Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: killnu on May 28, 2013, 01:56:20 AM
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if you found out your 14 year old daughter received over 3000 text (more than 3 times more than her best friend) from another man that she called "daddy" while you were deployed....and your wife tried to hide it from you?
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Fing pissed off. That's total bs right there. I'd be impressed if that "daddy" didn't get his :ahand
(arrest and paper work/ court isn't fun nor worth it)
And why would she hide it? Makes you wonder what else shed be hidding.
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i'd probably feel like it was a really dumb idea to join the military
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i'd probably feel like it was a really dumb idea to join the military
this is why I'm going in single. Also don't want to get deer hunter sent to me with my girl copulating with some guy(better than a best friend) whilst in the middle if it :furious :bhead
but the benifiets out wiegh the negatives.
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I'd feel like what your screenname implies.
I hope this didn't happen to you, but if it did, deep breaths and use a technique called the 10th row effect. That is look at what is going on around you as if you were in a movie and as far back as the 10th row. See things as they are happening not as they are feeling. Try to view things from someone else seeing what is going on. It's not easy to do, and requires you to put feelings aside for a moment, but it will stop you from making impulse decisions and offer perspective. Tough task for anyone.
:salute
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wow, I hope this didn't happen to you or anyone else for that matter :salute I couldn't imagine, but boy would I ever be :mad:
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Well, I'm old school..
I don't think I need to say any more than that, about that situation..
I will say this tho.. With all that is happening right now..
Men of Strong Will, and good Character, ARE NEEDED AT HOME..
The REAL fight is just gettin warmed up!
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Spend every waking hour rebuilding your relationship with your daughter. Don't blame her or get angry with her about this other guy.
Leave the wife.
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yea, don't blame the kid. . they don't understand life. .
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i'd probably feel like it was a really dumb idea to join the military
only you Coombz...
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i'd probably feel like it was a really dumb idea to join the military
Why bother posting crap like this, ok we get it you don't like the military so why play a game that
by it's very nature would attract members (past and present) of the military.
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Coombz seems to be so Anti- Military.
Maybe he was denied entry and or kicked out?
Seems he lacks any kind of compassion.
Bet he has few friends, if any. Poor sap.
KillnU thanks for your service bro, sorry about your situation.
Hope you get things worked out, whatever you decide to do.
Whatever you do, don't do anything that'll get you in a bind.
Curious, is other guy Military as well? Article 15
:salute Oz
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Well you have a couple options. First off I'd suggest you avail yourself to the marriage counseling available and see where it leads.You always can fall back on the second option of splitting the sheets but going there first removes all others. It depends on if you feel there is any reason to remain in the relationship or not. You are still going to have an attachment to your daughter no matter what but how much depends on how you handle this. Going nuclear may reduce what possibilities you may have for the future with her.
I know it absolutely sucks and it's going to play hell with your mind for some time. Take small steps and one step at a time. Things can and will get better.
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Sounds like an opportunity to:
Spend more time with the daughter to deepen your relationship
Trade-in the old, stretched-out piece and find yourself some strange that is new and fresh (just don't get married again)...
Get a new place and put that beer tap on the fridge like you always wanted to...
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Why bother posting crap like this, ok we get it you don't like the military
Coombz seems to be so Anti- Military.
Maybe he was denied entry and or kicked out?
Seems he lacks any kind of compassion.
Bet he has few friends, if any. Poor sap.
It's interesting that neither of you are able to grasp the distinction between being 'anti stupid wars' and entirely 'anti-military'. I've repeated myself too many times now to think that the message will actually sink in, but I am not anti-military at all. I have a couple of mates back home who are in the Royal Marines who I respect greatly for their abilities and sacrifices, and a friend here in the RNZAF. Not to mention the squaddies and friends within AH who are active or past members of the armed forces.
Despite your attempt to turn my comment around in an attempt to flame me, my response to the OP was completely honest.
As a father, if I had made a choice between my family and some kind of job (military or otherwise) which would lead me to be away from home for a long time, and then came back to find my wife had been cheating on me and my child calling another man 'Daddy', then I would feel I had made a very bad choice.
