OK WHO HAS A GOOD STORY?

[rvflyer]

There once was a girl from Anheuser who said no man had used her, but Oly found a Schlitz in her pants and now she is sad Budweiser.

[Threeup]

It was a dark and stormy night. There was evil afoot and there was a feeling in the air that this was going to be a special night. One to remember. One to savour. A night like no other. A night that would become the stuff of folklore and legend. This was to be “His Night”.

We were coming under heavy fire and an attack was under way. The darbar was thick and red, like a hookers lips who had spent a little too much time at the Maybelline counter using the free samples before she started her shift. Our fields were flashing one after the other. The Rookland map appeared as though a house siege with patrol cars flashing red. Danger was imminent. Real and palpable.

Most players checked their kill/death ratio and decided against entering the fray. There was score, rank and perceived prestige at stake. So they quickly took up GV’s so they could waste time accumulating kills and become, tank legends. They didn’t care that the game was called Aces High which has no relevance to GV’s at all. Much better to live in a cartoon tank than die in a cartoon plane.

Country channel pleaded for someone, anyone to halt the slaughter. It is said “cometh the hour, cometh the Man” and after 400 hours logged in a Jeep at the edge of the map the One answered the call. No-one had heard him speak or do anything for that matter, but he cashed in his perks and took up a lone 262 to the battlefield.

He cut through the enemy like a woman cuts through logic. His jet engines roared like a bulimic in a bathroom throwing up a Big Mac. His aggression made John Wayne look like Mother Theresa. Tracers flew more frequently than accusations of cowardice in a cartoon flying game. Racking up kill after kill after kill. Union Carbide in India complained about his lack of Humanity.

200 rang with claim and counterclaim. Pilots had their tailplanes shot off and still complained about HOing. The mods extended their ban parameters to any 2 letter word typed. How dare anyone type anything! How dare players have an opinion!

When the One landed with 200 kills (it used to be 500, but because of some reverse miracle certainly not associated with people running from fights to ack the numbers shrank) a collective gasp was heard. He had used his 4,000,000 hours online doing nothing but had gathered skills and abilities that had no peer.

And CYBRO attained the status of legend.

Oh! Did the story have to be true?

[MADe]

There once was a man from nantucket...

....who always kept his donut in a bucket.......

[ONTOS]

Hickery, dickery, doc
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one, and the other two got away with minor injuries.

[ONTOS]

Once there was an island with a mountain at one end. The island was inhabited by people called Trids. On top of the mountain lived a giant. Every day the Trids would climb the mountain only to kicked down the mountain by the giant. One day a Rabbi came to the island and the story of the giant kicking the Trids off the mountain was told to the Rabbi. He said he would climb the mountain with the Trids and so they started up. As usual, the giant started kicking the Trids, but did not kick the Rabbi. The Rabbi ask the giant why he did not kick him off the mountain, The giant replied. "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids".

[Tumor]

Hemingway, or someone like him, famously responded to a challenge to write a six-word novel with something like this:  "For Sale:  Baby Shoes.  Never worn."

So along those lines we located a two-sentence horror story site (I do not pretend authorship).  This was my favorite:

"I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, 'Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.'  I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, 'Daddy, there's someone on my bed.'"

- oldman

haha... THAT is GOOD!

[Mister Fork]

This is how my wife sees me playing Aces High..from 2009...
-----------------------------------------
Last night while I was flying, my wife came over to see what the commotion was about - the screen was looking like I was flying through a black fog bank with loud sounds of flak impacts and the odd crash of something breaking.  We had an interesting conversation that sounded like a Gilmore Girls episode.

"What's all those black little clouds?" she asked

"Black death - flak"

"You know, that plane was probably flown by 19-20 year olds who were scared out of their wits."

"Japs"

"Fine, Japanese boys. Is the terror any different?"

"It's all about immersion"

I hopped into the bomb site to re-calibrate before my drop.

"What's this?"

"bombsite" (calibrating)

"are those the carriers?"

"Yep"   At this point, my lead bomber explodes (it must of been on fire) and I'm suddenly in the next plane.  You can see my former lead plane exploding with wing parts and other debris raining on the other planes in formation with loud bangs from the impacts.

"Did you just blow up?"

"My lead bomber did"  - back into the bombsight..  Background is just crazy as the plane is being shaken like a toddler with a bug in a jar.  I'm trying to calibrate but I just can't get a view because of the flak.  I decide to change tactics and hop back into the pilot seat.

"Why are you diving?"

"Change of plans."

"Are you commiewazine..um... what do you call it?"

"Kamikaze - maybe. I can't get a clear shot to calibrate my bombsite. So we're now dive bombing."

Now all the ships in the CV group have opened up their lazer cannons on me, suddently, my right bomber explodes, in the message bar, states 1Duke1 shot me down for the 'second' time.  Ruh roh - dukie's in the 5 inch.  The first was no flak death.  I should of been paying closer attention to the message bar

"Crap"

"What?"

