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Author Topic: Norris'ism  (Read 6581 times)

Offline fbWldcat

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #90 on: August 03, 2010, 10:02:24 AM »
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Quote from: Shuffler on April 07, 2011, 10:37:33 AM
Landing is overrated.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I: I took the one less traveled by." - Robert Frost
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Offline grizz441

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #91 on: August 03, 2010, 11:20:12 AM »
Quote from: AKKuya on August 02, 2010, 06:15:45 PM
9) The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

 :lol
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Offline Killer91

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #92 on: August 03, 2010, 11:25:48 AM »
Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris
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Quote from: Tyrannis on March 21, 2011, 08:26:29 AM
someone named pervert is thanking someone named badboy for a enjoyable night?

Offline Jack16

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #93 on: August 03, 2010, 11:38:21 AM »
Chuck Norris counted to infinity....... twice.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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Offline wojo71

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #94 on: August 10, 2010, 12:33:45 PM »
“Sharks Have a week dedicated to him.”
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Offline grizz441

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #95 on: August 10, 2010, 12:36:53 PM »
The Top Ten Facts on the official facts website (which admitedly i have to generally agree with as I have followed these jokes since their creation):

01 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Honorable Mentions:

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, Chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2010, 12:40:41 PM by grizz441 »
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Offline fbWldcat

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #96 on: August 10, 2010, 01:11:56 PM »
The reason Chuck Norris is not in "The Expendables" is because it wouldn't be much of a movie if all the actors got roundhouse kicked in the first 10 seconds.
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Quote from: Shuffler on April 07, 2011, 10:37:33 AM
Landing is overrated.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I: I took the one less traveled by." - Robert Frost
"Uncommon valor was a common virtue." <S>

Offline tmetal

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #97 on: August 10, 2010, 02:23:46 PM »
If forum moderator tried to ban hammer a post from Chuck Norris the internet would melt.
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Offline BMathis

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #98 on: August 10, 2010, 02:34:09 PM »
Quote from: fbWldcat on August 10, 2010, 01:11:56 PM
The reason Chuck Norris is not in "The Expendables" is because it wouldn't be much of a movie if all the actors got roundhouse kicked in the first 10 seconds.

Nice one  :lol
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Offline fbWldcat

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #99 on: August 10, 2010, 04:02:15 PM »
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Quote from: Shuffler on April 07, 2011, 10:37:33 AM
Landing is overrated.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I: I took the one less traveled by." - Robert Frost
"Uncommon valor was a common virtue." <S>

Offline Plazus

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #100 on: August 10, 2010, 07:19:56 PM »
The reason they dont film 3D Chuck Norris movies: Because whenever Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bad guy, his foot would pop out of the movie screen and kill the audience.
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Offline Killer91

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #101 on: August 10, 2010, 07:39:10 PM »
Quote from: Plazus on August 10, 2010, 07:19:56 PM
The reason they dont film 3D Chuck Norris movies: Because whenever Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bad guy, his foot would pop out of the movie screen and kill the audience.

 :rofl  :rofl  :rofl
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Quote from: Tyrannis on March 21, 2011, 08:26:29 AM
someone named pervert is thanking someone named badboy for a enjoyable night?

Offline Pigslilspaz

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #102 on: August 10, 2010, 08:23:27 PM »
Chuck Norris once went against Lance Armstrong in a who had more testicles contest. Chuck Norris won by five.
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Offline ink

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #103 on: August 11, 2010, 02:41:30 PM »
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Offline cactuskooler

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Re: Norris'ism
« Reply #104 on: August 11, 2010, 02:48:18 PM »
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