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Coombz is awesome :old:
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It's interesting that neither of you are able to grasp the distinction between being 'anti stupid wars' and entirely 'anti-military'. I've repeated myself too many times now to think that the message will actually sink in, but I am not anti-military at all. I have a couple of mates back home who are in the Royal Marines who I respect greatly for their abilities and sacrifices, and a friend here in the RNZAF. Not to mention the squaddies and friends within AH who are active or past members of the armed forces.
Despite your attempt to turn my comment around in an attempt to flame me, my response to the OP was completely honest.
As a father, if I had made a choice between my family and some kind of job (military or otherwise) which would lead me to be away from home for a long time, and then came back to find my wife had been cheating on me and my child calling another man 'Daddy', then I would feel I had made a very bad choice.
It shouldn't be your fault. If someone MARRIES you then they are saying they will be faithful to YOU and ONLY you no matter if you are gone 1 day or 10 years. So long as there is hope you are alive, they are faithful to you.
There is NO excuse for the wife doing that or allowing the daughter to be in that situation. NONE. Nadda. Zip. Zilch. Zero.
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It shouldn't be your fault. If someone MARRIES you then they are saying they will be faithful to YOU and ONLY you no matter if you are gone 1 day or 10 years. So long as there is hope you are alive, they are faithful to you.
There is NO excuse for the wife doing that or allowing the daughter to be in that situation. NONE. Nadda. Zip. Zilch. Zero.
there will always be seeds of malice in some womens hearts.
Some are cheaters till the day they die.
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there will always be seeds of malice in some womens hearts.
Some are cheaters till the day they die.
QFT
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There is NO excuse for the wife doing that or allowing the daughter to be in that situation. NONE. Nadda. Zip. Zilch. Zero.
I wasn't making excuses for the wife, I agree totally that you should be able to expect your partner to be faithful to you if you are married and have a child together.
Sadly however, this very often is not the case in the real world.
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I said that Id never be a military man and a married man for this reason.
If I met someone I love and wanted to marry and was sure of. Id never join up. So unless a third world war with civilization at stake was being fought, I wouldn't leave her side.
Purely because women are temperamental, they need support from their other half due to their heavy emotional dependence. If they know that the husband walking out the door, considers fighting the enemy more important than loving her... and she knows that the enemy might just kill him and she will never see him again... she is more likely to go to a man who won't run off to get killed.
Plus like us men... if she ain't getting any... it will get to the point where she will go to find it. Thank evolution (or god if your a religious man) for that one.
P.S, not saying that all men or women are cheaters, I'm just saying that primal urges will always overcome emotional control eventually, no matter how hard you fight.
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It's interesting that neither of you are able to grasp the distinction between being 'anti stupid wars' and entirely 'anti-military'. I've repeated myself too many times now to think that the message will actually sink in, but I am not anti-military at all. I have a couple of mates back home who are in the Royal Marines who I respect greatly for their abilities and sacrifices, and a friend here in the RNZAF. Not to mention the squaddies and friends within AH who are active or past members of the armed forces.
Once a decision is made to send in the military you should support them completely. If you don't agree with the decision to send them take it up with the Government not infest these pages with your rot.
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Once a decision is made to send in the military you should support them completely.
I wonder if you realise just how stupid you sound when you say things like this.
As for 'infesting these pages with my rot', you brought the subject up, not me.
But if you can't stand to ever read an opinion that does not completely match your own, then I would suggest sticking me on ignore and keeping up your subscription to The Daily Mail :aok
If patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel (Samuel Johnson) then surely blind and unconditional patriotism is the first refuge of a moron :old:
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I'm just going to come out swinging.
I will whole heartidly support the troops. It's the leaders I don't neccissarily support(and lookie lookie the guy I voted against is going to be my commander in chief :banana:)
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Zacherof I reported you to the FBI for creating an 'Obama is the antichrist' option in your poll
enjoy your drone strike bud :neener:
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Zacherof I reported you to the FBI for creating an 'Obama is the antichrist' option in your poll
enjoy your drone strike bud :neener:
You are a middle man white flag waving "please help me im NOW being oppressed" moron.
