Author Topic: Abominations 'r us...  (Read 1892 times)

Offline Seagoon

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Abominations 'r us...
« on: June 26, 2005, 10:37:32 PM »
Hi All,

Preached this morning on Christ purging the temple of the "Den of Thieves" in Luke 19:45-48. I was reminded, as I did so of the many hideous "jesus junk" catalogs I receive every month at our church and the following email I wrote to some other ministers last winter. Thought some of you might enjoy it (ok, so its minister to minister humor, I hope it translates) -

I've been having a rather difficult week, so it was quite a blessing to finally receive the Christmas edition of the "Oriental Trading Company's Celebration of Faith Catalog"

Here are some of the items that gave me a particularly warm and fuzzy feeling:

Amongst the items you can get branded with the "Jesus Loves You Snow Much" slogan (with a snowman holding a heart):

*Jesus Loves You Snow Much Punch Balls
*Jesus Loves You Snow Much Angels Votive Holder (4 Snowman Angels surround a votive candle like the witches from MacBeth - except with crazed smiles and no useful information about future events)
*Jesus Loves You Snow Much Kickballs

Items you can get branded with the "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS" slogan
*"Happy Birthday Jesus!" Slap Bracelets
*"Happy Birthday Jesus!" Religious Holiday Party Bag (complete with *"Happy Birthday Jesus" Paddleball so you celebrate Xmas by teaching the kids to whack a second commandment violation "baby jesus" repeatedly in the head. BTW- "Religious Holiday"? What is this a public school?)

Items you can get branded with the (my favorite) "Snowflakes are Angel Kisses" slogan

* New! Glitter "Snowflakes are Angel Kisses" Tattoos (I'm still waiting for the "Snowflakes" body piercing kit)

Items you can get branded with the "Jesus is Deer to Me" slogan (with deer holding heart)
* Foam "Jesus is Deer to Me!" Visors (complete with foam antlers - great for serious witnessing)
 
One of my favorites: "Believe" Blocks (each is a letter with part of a twee nativity scene) the caveat is what I particularly enjoyed: Simple Assembly Required (Imagine all the poor shleps who didn't read that and now have "BEEVILE" on their mantle)

Miscellaneous Twee Abominations:
* New! Plush Bean Bag Bears with Religious Candy Cane (Ok, Spot the Irony: each one comes with card with "The meaning of the Candy Cane" story printed on it - here are the last two lines - "...the color red represents the blood Jesus shed for us. Made in China")

* Felt "Jesus Warms My Heart" Gingerbread Man Sucker Covers (I thought these go over the head of anyone who buys from the catalog, but they are apparently for lollipops)

* New! Foam "Jesus Warms My Heart" Dart Board (you win by hitting the heart in the center - now there's a sermon illustration for you)

* [Think about this one] Paper "Jesus is the Reason for the Season!" Goody Bags (no, really...)

* Felt Mary, Joseph, and Jesus Snowmen (also available in ornament size - well I guess the black or white portrayal issue is moot now...)

* Plastic Cross Bubble Bottles (almost as good as the Plastic Cross light-up "Jesus Lights the Way" Glitter wands and or Plastic Cross Religious Spinning Lights - which I'm guessing would make your kids look like a cross between Luke Skywalker and the Pope - either way the sacrifice on Calvary is front and center with these...)

* Plush Velour Rainbow Faith Bears - QUOTE: "Each bear includes an explanation of the colors of the rainbow" (ah yes, the rainbow color explanation from 2nd Hezekiah, always a favorite in my house...)

Ho, Ho, Ho, No,

Seagoon

Off to bed...
SEAGOON aka Pastor Andy Webb
"We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion... Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." - John Adams

Offline Hangtime

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2005, 12:40:31 AM »
Henh. I'm often amazed by folks who are pastors, ministers, priests, shamans or rabbi's getting annoyed at another business making money peddeling Jesus. Idolators? I think not. Organized religion is the oldest, largest, least prductive industry in history..

So, If I may be so bold as to inquire.. how much was on the collection plate Sunday, pastor?

Please understand.. I'm not questioning your faith, or quality as a human being.. I am questioning your seeming inability to allow others to pursue their lives or professions as they see fit. It's my belief that Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. It follows in my world that all other sins are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful--just stupid.) Which leads me to politely ask.. what are your motives when you question the rights of 'idolators' to share in the profits of the holy 'franchise'?

You, sir; may safely preach your bit against the abominators in your church.. but here, in this place, you are not in your church... we are not your brethern, we have not asked to be harangued here for the percived sins of others who challenge the primacy of your faith by being so bold as to profit by it's dissemination without a cut for the formal church elders.

It is true, the profession of 'Pastor' has many advantages. It offers high status with a safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in taking up a collection to pay his salary; it causes one to suspect that the preacher is on the moral level of any other con man... including the 'abominators'.

But I imagine it is lovely work if you can stomach it.

It is also a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics. The danger is real.

Balance.. and respect in all things. I do not object to the preachings of any man's religious beliefs in the privacy of his church.. but when I see an agent of the church (any church) publicly attempt to cast upon any 'competitor' the mantle of 'abominator' my hackles tend to rise.. there's belivers enuff out there for all of you... cast not your eye upon another groups ways and means lest your own be called to account.
The price of Freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle, anywhere, any time and with utter recklessness...

