Author Topic: Aces High Magazine  (Read 3241 times)

Offline Scherf

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Aces High Magazine
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2005, 03:32:03 PM »
Harry Potter and the Buff Gunner of Doom.

Puffy Ack: Omniscient or just Psychic?

Pilot wounds - how I learned to love them.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2005, 03:34:37 PM by Scherf »
... missions were to be met by the commitment of alerted swarms of fighters, composed of Me 109's and Fw 190's, that were strategically based to protect industrial installations. The inferior capabilities of these fighters against the Mosquitoes made this a hopeless and uneconomical effort. 1.JD KTB

Offline Blooz

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« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2005, 04:34:45 PM »
Up, Turn and Die : Life of a Furballer

Porking for Beginners

Capped Fields...Friend or Foe?

Killshooter Anecdotes!
White 9
JG11 Sonderstaffel

"The 'F' in 'communism' stands for food."

Offline AKFokerFoder+

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Aces High Magazine
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2005, 05:00:44 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Guppy35
Another article that comes to mind after watching the text buffer last night in the MA.

"Birdo-My love affair with the Blue Knights."

also titled:  "I've lost my mittens!"


:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

That was pretty pathetic wasn't it? :)

Offline Murdr

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Aces High Magazine
« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2005, 05:20:59 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by BigR
"How to be an elite know it all who belittles everyone else for not playing the way they want you to"

Just shorten it up to "How to be an elite know it all who belittles everyone else" and staff expert Shane can write it.

Offline navajoboy

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« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2005, 05:43:03 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by AKFokerFoder+
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

That was pretty pathetic wasn't it? :)




FILM!
Stovpipe aka Navajo
Uknighted 357th FG - JG26
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http://www.uknightedstates.net

Offline Yippee38

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Aces High Magazine
« Reply #20 on: December 16, 2005, 06:28:33 PM »
I can contribute:

"How to fly the P-38 poorly"

"Shoot chutes:  a new pilot's guide"

"6 calls:  Make them or suffer hell's inferno"

Offline Hap

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« Reply #21 on: December 16, 2005, 06:30:13 PM »
funny :aok

Offline LYNX

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« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2005, 07:29:07 PM »
I wanna read the feature about  "Self Harm" the double account addiction.:rofl

Offline Dead Man Flying

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« Reply #23 on: December 16, 2005, 07:46:49 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by AKFokerFoder+
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

That was pretty pathetic wasn't it? :)


I'm still not sure how my plane managed to turn with Birdo and attempt to rope him while I was alt-tabbed out responding to some messages on the squad forum.  Remind me to stay away from whatever he was smoking.  :aok

-- Todd/Leviathn

Offline Grits

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« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2005, 07:53:12 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by DeadDuck
Yeah this needed to be resurected.

DD


I vaguely remember this...was it a scenario?




PS: QUACK!!

Offline Rino

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« Reply #25 on: December 16, 2005, 09:43:52 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by DeadDuck
Yeah this needed to be resurected.

DD


     True, much like the defecating airfields incident, shift can be a tricky
word to misspell :D
80th FS Headhunters
PHAN
Proud veteran of the Cola Wars

Offline mars01

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« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2005, 05:27:56 PM »
Quote
Up, Turn and Die : Life of a Furballer

You mean life of someone who has no clue how to furball.:lol :rofl

Offline Zazen13

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« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2005, 07:21:23 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by mars01
You mean life of someone who has no clue how to furball.:lol :rofl


Mars buddy, you know I love ya like a brother, but you haven't managed even 2+ kills per death or 1.5+ kill per sortie....ever....not once...I would hardly call you the Omnicient King of Furballing and Undisputed Critic of others who also enjoy furballing...Statistically you basically seem to dive in with some E, flail around for a bit as you spray, translate your energy into perhaps 1 kill on average before your inevitable demise in your fairly Uber Spitfire. Not exactly an inspiring resume from a self-professed Furball Master.

Zazen
Zazen PhD of Cherrypickology
Author of, "The Zen Art of Cherrypicking" and other related works.
Quote, "Cherrypicking is a state of mind & being, not only Art and Scienc

Offline Murdr

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« Reply #28 on: December 18, 2005, 09:45:51 AM »
I hope it has interesting interviews like this
Quote

This issue Moe interviews the self appointed "God of Spit Pilots," Manx. This interview took place in St. Paul, Minn., where Manx lives with his widowed mother. He is 39 years old, never been married, and is an unemployed security guard.

Moe : Manx lives in a modest yet neat house built in the 50s. An elderly, kind looking woman answered my ring and introduced herself as Bernice Thigmon, Manx's ( real name Squigmon) mother. She led the way to Manx's open door, where he was standing, peering intently at his monitor. I paused for a second, watching him stare at his DAR screen, and got my first look at this Air Warrior legend.
Manx is easily 6' 4" yet I doubt he weighs a buck thirty five. He was wearing white jean shorts that, in spite of their bagginess were TOO short, and a Bart Simpson t shirt. His head bowed towards the monitor screen accented his large Adams apple and lack of a chin. Combined with his thick glasses and greasy hair standing straight out he had the appearance of an anorexic turkey. His legs resembled golf clubs more than legs, and his skin was so pale it fairly shone. He noticed my presence with a start, and we began the interview.

Manx : Hi, you must be Moe. I am Manx, King of Spits, the greatest pilot in Air Warrior today.

Moe : Pleased to meet a legend, sir, and I'm doubly pleased to catch you while you're flying. Mind if I watch?