Bottom line is you are TRYING to treat any military job like a CIVILIAN JOB. I got new's for you pal, even a soldier scrubbing the toilet with a tooth brush has TEN up on your sorry arse for anything and everything you have done for your SELF, no matter how great you think you are as a man, or even as a human being. Even a insubordinate incompetent eff' off at least tryed to be something GREATER then you, civilian.
You will not understand, as im sure by now the only thing you DO understand is your own face and voice as you talk to yourself in the mirror every morning trying ever so desperately to reinforce that idea of what a man IS, in your own mind. Good luck with that, im sure it is a daily battle.
Because i can tell you right now, if you ever understood..you would have never typed that sentence that pissed off so many GREAT men.
Now, back to your hole. We will call you if we need a white flag waved and someone to spout nonsense while using the very freedom people sacrifices and died for you to have. Sacrifice...Does not involve losing ones mind in battle, or losing a limb to a bomb grenade bullet or a blade, it is not laying in a coffin. The largest part is leaving everything you know and love, your family, your friends..your civilian cloths, even your shoes. To serve something else.
Someday coombz, you will learn to tell yourself one thing while standing before the morning mirror, If you dont have anything nice to say..then shut the diddly up.
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Serious note, sadly many of these responses were pretty immature.
What is the nature of the relationship with your wife? Something like this indicates a major divergence of relationship. Were you aware of this? Was it a shock? Are you seperated? Many of us have been in the military and know of situations where a deployment was privately serving much as a seperation would for civilians.
We might be able to provide better thoughts with some of this information, if you care to share. Do you want to repair the relationship with the wife?
I Strongly agree, don't blame the daughter.
Children are completely lost trying to please two parents in a situation children have no business trying to resolve. No matter the actions of the parents the children tend to blame familial breakups in terms of 'Dad left/Mom kicked out Dad because I did....'
I've given this advice to others but the book "The Five Love Languages" is great for helping you understand how to communicate with your spouse, and how she can communicate with you. As for the deeper issues of fidelity, etc, that is tough and something many of us are not really in a position to address.
I hope that helps a bit.
Boo
PS Don't do anything stupid like trying to beat the other guy up. That won't solve anything, very likely make it worse. Imagine spending time in jail, worse yet getting discharged while you try and solve these other issues. Contact your chaplain right away and begin talking so you have someone on the ground you can turn to for advice. Don't listen to some of the idiots on this board. They are fun to fly cartoon planes with but not the people you want helping solve real world problems.
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this guy trying to rival semp for gibberish posts :lol edit: sorry boo, not directed at you sir
from what I can translate it seems we can put you into the same 'blindly and unconditionally patriotic box' with xbrit
you both would've made great Nazis (yeah, I was trying to avoid falling afoul of Godwin's law, but you've driven me to it :) )
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, then I would feel I had made a very bad choice.
The OP didn't make a bad choice, it would appear his other half did.
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Is it a (older) guy the daughter is seeing and the wife is hiding it, or the mrs getting around?
If the first, time to do some old fashioned whooping
The second, some old fashioned whoopin
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this guy trying to rival semp for gibberish posts :lol edit: sorry boo, not directed at you sir
from what I can translate it seems we can put you into the same 'blindly and unconditionally patriotic box' with xbrit
you both would've made great Nazis (yeah, I was trying to avoid falling afoul of Godwin's law, but you've driven me to it :) )
no, you clearly have demonstrated you got me beat on gibberish posts.
semp
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no, you clearly have demonstrated you got me beat on gibberish posts.
semp
Really? I suppose you can back that up by quoting or linking a post of mine that either doesn't make logical sense or is unreadable due to being incredibly badly written?
See if you can find one - as I don't make a habit of getting hammered on booze and picking fights on the Internet it might take you a while ;)
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Really? I suppose you can back that up by quoting or linking a post of mine that either doesn't make logical sense or is unreadable due to being incredibly badly written?