...at home, or abroad.

Offline Dinger

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2005, 01:17:50 AM »
Quote


It is also a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics. The danger is real.


As an historian, I'll say that it certainly is a truism, that is, something that seems true but isn't.

As someone who's not particularly religious (my father's an unbaptised Catholic, and that's about as close to believing as my family gets), that kind of tasteless glurge is an abomination unto God, even if He doesn't exist. In the halls of abominations, it's right up there with Christian Rock and the Slaughter of the Innocents. As for pastors, and their vocation, I'd suggest what they do outside of Sunday in the church is of far greater value to their congregation and to society as a whole. Sure, there are charlatans, and tricksters, and to people raised in a society where most things can be had via a monetary transaction, of course there will be folks who will claim to offer spiritual well being/salvation/whatever for a "modest fee", just as there are people who will pay that fee, and people who will claim that, in fact, that is what all professional religious do. But that doesn't change the fact that most pastors, priests, rabbis, imams, and other religious leaders spend their time overeducated, underpaid, working to what they see, and what usually is, the benefit of other human beings.

Frankly, I consider Civilization itself to be one of the largest, and most destructive forces in natural history.

Offline DREDIOCK

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2005, 01:30:28 AM »
Boy did this thread go downhill in a hurry.


Thanks Seagoon. Thought Im not what even the most liberal could really call religeous.
I actually got what you were getting at and was amused.
Death is no easy answer
For those who wish to know
Ask those who have been before you
What fate the future holds
It ain't pretty

Offline FUNKED1

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2005, 01:41:24 AM »
This is a legendary weekend for FDBs putting their feet in their mouths.

Offline Saintaw

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2005, 01:44:54 AM »
^^ ... and this is somehow unexpected? :D
Saw
Dirty, nasty furriner.

Offline Hangtime

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2005, 01:57:20 AM »
I got big feet. ;)

I saw the pastor's post diffrently than Drediock did apparently.. I've seen the Oriental Trading Co's catalogue before.. and while I agree it's tasteless, even funny in it's hideous skewed look of western comercialism implemented by some oriental marketing genius, I sure do object to the 'pot calling the kettle black' stance the pastor is seeming to take by impuning that it is a sin.

Or did I misinterpet the inference of religious blasphemy implied by the use of the word 'abomination' by a pastor of the cloth?

Pardon the mumbling.. my foots still stuck in my mouth..
The price of Freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle, anywhere, any time and with utter recklessness...

...at home, or abroad.

Offline SOB

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2005, 02:41:44 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by FUNKED1
This is a legendary weekend for FDBs putting their feet in their mouths.

Says the only chick member of the FDBs.  Put yer dress back on and get back in the kitchen where you belong, I need some wings!
Three Times One Minus One.  Dayum!

Offline Delirium

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2005, 03:23:00 AM »
I respect anyone's religion, provided they aren't strapping a bomb to their back. That said...

I consider all those 'Jesus Saves' and other novelty items people buy to be just like all those 'yellow ribbon' decals people are putting on their cars in alleged support of the troops.

Those 'yellow ribbon' decals are made in China and do nothing for our troops, they should instead donate the money to a charity to show thier support instead, like the USO for example.

Those religious items are exactly the same, useless for public display except for making the individual displaying them feel good themselves where they money would be best spent practicing their beliefs like feeding and caring for the poor.
Delirium
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Offline RTR

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2005, 09:09:43 AM »
Seagoon. Thanks for the chuckle. Now I gotta go switch the speeling on my mantle.:rofl

Cheers,
RTR
The Damned

Offline lazs2

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2005, 09:11:05 AM »
I respect everyones religion so long as it doesn't affect me.

lazs

Offline eskimo2

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2005, 10:37:47 AM »
Hang,
I saw Seagoon’s post more as a humorous observation than a criticism of religion based capitalism.  I mean, read the stuff on the list; its pure “gag me with Jesus smarm”.  I find it a relief that a preacher finds this stuff to be ridiculous.  No straight man, no matter how close to God, should be less than repulsed by this crap:




Come on, "Do You See What I See?" Silli-Goo. Mix the colors, bounce it, stretch it and pull it! Each with wiggle eyes. Assorted colors.

I don’t know whether to throw up or laugh first.



8 1/4" Plastic Light-Up "Jesus Lights The Way" Glitter Wands. Assorted colors. Requires two "AA" batteries, sold separately

eskimo

Offline Sandman

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2005, 10:42:19 AM »
If you like that stuff, you'll love this.
sand

Offline eskimo2

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2005, 10:46:24 AM »





16" "Smile! Jesus Loves You" Punch Balls. Assorted colors with rubber band handles.


7 1/2" Plastic "Clap For The Lord" Clappers. Assorted Neon Colors



eskimo

Offline Sandman

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Abominations 'r us...
« Reply #14 on: June 27, 2005, 10:49:07 AM »
Ya know... if they had a "Jesus Loves Me" beer cooler, that would be nice. :)
sand