Exactly the discussion I had with a bunch of folks during the lunch break at the shoot in Devon.
- ah, glad to see that you're referring to that county as Devon and not Devonshire!
How are the master beaters these days? Will you be coming over anytime soon?
Well now that Lazs and Toad have been honest, I have no need to argue with them any more. Each has said in essence that they want to have the guns they want, even if the Guns-4-All policy which enables that results in thousands of avoidable deaths each year. I’ve never said America should give up privately owned weapons, but have observed the disastrous consequences viz. homicides and accidental deaths in a G4A society.
If I were Mayor of Dixon, I would enact a city ordinance to control the right to buy firearms. People disqualified from owning guns would include the following.
- White van man/assorted trailer trash
- Anyone with tattoos or body piercing
- People who exhibit visible evidence of smoking – yellow moustache/fingers/teeth
- People who chew gum for more than 1 hour per day
- People who make a habit of using split infinitives, or putting a preposition at the end of a sentence
- Those who cannot pronounce “nothing” – instead, it comes out as “nutting” or “nuttn”.
- People who say “ain’t”
- People who drink beer (in a bar) from a bottle, instead of using a glass
- People who drink in “sports bars” watching “the game” on an enormous TV set, and become overexcited and noisy when their team is about to score
- People who don’t use a napkin at dinner
- People who eat while driving
- People with grubby fingernails, or evidence of participation in manual labour such as black deposits under the fingernails.
- People who drive cars with dents in the bodywork
- People who drive cars which have one body panel sprayed an entirely different colour from the rest of the car
- People who eat at Jack in the Box more than twice a week
- People with shaved heads who drive BMWs
- People who buy Harley Davidsons, as only an idiot would do that, and we don’t want idiots to have guns.
- People who think that English is the only language in the entire world
- People who think that the US$ is the only currency in the entire world.
- People who have not ventured out of their home state
- Anyone who refers to Britain’s capital as “London-England”, or France’s capital as “Paris-France”
Anyone who matches any of the criteria above should be barred from owning a gun of any kind. In fact they should be fined $10 if they try to apply for a permit for having the temerity even to think about it.
However, subject to the applicant not matching
any of the above criteria, I would allow that person to buy a gun not exceeding .22 calibre. But they could only have one box of ammo per month. This restriction would not apply if the applicant could show that he/she meets any of the
following criteria:
- holds a bank account
- has a checking account with an average balance of $2000
- has a credit card (MC/Visa) with a minimum credit limit of $4000
- lives at an apartment complex where there is a 24h doorman on duty provided the doorman wears a uniform which must include top hat, tails and white gloves)
The only applicants eligible to buy guns of .38 calibre and above would be Homeowners. They could have TWO boxes of ammo per month, but would be eligible to an allowance of FOUR boxes of ammo per month if they meet any of the following criteria:
- Drivers of German cars (except BMW drivers with shaved melons)
- Passport holders
- Holders of an American Express card
- People who visit a restaurant where the headwaiter knows them by name, provided the establishment has tables covered with white linen tablecloths.
Those people wishing to own .44 calibre and higher would have to be the owner occupiers of a detached residence with automatic electric gates.
Special dispensation for Lazs – he can have whatever he wants, including a belt fed machine gun and unlimited ammo.
