post your best joke

[ygsmilo]

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two:

One to hold the giraffe,

One to put brightly colored machine tools in the bath tub.

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Milo
3./JG2
"Horrido"

[Nash]

How many femenists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to screw it in then hurry the shreck up and make me a gawdamn sandwhich!

[Staga]

Friend did send this one today.

[Mattibaby80]

A man goes to Hell.  The devil says, "Hello, and welcome to Hell, hey do you like to drink?"

Man says, "Yes, I love to."

Devil says, "Great that's what we do every monday." "Hey do you like to smoke?"

Man says, "Yes."

Devil says, "Great thats Tuesday." "Do you like to gamble?"

Man says, "Yes, thats the reason why I'm down here."

Devil says, "Good that's what we do every Wednesday." "By any chance are you gay?"

Man replies, "No."

Devil says, "Well then you're going to hate Thursdays then."  

[Mattibaby80]

Two guys are sitting in a bar that happens to be on top of a 30 story building.  One guy turns to the other guy and says, "Hey, you know I heard that if you slam a beer, then jump out that window, you'll fall to about the 11th floor and the wind will push you back in."  Other guy says, "I don't believe you."  So the other man orders a beer, slams it down, and jumps out the window.  The other guy sitting at the bar can't believe this just happened so he runs to the window and watches the fool die.  30,29,.......,13,12,11, and suddenly, whoosh hes swept back into the building, and he rides the elevator back up.  The guy sitting in the bar can't believe his eyes, so he says to the jumper, "I want to see you do that again, I still can't believe it."  Jumper goes to the bar, orders a beer, slams it down, and jumps out the window again.  25,24,23,........,13,12,11 and WHOOSH, he's back into the building and takes the elevator up.  The guy sitting in the bar thinks, "Hey I can do this."  So he goes to the bar, orders a beer, slams it, and jumps out the window.  30,29,.........,13,12,11,........,3,2,1 and SPLAT!! he hits the ground.  The elevator opens and the jumper walks in and the bartender says, "You know Superman, you're an amazinhunk when your drunk."    
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, damn that one still cracks me up.

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Meine schwester hat keine kartoffel salat?  Du bist eine lustige bube!!

[rosco-]

 A woman comes home to find her husband in bed with another woman. In a fit of rage she grabs her hubby by the noodle, drags him down stairs to the garrage and clamps his thing in a vice and breaks the handle off.  Upon seeing is wife walking toward him, rage filled and carrying a hacksaw, the man cries "OH NO, YOUR NOT GOING TO CUT IT OFF ARE YOU?!!!! The woman reply's "why no, you are, im going to set the garage on fire"

[NUTTZ]

What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes?

NOTHING! you already told her twice.

NUTTZ

[Mathman]

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.  As he is enjoying his drink, a beautiful woman walks in, and she sits down at the bar.  After looking at her for a few minutes, the guy says to himself, "I gotta go and ask her something."

He sits next to her and says, "Can I smell your crotch?"

She is obviously disgusted by the question and tells him no.  He asks her forgiveness and says, "Please, let me buy you a drink and make it up to you.  I am sorry."  HE gets her a drink and they start to talk.

About 30-40 minutes go by and he says to himself, "Man, I gotta ask her again."

He says, "Can I smell your crotch?"

She gets agitated and replies, "NO!"

He begs her forgiveness, buys her another drink and they begin to talk again.

Another 30-40 minutes go by and the guy says to himself, "I have to ask her one last time..."

So he says, "Are you sure I can't smell your crotch?"

She says, "No, you can't smell my crotch!!!"

He says, "Oh, then it must be your feet."

[snafu]

Last year a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications.

He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the
documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity.

He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, PubNight 7.0 and Excuses 5.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even thought they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherinLaw Beta release.
Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0.:

   1.   A "Don't remind me again" button
   2.   Minimize button
   3.   An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources.
   4.   An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system hardware feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0.
You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of.

Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the 1/0 port.
You'd think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.


********** Bug Warning **********

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.                  

Then Mistress 1. 1. will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.


********** Bug Work-Arounds **********

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0.

Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.


********** Upgrade Version **********

Although advertised as being Plug'n'Play, installing the Upgrade version of Wife 1.0 results in several of the better features of Girlfriend 1.0 refusing to continue working.

The supposed compatibility with Fast-Car 3.6 & Ski-Holiday 6.2 is also flawed, and launching these applications results in strange noises and error messages.

Wife 1.0 also appears to be totally incompatible with all previous versions
of BESTMATE, and some users have reported that continued use of BESTMATE can lead to unwanted sharing of resources and I/0 ports unless the System Agent is installed as a background task.


********** Summary **********

It appears that Girlfriend 1.0 is still one of the best products on the market, especially just after installation. Though not as much fun as CASUALSHAG 63.8 for the power user, it remains relatively reliable and easy on system resources.

The time-out feature of Girlfriend is the major problem, and in severe cases can force the user to upgrade to Wife 1.0 with dire consequences on system health.

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  snafus Homepage

 

[This message has been edited by snafu (edited 11-24-2000).]

[straffo]

It's about 2 guys in the Goulag after the meal :
The optimist : "We are about eat toejam !"

The pessimist : "they won't be enough for all of us..."