See if you can find one - as I don't make a habit of getting hammered on booze and picking fights on the Internet it might take you a while ;)
how many fights did you pick up in this thread alone?
semp
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The first part of that question just totally churns my gut...I have a 14 year old daughter....
the whole thing brings up questions...not asking but can't help feeling there is a back story.....
In any case I feel for you on the part of the daughter....It would totally rip my world apart...as for the second part (wife).... a certain prodigy song comes to mind.... only jokin.....maybe :t
For me..hard as it may be I would try to keep it as civil as possible....and work on building/finding out what has gone on with the relationship I thought I had with my little girl.... this is a tough time for young girls...so much for a parent to worry about...not quite grown up but wanting to be......it is so hard to make them understand what childhood should be with all the desensitization that has gone on in the world....
as for the wife..... no point in keeping that untrustworthy piece about.... hard yes..but second guessing for ever more is eroding to the mind and spirit...
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how many fights did you pick up in this thread alone?
semp
I responded honestly to the OP, and responded honestly to the people trying to pick fights with me because of their over-sensitivity to any real or imagined criticism of the military
And I did it all without resorting to gibberish rage posts,strawman arguments, or extreme stupidity (I'm not sure what the more technical name for what xbrit said is, although I know there is one)
I did however invoke Godwin's law (against myself :lol:), but no one is perfect
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I'd be upset/disappointed/mad enough to:
Get a lawyer.
Get a restraining order to keep him away from your daughter and your property.
Get a restraining order / injunction freezing transfers in and out of financial accounts, preventing new accounts from being opened, or old ones being closed.
Consider legal action to preserve evidence, such as getting phone records, emails, and text messages. That info is all available even if "deleted", you may just need the right court order to preserve it.
Inventory all of your property, including "yours", "hers", and "ours". If anything is missing, file an immediate police report for theft.
Check your credit report and if you see anything unusual, file an immediate identity theft report. If she (or the new guy) did anything in your name without the right authority or power of attorney, get that reported as fraud or identity theft.
Remove all weapons from the house and store in a safe/legal place.
Seek advice from military legal counsel since mil pay/benefits may be affected if you don't do things right.
If you want to save the marriage, immediately seek counseling with the wife. If she won't go, hire the nastiest divorce lawyer you can find and ensure that you are able to participate in your daughter's life and don't get ripped off financially since it was her choice to jump ship.
If she gets confrontational, get out before it escalates because even if she assaults YOU and you just sit there taking a beating, when the cops show up you're still going to be the one going to jail, losing your firearms and military qualifications, losing access to your daughter, etc.
Step one, hiring a good lawyer, ought to lead to many of these steps if they're doing their job properly. You have every right to protect yourself and ensure you can participate in the lives of your children without getting financially ripped off.
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I responded honestly to the OP, and responded honestly to the people trying to pick fights with me because of their over-sensitivity to any real or imagined criticism of the military
And I did it all without resorting to gibberish rage posts,strawman arguments, or extreme stupidity (I'm not sure what the more technical name for what xbrit said is, although I know there is one)
I did however invoke Godwin's law (against myself :lol:), but no one is perfect
really, well that is your opinion. we on the other hand see the gibberish anti military posts that you make.
semp
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Best advice ever eagl. :aok
Are you a lawyer, or has something like this happend in your past, or just..mayhaps things that have happend to your buddys while serving?
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Best advice ever eagl. :aok
Are you a lawyer, or has something like this happend in your past, or just..mayhaps things that have happend to your buddys while serving?
I was wondering the same...cause that is a straight out, hardcore answer given hahaha
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really, well that is your opinion. we on the other hand see the gibberish anti military posts that you make.
semp
Quote or link some of my 'gibberish anti military posts' that you see in this thread then, alchy
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Quote or link some of my 'gibberish anti military posts' that you see in this thread then, alchy
i'd probably feel like it was a really dumb idea to join the military
semp
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that post makes perfect sense, and it isn't even slightly anti military
it's just a sad truth that some people have to make a choice between family and country, and in this case not choosing his family turned out badly for the guy :( maybe he didn't even get a choice between the two ,and his chosen career automatically dictated that he would have to leave them behind for long lonely months
you could argue that his choice of woman is more to blame, but if he had been at home then at least his kid wouldn't be calling another man Daddy ;/
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Ah diddly you coombz, does this bbs have a ignore feature, i honestly dont care to see anything more posted from this.....person.
