Originally posted by LtMagee
Damnn even I dont remember that:( You guys keep records?
And what in the world did I miss with Kazoli? I always miss the juicy gosip stuff:(
I think I will go start watching "AS the World Turns" and "One Life to Live....maybe I will learn something!
Why yes we do keep records, in fact I have yours right here........... Your real name is not Bryan A-----, it's Byron Buttstone. You were not born in South Georgia , you were born in South London.
Your real parents Jagoff, and Unga , Buttstone were simple working class people.
Your mother's job was a pile driver operator at a local slaughter house. It is rumored that she could kill a full grown steer with one swipe of her hammer.
Your father Jagoff , painted designs on the inside of chamber pots. Legend has it. He was so skilled , he actually duplicated the Mona Lisa inside a chamber pot while it was being used.
For a while you lived a simple ,yet happy life ,with your parents. Then things took a turn for the worse when you entered nursey school. You cried non stop complaining the other babys bottles were better than yours. The staff at the nursey did everything they could to try and appease you, yet you were never happy.
Your biggest complaint was always the babies on the other side of the rooms bottles had better nipples with a higher rate of flow.
This meant they could drink twice as fast as you , crap before you did, and get to the best diapers first.
The final straw came when you snuck in just minutes before nap time , and swapped all the babies blankets around. In your haste you acciedently took two blankets for yourself. You may well have got away with it , but there was one baby with no blanket begining to cry. To hide your crime you stuffed the extra blanket inside your diaper. As the nurse searched for the blanket she noticed your bulbeous diaper. Thinking as usual you were just full of crap she ignored you. So you got away with your little crime for a short while.
As we have all learned about you, a small victory was just not enough. You needed to punish the rich blanketless baby by taunting him and waving his blanket over your head screaming "WHO"S UBER NOW BABY?".
The commotion alerted the nurse who came in and gave the extra blanket to the crying baby. Not knowing you had hid the blanket in your diaper , the baby happily rubbed his little face with it . Infecting his face with a bad case of your butt rash.
It took days for everyone to figure out exactly what happened. It so happened that the baby with the butt rash face was the son of the owner of the slaughter house.
Once the truth was out your mother was immediatly terminated from her job. People shunned your father refusing to buy his chamber pots , he ended up carving the little designs in bars of soap. After months your mother finnally found a job gutting eels , down at the local fish market. Things were never the same, they could never recapture their original success.
Times were hard, food ,and clothing, for you was always in short supply. So they ended up allowing a rich condom tester from South Georgia to adopt you.
Anything else you wanna know??
