Originally posted by Bodhi
Hello all, I am sure there are a few of you that would like to be on the giving end of me saying that, but, I doubt you are.
The story is this. I was leaving the Martini Bar via RumBay in Colorado Springs on the way back to my friends car and some guy (who was shielding his friend peeing in the alley) said, "hey stop looking at my friends dick" Mr not take any poop (me) said, "are you jealous?" The next thing I know I have a HUGE black guy in my face saying, "you're gonna touch my dick, honkey!" I was very adament about me not doing so until his little friend grabbed me and turned me while the big guy DRILLED me in the cheek...
I can say this. I got up, and staggered a bit... and very humbly said I would be touching no such thing and he could kill me trying. He said differently as my friend tried to keep him off my butt. The cops said differently, and I now have to goto court because I answered with a smart arse remark. Mind you, I now have a broken cheekbone. Damn, that boy hit hard....
Will keep you in the know of the proceeds, but am definitely gonna think twice about getting the last word in with a punk.
I suppose that realizing that trouble has found you isn't as easy to recognize after you've been drinking. Awareness is everything. However, nice guys like yourself don't think like the thugs. You're not looking for trouble and consequently, you are surprised when it comes looking for you. It's a shame that people like you can't have a fun evening without some insecure punks ruining their evening.
Tough-guy drunks can be found at any club or bar. Anyone out in the parking lot, not actually coming or going, is a prime suspect. My family owned several bars while I was growing up. I worked in most of them while in college, earning enough to keep my car insured and the gas tank filled while I attended classes during the day. You quickly learn who is going to be real trouble and who is just mouth running. You also learn how to handle both. The last time I worked in the family business it was at Smedley's, a medium-large club (250 person capacity) that was a favorite among local firefighters.
Some nights I would work the parking lot with the biggest bouncer, a 6'8", 280 pound monster named John. John's hair was shoulder length, pulled back in a ponytail and he maintained a very full beard. John was a kind, generous guy, but supremely fierce when the need should arise (however, as big as John was, I could never get him into the gym to work-out and spar with me). We were out there to handle trouble makers and run off possible vandals and under-age kids hanging out. When we discovered someone who wasn't coming or going they were invited to come in or to leave. We were always polite. Usually, the guys hanging out were polite as well. John's gigantic size would frighten most into compliance. A few would run their yaps, up until they came to the realization that such behavior would get them physically removed from the property, and likely arrested.
My rules for avoiding getting beat down in a bar or club are simple:
Anyone making an unsolicited nasty, deliberately intimidating comment is probably looking to start a fight. Either beat a hasty retreat, or if he is within reach, instantly crush his testicles or take out a knee. There is no middle ground, do one or the other and don't waste one millisecond thinking about it. DO NOT respond verbally. Either scram or take him out. Never argue, never discuss, never show any hesitation.
Size? Don't be intimidated by bulging shoulders and forearms. Strength is important if the guy can get his hands on you. You will not allow him to do so. In a brawl the only rule is: Disable your assailant as quickly as possible. Of course, most thugs don't drink alone, so if you choose the pre-emptive strike option, take advantage of the shock effect and get some distance between you and them before his friends realize what happened. If need be, find a weapon. If still in the bar or club, a pool cue wielded wisely can clear a room. Don't swing it like a bat, use it like a pike and shove the small end thru an attacker's face. A billiard ball bouncing off a forehead is effective. Those giant, square ashtrays will open a skull like a machette. Do whatever you must to buy enough time for the bouncers to intervene. Don't worry about the legal consequences, they'll be time enough for that later. Right now, staying alive is your only motivation. If outside of the club, you have different options, but you may also be on your own too.
A well managed club will not have many fights in the parking lot. A well managed club will have a crew working the parking lot for the sole purpose of preventing fights. Any large club that doesn't have parking lot security isn't worth patronizing. 90% of drinking related brawls occur in the parking lot. It's also a lot easier to ambush someone outside. When you leave the club, stand by the door and scan the lot for potential threats. Should you suspect anything is amiss, go back inside and ask a bouncer or security person to escort you to your car. Should something happen, now there's a least one more capable guy with you or you and your friend. If you can't get a bouncer, call 911 and let the cops clear the parking lot.
Limit your drinking. If you've had too much to drive, you've had way too much to defend yourself, or even be aware of a potential threat.
Talking about tough guys....
The toughest guy I have ever known, never started a fight. But, he finished them within 5 seconds. Fred B. was an amazing guy. 5'10" tall, about 150 pounds. The devil himself would cross the street to avoid Fred. I watched him smash a 1/2 gallon glass milk container on his brother's head during an argument over something minor. Fred's brother took a swing at him and woke up in the back seat of the family Ford with his head wrapped in a blood-soaked towel enroute to the ER. Well, at least Fred drove him to the hospital..
Going out drinking with Fred was like bringing Robocop along, or an especially vicious Doberman. You weren't likely to be harassed. But if you were, you could just sit back and watch the slaughter....
My regards,
Widewing