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Yes the BBS does have an ignore function, for people like you to use when simply insulting someone doesn't have the desired effect
:rofl
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(http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x132/xbrit58/high-horse_zps8371d457.jpg) (http://s187.photobucket.com/user/xbrit58/media/high-horse_zps8371d457.jpg.html)
We got the ladder next to your high horse so that you can join the real world sometime.
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(http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x132/xbrit58/high-horse_zps8371d457.jpg) (http://s187.photobucket.com/user/xbrit58/media/high-horse_zps8371d457.jpg.html)
We got the ladder next to your high horse so that you can join the real world sometime.
How nice ;] I've got the headgear for you to wear while you sit unnoticed and forgotten in the corner as the rest of the world moves on without you
(http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium/dunce-cap-emily-kelley.jpg)
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I then I would feel I had made a very bad choice.
You've stated this twice, and I think the implication here IS a shot at the military in some indirect way. Nevertheless and regardless of what your intention is, why are saying this guy should feel shame? Didn't realize that's what you did? Think about it, you've said that if it were you, then you would be blaming yourself for making a bad choice.
SORRY, THE ONLY BAD CHOICE(S) HAVE BEEN THE WIFE'S and potentially another folk. There are occupations all around the world that require significant time away from marital partner, you don't hear a story like this about every one of them or few would ever work those jobs.
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You've stated this twice, and I think the implication here IS a shot at the military in some indirect way. Nevertheless and regardless of what your intention is, why are saying this guy should feel shame? Didn't realize that's what you did? Think about it, you've said that if it were you, then you would be blaming yourself for making a bad choice.
SORRY, THE ONLY BAD CHOICE(S) HAVE BEEN THE WIFE'S and potentially another folk. There are occupations all around the world that require significant time away from marital partner, you don't hear a story like this about every one of them or few would ever work those jobs.
Well you raise an interesting point about shame. While I think the shame should firmly be upon the cheating partner, and not on the OP who has been poorly treated, I think that as a human being a sense of shame in this sort of circumstance is unavoidable, justified or not. I would feel ashamed if my wife cheated on me and my kid was calling another man Daddy, even if I hadn't been out of the country for a length of time. I think that's just part of human nature. Unfortunately. Because the guy didn't do anything wrong.
You are right that there are a lot of occupations around the world, other than military service, that mean you will be away from your family, and they all involve a choice - do you take that job, that opportunity, that career, knowing that you will be leaving your family behind...TRUSTING that they will be there for you same as always when you return. Or do you put family first and stick to them, feeling that they need you to be there, and that you need to be there for them, in order for your family to be strong.
Some families/partnerships can obviously survive long absences on one side or both...and some evidently can't. If I was in the situation of the original poster, I would feel that I had made the wrong decision not to stay with my family. And, as I said in an earlier post, maybe he didn't even get to make that decision...maybe he had no choice, as his career in the military dictated that he would have to leave them. Hence my first post in this thread.
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Hey! Title of most gibberish post goes to me! :old:
Back on topic, yes physical altercations aren't the answer to everything. Beating the hell out of someone may feel good, but the consequences of such an action are not enjoyable by any means. I know from first hand exsperiance. Court is not fun.
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Thank you gents for the responses.
I have not and will not do anything stupid. I have worked to hard to get to this point and given up to much as well.
I am trying to get transcripts from cell phone provider since my wife deleted all of her text this morning while I was at work.
I will see some counsel from the Navy's Sexual Assault experts next. I want to see if there was anything else going on other than inappropriate discussion going on.
I am still up in the air about the wife....we haven't been great but not bad either. Counseling was one option but I question her judgment regarding our children right now and that is what I am having a real hard time with.
