company so that statement may be wrong ;)
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...
Can we make an attempt not to let this one get locked?
Wasn't meant to be a political statement - just funny - most people laff at it- it doesn't matter that it holds true today - the same thing was true during the last administration
it is just an attempt at sharing humor - I thought it was funny
NwBie
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Well, now Budweiser is owned by a German company so that statement may be wrong ;)
I didn't see anything mentioned in his joke about that nasty swill from Anotherhoser Bushpirate brewing in Missouri, Buttwhistler beer is worse than Coors...so the statement is correct as long as it is New Glarus, Abita Springs or Dixie beer (all American owned). :D
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The never question a drunk reminds me of the old one.....
Drunk man on a plane tells a lady... " your ugly"
The lady tells the man..."well your drunk"
The man says... "maybe so.... but I'll be sober in the morning"
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My English is not that good, but I will try:
A couple is having their first Nightstand.
They jump into the bed and things get hot.
He says: If I knew that you are still a virgin, I would have waited.
She replies: If I knew that you have time to wait, I would have taken off my pantyhose first!
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:rofl
Slightly modified:
A couple is having their first Nightcap.
They jump into the bed and things get hot.
He says: If I knew you were still a virgin, I would have waited.
She replies: If I knew you had time to wait, I would have taken off my pantyhose!
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See Rule #6
wow...really? pornographic or offensive? My god, it was neither of those things
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A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was angry, but she continued on her way.
On the way home, she passed by the pet store again, and again, the parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store.
The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.
"Yes?"
"You know...."
ack-ack
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Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls?
A: Sparky!
_____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ _
One Sunday morning a priest and an alter boy were getting the church ready for mass. The priest prepared his sermon while the alter boy filled the holy water fountain.
Suddenly, the alter boy burst into the priest's room and yelled, "father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me ... and he took a step forward"!
The priest was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?"
The alter boy replies...
"flat on his bellybutton in front of the holy water fountain"!
_____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ ____
A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."
ack-ack
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:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl to all good stuff.
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_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
One Sunday morning a priest and an alter boy were getting the church ready for mass. The priest prepared his sermon while the alter boy filled the holy water fountain.
Suddenly, the alter boy burst into the priest's room and yelled, "father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me ... and he took a step forward"!
The priest was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?"
The alter boy replies...
"flat on his bellybutton in front of the holy water fountain"!
_____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ ____
A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."
ack-ack
I found these two the funniest I've read in a while! :rofl
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:rofl
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Q: What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his socks?
A: BLEEEOTCH!
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Q: What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his socks?
A: BLEEEOTCH!
Q:Who's not funny?
A:AAJagerX
Sorry, but its not funny.
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Q:Who's not funny?
A:AAJagerX
Sorry, but its not funny.
:rofl
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I guess I just have a better sense of humor... :x
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Q: What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his socks?
A: BLEEEOTCH!
:rofl
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A man wakes up from the annual Christmas party with his head pounding, his mouth full of cotton and not remembering exactly what went on the previous night. As he stumbled downstairs and sat down at the table, his wife put a fresh cup of coffee in front of him.
"What went on last night was it as bad as I think?" he said after taking his first sip.
"Worse" she said, "you managed to make an bellybutton of yourself in front of the whole board of directors and insulted the president of the company to his face."
"Bah, piss on him. He's an stunninghunk." he scoffed
She said "You did and he fired you."
"Well f**k him then!" he barked
To which she replied "I did. You're back to work on Monday"
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I guess I just have a better sense of humor... :x
I'm sory, living in L.A. only white boys say "bee-atch", a black man wouldn't say that if you held a gun to his head
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white boys huh? i notice you didn't say black boys. Maybe it was a typo?
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white boys huh? i notice you didn't say black boys. Maybe it was a typo?
sighddd, here we go :rolleyes:
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The never question a drunk reminds me of the old one.....
Drunk man on a plane tells a lady... " your ugly"
The lady tells the man..."well your drunk"
The man says... "maybe so.... but I'll be sober in the morning"
This is a loose retelling of an actual quote by Winston Churchill when talking to Bessie Braddock who was an English Labor Party Politician at the time.
Braddock: "Mr. Churchill, this is a disgrace. You are quite drunk."
Churchill: "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. In the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "
It is somewhat disputed that these were the actual words, and wether it was Braddock or someone else, but still, Churchill was always good for something interesting!
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white boys huh? i notice you didn't say black boys. Maybe it was a typo?
lol, that was intentional, you know...like......childish, thinking their cool an whut not.
Also, thats just how we tend to adress them round here, im half iranian/ half mexican, so i got no preference
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This is a loose retelling of an actual quote by Winston Churchill when talking to Bessie Braddock who was an English Labor Party Politician at the time.
Braddock: "Mr. Churchill, this is a disgrace. You are quite drunk."
Churchill: "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. In the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "
It is somewhat disputed that these were the actual words, and wether it was Braddock or someone else, but still, Churchill was always good for something interesting!
The Churchill one I like is ....
Lady So n so (forget her name) to Churchill "If you were my husband I would poison you"
Churchill"s reply "If you were my wife I'd drink it"
:rofl
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I'm sory, living in L.A. only white boys say "bee-atch", a black man wouldn't say that if you held a gun to his head
Ok, I used to live in LA too, so it's not that big of a deal.
The joke was in reference to when he says that on his albums.
Also, I didn't create the joke, just posted it because I got a laugh out of it.
Don't ruin a cool joke thread. Some of us like it.
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Ok, I used to live in LA too, so it's not that big of a deal.
The joke was in reference to when he says that on his albums.
Also, I didn't create the joke, just posted it because I got a laugh out of it.
Don't ruin a cool joke thread. Some of us like it.
lol...i know, was just trying to clear up some racial misconceptions due to the language i used based on my location....but yea, das how me an my friends generally refer to them, i got the joke, didnt think it was funny, and just tried to explain myself to the kool-aid man.....yes
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What do you call cheese that's not yours?
"Nacho" Cheese. lol
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Why did Tigger look in the toilet bowl
he was looking for Pooh.