Need an opinion dealing with a smoker...

[Thrawn]

Originally posted by megadud
when she isn't looking take her ciggarettes and flush them or throw them away, if she asks act innocent and say you don't know. give her lots of gum.

Ah, the old "Steal and then destroy the property from the benefactor that is letting you live in their home and then lie to them" ploy.  Cunning...but totally immoral.



Don't want to put up with it, exercise your freedom to leave.

[stantond]

Quite honestly,

I'd have to say that you should deal with it.  I don't think she will stop, even though she said that.  Also, and as an ex-smoker I know this... the smell doesn't bother them!  Really!  Ok, I'm not talking about no shower in four days trailer park cigar/cigarette smell, but the the odor of tobacco is not unpleasant to a smoker.  

Quitting smoking (for me) was quite an experience.  Even today, I still dabble with smoking a Peterson pipe (usually during stressfull times) and worry about getting 'sucked back in' to that addiction!  I remember dreaming about smoking five years after I quit and waking up distressed about starting again!  

There is a reason the saying exists 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks'.  Old dogs can learn new tricks, but only if they want to.


Regards,

Malta

[eagl]

majic,

Denial and justification for bad actions are clear signs of addiction.  Go ahead and justify it anyway you like, but you're an addict and that makes you unreliable.  Who can possibly really rely on you in a crisis if you're liable to have a nicotine withdrawl fit, fly into an unreasonable rage, or start shaking just because you haven't had your hit?

You're in denial, like all addicts.  Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

[Phaser11]

Well,
 I have been smoking most of my life.  I have quit many many times and start right back up again. If you start pushing the no smoking thing even if it is the right thing to do, you should start looking for a new girl now. If you piss mom off, girl friend will take her mothers side.
 Your girl friend taking her mothers side has nothing to do with smoking. Girls, women or what ever you call them, are just evil. THEY strive to control you. She might quit, but it will be part of a bigger plan to get you on the hook. You will know it is to late when you hear this. "He is such a caring person, he even helped me quit smoking".

 In my state there is no death penalty. I have been married for 26 years. If I had run her over with the car instead of marring her, I’d be on parole now.

Phaser11<--Lifetime member of the "He-man womens haters club".

[majic]

Originally posted by eagl
majic,

Denial and justification for bad actions are clear signs of addiction.  Go ahead and justify it anyway you like, but you're an addict and that makes you unreliable.  Who can possibly really rely on you in a crisis if you're liable to have a nicotine withdrawl fit, fly into an unreasonable rage, or start shaking just because you haven't had your hit?

You're in denial, like all addicts.  Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

Painting with an awfully wide brush there, huh?  I don't deny I'm adddicted to nicotine.  I routinely work long shifts without smoking.  I don't go into rages.  Just because someone (or more than one person) you know had these flaws does not mean every smoker does.

Heck, your description of an unreliable person who's likely to fly off the handle and could never handle a crisis reminded me of a guy who used to work for me.  Oddly enough, he wasn't a smoker, or a drug user.  He was just that way.

[Masherbrum]

Originally posted by eagl
Don't plan on being happy or secure when your welfare depends on consistent behavior from an addict of any type.  I suggest getting your own place to live.

I suppose we should all live in shells too?  Nut up.

Karaya

[Masherbrum]

Originally posted by ahgod69
Find a new GF, and one with a hot mom too boot.  

Or send her this way

ROTFLMMFAO!!!!  

Karaya

[Seraphim]

Originally posted by rpm
If smoking is a dealbreaker for you, hit the road.

She has the right to smoke if she wants to. It is unfair of you to try to make her quit just because you don't. Using excuses like "It makes me ill", "I'm allergic" or my personal passive aggressive favorite "It's for your health" are just cop out's used by control freaks.

If a smoker wants to stop, they will quit on their own. Forcing your opinions on smokers doesn't help, it alienates them. How would you like it if someone tried to force you to start smoking?

Either learn how to deal with it or find another girl. If you break up over smoking, there wasn't much there to begin with.

rpm did you read the original post? Funny how easy it is to 'just move out'. living in california and supporting a family makes it pretty much impossible nowadays. Rent for a 1 bed apt is at least $800 (and thats in a slum).

Funny how a post takes quick left turns

Seriously, we are taking steps to help this thing. No, Im not asking her to quit. Hopefully mostly to keep it outside. The health excuse may seem like a cop out, but her doctor strongly suggested she quit, and I believe she does want to. I think we are on the right path.

Edit:maybe I wasn't totally clear. It's her mom that's the smoker. My girl quit on her own some time ago.

