Here's something to try
A Marine pilot wrote this and posted it to the MOL mail list. He's also a squaddie
So if you REALLY want a realistic time in AH try this first before you bemoan the constant furball in the MA. If you can do this while flying in the MA............YOU DA MAN!!!!!!!!
LLB OUT!!!!! look below.......
Gentlemen,
If you're interested in a simulation of the combat flight environment, you would
be much better off by buying yourself a surplus flight helmet and mask
(preferably one that doesn't fit perfectly and has been puked into), a sun lamp
(to get your head nice and toasty), and a pair of Nomex/leather flight gloves
(soak `em with sweat/oil/hydraulic fluid for that crisp but slick feel).
Put your monitor a little above coffee table height. Get about 4-5 of those
concrete slabs you see at the garden section of your local K-Mart, top'em with
the thinnest cheap cushion you can find. (That's your "ejection seat"). Wipe the
mask out with denatured alcohol (smells nice), and clamp a rag soaked in JP-4 or
kerosene on the end of the oxygen hose, and strap that puppy on 'till it leaves
a ring on your face that lasts for hours. (You do this 'cuz when your face is
sweaty and you're pulling G's, the mask will be on your chin if it isn't on
TIGHT.) Turn the sun lamp on and point it at your head.
Now you're doing it like the big boys! Optional "realism" techniques:
Buy some heavy duty nylon webbing (the kind you use to repair old-fashioned lawn
chairs with). Cut two straps of this and wrap them between your legs TIGHTLY
until they leave bruises on your butt (that's your `chute harness).
Play when you've got a BAD hangover. (Rough night at the O Club.)
Have your ex-wife/girl friend/idiot neighbor pester you with questions out of
the Owner's Manual (your pretend "Dash One") while you're trying to fly (can you
say; Check Ride!) Get up and play at 3:30 AM (otherwise known as "zero-dark
thirty"). Make a cheese sandwich, wrap it in waxed paper. Stick it in a shoe box
with a half-pint of milk, a bruised apple, a crushed bag of Fritos, and an
onion. Put it in the fridge overnight, then take it out, throw out the onion,
put the box under the sunlamp while you're flying, and eat when you're hungry.
(USN Box lunch.)
With some imagination and very little cash outlay, you can do a hell of a job
simulating what it's like to fly. That other toejam (side consoles, switches,
speakers, etc.) is strictly for show, and doesn't do anything towards giving you
that "There I wuz" feeling.