Anyways, appreciate the responses....even yours coombz :lol
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:salute best of luck with it mate
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I think that having ties to home while in the military is a bad idea (other than direct family). While I applaud those who are willing to fight for their nation, putting your life at risk, and your marriage at risk while risking your child's entire upbringing (marriage ending or you dying) is not worth joining the military unless it is either your dream and chosen profession that your wife is totally supportive of, or there is a "Third World War" requiring every able bodied man and woman available to join the fight.
I think that the military is best done at the early point in life and done as a term of service, followed by a normal civilian life for the reasons above. A highly decorated soldier which we all know as Ronald Spears famously quoted.
"The only way to function as a soldier is to accept that you are already dead, only then can you function as a soldier should function"
or as Werner Voss and any wartime pilot said.
"One shouldn't have ties to the ground".
If you have a reason to live, stay at home unless you are absolutely needed.
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Best advice ever eagl. :aok
Are you a lawyer, or has something like this happend in your past, or just..mayhaps things that have happend to your buddys while serving?
No, but I stayed at a holiday inn express last night.
Actually, one of the local divorce lawyer groups has pretty informative ads on the radio, and I have a long commute so I hear them every once in a while. And its happened to a few people I know. And it isn't uncommon in the military so I've been exposed to the fallout before. And and and and...
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Side note: While America has certainly grown far beyond Washington's warning regarding foreign entangling alliances, our military is not the Roman Legions. Infact, it is better for America for our servicemembers to have ties to home. Every time "we the people" decide to deploy troops in harms way there needs to be pictures of families being torn. Could you imagine a military with no family? No ties to America and our social norms and values? We would truly have a military of mercenaries. I would fear this ungodly, souless military.
It's tough on all involved, to include my bro and sis in law, he being an E7, Green Beret/SF based at Ft Campbell. It's tough but if we aren't fighting for families what are we fighting for, some godless government state?
Families are key to our military.
Boo
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...I joined to get the hell away from mine :bolt:
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You guys really should stop feeding the troll. It only encourages it.
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Killnu, very sorry to hear this. My job takes me away from family too so I know trust plays a huge role in a marriage when you can't always be home. While most relationships don't break down due to one persons actions alone, cheating is absolutely the weakest, most cowardly way out of a relationship. Do the best you can to keep your emotions in check in what you do and say. :salute
P.S. - Self important trolls are the best kind to laugh at. WTG Coombz! :aok
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I'd be upset/disappointed/mad enough to:
Get a lawyer.
Get a restraining order to keep him away from your daughter and your property.
Get a restraining order / injunction freezing transfers in and out of financial accounts, preventing new accounts from being opened, or old ones being closed.
Consider legal action to preserve evidence, such as getting phone records, emails, and text messages. That info is all available even if "deleted", you may just need the right court order to preserve it.
Inventory all of your property, including "yours", "hers", and "ours". If anything is missing, file an immediate police report for theft.
Check your credit report and if you see anything unusual, file an immediate identity theft report. If she (or the new guy) did anything in your name without the right authority or power of attorney, get that reported as fraud or identity theft.
Remove all weapons from the house and store in a safe/legal place.
Seek advice from military legal counsel since mil pay/benefits may be affected if you don't do things right.
If you want to save the marriage, immediately seek counseling with the wife. If she won't go, hire the nastiest divorce lawyer you can find and ensure that you are able to participate in your daughter's life and don't get ripped off financially since it was her choice to jump ship.
If she gets confrontational, get out before it escalates because even if she assaults YOU and you just sit there taking a beating, when the cops show up you're still going to be the one going to jail, losing your firearms and military qualifications, losing access to your daughter, etc.
Step one, hiring a good lawyer, ought to lead to many of these steps if they're doing their job properly. You have every right to protect yourself and ensure you can participate in the lives of your children without getting financially ripped off.
QFT
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(http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x132/xbrit58/high-horse_zps8371d457.jpg) (http://s187.photobucket.com/user/xbrit58/media/high-horse_zps8371d457.jpg.html)
We got the ladder next to your high horse so that you can join the real world sometime.
Did you make that pic xbrit? if so I might have to borrow it cuz its hilarious :lol