"Dukes in the 5 inch."

"Who?"

"Duke" - I hear a loud smack from another 5" impact and switch to external view with the typical parts flying off sound

"your plane is missing part of your tail"

"I know" another smack and I bring up the damage list

"a lof of your systems are red. Is that bad?"

"Yes"

"Is this a now a Kamakzie dive?"

"Yes"

"Are those young boys in your plane going to die?"

"What?" - now I'm in a full fledged non-stop dive.  I can hear the wings creaking.

"You know, the japanese boys flying your bomber?  Oh, there goes a wing"

"I know"

"You're plane is falling apart"

"I know" - another smack from the 5".

"your plane is on fire"

"I know" - I'm off target and I know that I'm never going to hit with around 1500 feet left. I decide to eject

"Did you get thrown out of your plane?"

"No, I ejected"

"Like that?"

"Like that."

"Wow, that ship is big."

"Its an aircraft carrier."

"The one you were trying to bomb?"

"The one"

"So what do you do now?"

"Swim for home." - I land in the water

"You're funny.  This game is boring.  Oh look, is the carrier going to run you over?"

"Yep"

"I'm off to read a book.  Enjoy the carrier being imprinted on your forehead"



Isn't this game AWESOME when our better half's nag us while we play?   

[Bizman]

What's the recipe of a good story? Social class intercourse, big emotions, dramatic turns and a hint of religiousness? Like this:

Oh Lord, sighed the Senator's wife, after all these years I'm finally pregnant but I can't tell if the father is the gardener or the mailman, let alone my beloved husband...

[Zoney]

I had been road racing motorcycles a couple of years when I decided that to continue winning I would have to up my game because the competition was getting better.

I grabbed the rule book and studied it.  Not read it, studied it.

I found this :  The race is considered started at the first movement of the Starter's arm that is throwing the flag.

The next time at the track there were a few races to run before they got to the one I was in.  I went out to the Starters's box so I could get a view of the start standing nearly next to the guy gridded in row one place one and studied the starter.

My race is up so I take my warm up lap and grid in row 1 place 1, (because that's how we did it, I was leading the series so I got first choice).  The green flag is thrown and I'm 4 bike lengths away before anyone else even moves.  I race 4 more times that day. 4 more lead position starts going into turn one.  4 more wins.

A month later we are back at the track, first race I am in, nail the start leave everyone else sitting and win the race.

I am protested by a consortium of my fellow races for jumping the start.  They are not happy and they do not understand why I haven't been black flagged for jumping the start.  They have filmed it.  The film clearly shows me going away first, easily a half second before anyone else.  The film is reviewed by the race officials, track workers are interviewed and voice their opinion and I'm called into the office.

They roll the film and we watch.  The race director says, "Rick, your starts are too perfect and maybe you are just a bit too early.  It's close but we think you are jumping the start.  Can you explain yourself?"

I reply, "Roll the film again.....you see how the starter moves his elbow before he moves the flag?  That's when I go, as soon as that elbow twitches".  I pull out the rule book and show them the "The race is considered started at the first movement.....".  The race director has this huge grin on his face.  I tell him, "I've been forthcoming and honest with you Randy and I would appreciate if you would not give my secret up.  I know that may be difficult."  He grinned even bigger, "Oh no, there is no way that I would let your technique out, I can not wait for the whines about this."

I kept that secret for 10 more years.  I finally told my best friend who had been racing with me as a teammate for a long time.  I only told him because he raced in different classes than I.

I won over 100 races before I retired.  Without that edge I would have won less.  Even if you are a "fast guy", getting a poor start means you have to get around slower guys before the fast guys get to far away to catch and pass.

My rivals were always convinced that the race officials played favorites.

[MrKrabs]

Do we all know the story of why we don't feed Sudz carpaccio?

[jimbo71]

Do we all know the story of why we don't feed Sudz carpaccio?

Most know the carpaccio = raw beef...

Very few know the dark underlying story of how Sudz bit it directly off a live cow 

[100Coogn]

This is how my wife sees me playing Aces High..from 2009...

I laughed tears...   

Coogan

[NatCigg]

fork, good story.  zoney u 2. three up, nice sentence "He cut through the enemy like a woman cuts through logic.". 

[guncrasher]

Most know the carpaccio = raw beef...

Very few know the dark underlying story of how Sudz bit it directly off a live cow 

I would rather hear it directly from the cow's mouth.  but since she's not around anymore, how about somebody from the inside?  and by inside I mean from the office.


semp

[jimbo71]

I would rather hear it directly from the cow's mouth.  but since she's not around anymore, how about somebody from the inside?  and by inside I mean from the office.


semp

"I can get a good look at a steak by sticking my head up a bull's arse, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it"

- Chris Farley
Tommy Boy