[eagl]

Heh, a lot of twitchy responses from the smokers in here.  Been a while since your last fix?  Or does the truth about your life hurt that much?

There are plenty of honest smokers who acknowledge their addiction and what it's done to them...  They're the ones who aren't trying to justify their addictive behaviors or say that if their drug was withheld, they could be just as reliable as someone who isn't addicted "if they had to".  Yea right.  Both of my parents smoked and I work with a number of smokers.  And every one of them is a slave to the nicotine and turns into a raving lunatic when it's withheld.  Some can go hours without a hit, some start twitching and acting irrational in under an hour.  For some, the mere thought that they MIGHT not be able to get their fix is enough to cause them to drop everything and start a frantic search for a smoke.

I rely on them of course... I rely on them to act just like that if I ever had to count on them for anything.

Broad brush?  Yea.  99%.  I think in my entire life I've met ONE smoker / dipper who actually wasn't addicted.  One out of thousands.

Karaya, what's got yer panties in a bunch?  Suggesting that if a guy wants any respect, he needs to get a place to stay other than his girlfriend's Mom's house is such a bad idea?  Live on the dole, die on the dole.  My brother moved from CA to AZ so he didn't have to live with family.  At least he respects himself enough to make the tough decision instead of griping about his host's addiction.

[myelo]

Originally posted by rshubert
She (quietly, without any histrionics or drama) left the room every time I lit up.  

Wait a minute, is that common?

Hmmm, yellow fingernails, constant cough, loss of endurance, dying of cancer .... or ... a way to get the wife to leave me alone ....

I gotta think about this.

[Chairboy]

Originally posted by Seraphim
Edit:maybe I wasn't totally clear. It's her mom that's the smoker. My girl quit on her own some time ago.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHH!

I think I can safely say that pretty much everyone here assumed you said your girlfriend was the smoker.  I sure did.

If it's her mom, then you're screwed.  Time to start saving for that house/apartment of your own.

[2bighorn]

Originally posted by Seraphim
rpm did you read the original post? Funny how easy it is to 'just move out'. living in california and supporting a family makes it pretty much impossible nowadays. Rent for a 1 bed apt is at least $800 (and thats in a slum).

Why youngster always wanna have life which they can't afford right from the start? And what's wrong with 1 bedroom apt for a startup young couple?

Originally posted by Seraphim
Funny how a post takes quick left turns

Left or right turns, telling others what they should do in their OWN house is WRONG, unless they do something really really BAD and ILEGAL

Originally posted by Seraphim
Seriously, we are taking steps to help this thing. No, Im not asking her to quit. Hopefully mostly to keep it outside. The health excuse may seem like a cop out, but her doctor strongly suggested she quit, and I believe she does want to. I think we are on the right path.

You stated your main reason as:

Originally posted by Seraphim
However, my argument is the obvious stink (everyone thinks I smoke now) and also my gf's daughters clothes, the impression given to her school.

That is the real turn.

Honestly, if your gf and you can't afford to live on your own, then you shouldn't try yet, or move somewhere where you can. This country is BIG.

Smoking is not really an issue in this case but convenience

[Seraphim]

Originally posted by 2bighorn
Why youngster always wanna have life which they can't afford right from the start? And what's wrong with 1 bedroom apt for a startup young couple?
 Left or right turns, telling others what they should do in their OWN house is WRONG, unless they do something really really BAD and ILEGAL

 You stated your main reason as:
 That is the real turn.

Honestly, if your gf and you can't afford to live on your own, then you shouldn't try yet, or move somewhere where you can. This country is BIG.

Smoking is not really an issue in this case but convenience

sorry 2bighorn, but i think your a little mislead. first of all, both of us were born and raised here, which means most of our family is here. second, it may seem easy to you, but moving, finding a new job, and finding new work is far more complicated than resolving a smoking issue. We are adults, and are dealing with it like adults. Not running away from the first little problem that comes up. We and her mother are already working throught this, and I am NOT telling her what to do. There is no animosity between any of us, and even if we could move, it would be abondoning her mother to a house she cant afford alone.  I wonder so many people just jump up and have to say "well just leave". We are a family, problems that come up are resolved as a family. Not left alone and run away from.
I went to this BBS because ive seen many flyers here offer great advice, Im curious why when it comes to smoking (or any other habit for that matter) the solution is to run away. Excuse me, but I like to solve problems, not run away from them.

[LePaul]

I guess I'll ask the obvious:  Why did you move into your girlfriend's Mom's house?

Her house, her rules.  Asides some clever chants or voodoo, you're stuck.

[Seraphim]

Because we decided it would be best for all of us right now. My gf doesnt work, neither does her mom. We talked very much about it, and this was the best choice.