Manx : (Adams apple bobbing, looking uncomfortable) Well, I don't know... my team mates get pissed off if I help enemy pilots improve by watching me....but....(looks introspective) OK, I'll let you watch.

Moe : Manx, what do you owe your success to?

Manx : I have developed MANX'S 10 RULES OF FLYING. Follow these rules and you'll have great success...that, and I fly a Spit, which is like racing tricycles in a Cobra. You'd have to bee a real dweeb to lose. Watch and learn.

Moe : Thank you, Manx. I see you're at 35k 2 sectors away from the fight. What are you doing now?

Manx : I'm grabbing, studying the Situational Awareness to judge the right time to enter enemy territory. That is the first step to being a great pilot, and I am the greatest. (Stands tall, rubs one foot on the shin of his other leg as his Adams apple bobs rapidly, giving him the appearance of a weird bird doing an even weirder mating dance)

Moe : Well, when will that be?

Manx : When there are more friendly markers in that sector than enemy markers. MANX RULE 1 is "never enter a sector where there's more enemies than friendlies".. that's why I fly Azs. A huge numerical advantage works for my style of fighting.

Moe : Manx, your detractors say it's easier getting kills in a Spitfire, and that anyone can fly one, yet you proclaim your squad to be "elite spit pilots." Your response?

Manx : Yeah, I admit it's easier flying a Spit, but the trick with flying a Spitfire is to try to get multiple kills in o_ne. Why, I can get 3 kills a mission in o_ne. That's what makes me....truly elite.

Moe : I see. So your logic is that flying the easiest plane to fly makes you elite? Because you can get kills in o_ne?

Manx : Exactly.

Moe : The markers in the next sector indicate that there's more Azs than Bzs. Are you going to fight now?

Manx : Naw, I'll let them fight and use up their energy. MANX RULE 2 is "make sure your targets are busy" ..I never engage unless my target is fighting at least 3 of my teammates....(staring at monitor, Adams Apple bobbing) ...now I'll in...

Moe : (watches Manx cherry pick a nme A4 that was fighting 4 Azs) Uh....sheeesh, Manx, you stole that o_ne from your teammates.

Manx : KILL!!! (typing o_n Ch 1) A4 nice 1 o_n 1 fight you had alt but I am Manx and I am great so you died.

Moe : Uh...Manx, that guy was low and slow...and very busy...you didn't have alt..

Manx : He was a tough fight, co alt 1 o_n 1. Oh, look!!! A low Dora! And he's smoking bad! IN!!!

Moe : (watches as Manx shoots the crippled- and bingo- Dora) Damn, Manx, that was cold...

Manx : MANX RULE 3-"always shoot cripples" (typing o_n Ch 1) Dora nice fight you had alt but I am Manx and I am great so you died.

Moe : Sheeesh, Manx- you were 25k, man.

Manx : Yeah, right, so I took a chance. Oh, look! A buff!! Co- Alt! I'm grabbing!

Moe : You don't fight co alt buffs?

Manx : MANX RULE 4- "never expose yourself to enemy guns"-and buffs have gunners.

Moe : Hmm, I see. So you o_nly fight cripples, busy enemies, and ungunned buffs?

Manx : Yeah. MANX RULE 5- "never take chances".

Moe : What's that low dot over there?

Manx : It's a Goonie!! In!! (drops 25k, shoots the straight flying Goonie, begins typing o_n Ch 1) KILL 3 for Manx!! I am Manx, I am great! z0545, great fight. You had alt and you were warping, but I am Manx and I am great! Relog, please!

Moe : Uh..Manx, I never saw that drone warp...

Manx : MANX RULE 6- "always claim to be out altituted and out numbered".

Moe : Look, there's a team mate of yours fighting 2 enemies. Are you going to help?

Manx : (looking disgusted) See MANX RULE 5, Moe. Sheesh.

Moe : Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot.

Manx : (typing o_n Ch 1) Kill 4 for Manx, the greatest pilot EVER!!! PJ, nice fight you and your 4 friends had alt and were warping, but I am Manx and I am great!

Moe : Manx...you didn't just get anyone then...why are you claiming a kill?

Manx : MANX RULE 7- "promote yourself." Unless you remind everyone just how great you are, they'll forget.

Moe : I see. Do you fly anything but Spits?

Manx : Yes, I fly ponys, but o_nly if the Azs have a 5 to 1 pilot advantage.

Moe : Manx, look! There's a high dot coming!

Manx : (looking concerned) Oh- oh....its a high Dora...oooohhhh....(begins to shake visibly) oh man he's after me...(looks very scared, begins to sweat, Addams apple bobbing crazily) Nooo....(hops o_n o_ne foot) i don't wanna die...and I violated MANX RULE 8..."always have ack to run to"...(shaking so hard he can barely hold his joystick)

Moe : (watches the Dora start to close as Manx begins sobbing) Manx, he's closing fast!

Manx : (begins wetting pants) Oh please nooooooo...Don't shoot me...I am Manx....I am great.....(red screen flashes as Dora shoots Manx) NO!!!!! NO!!!!!! (typing o_n Ch 1) Dora, you had alt, you had buddies and you had luck! Duel me in that crate! C'mon coward! I am Manx! I am great! Let's duel! You warped! Your buddies jumped in! You're a cheater! I was bingo!

Moe : Manx, you're challanging him to DUEL you? in a Dora?

Manx : (still visibly shaken, Adams Apple bobbing as he sobs, wet spot o_n front of pants spreading) MANX RULE 9..."never go down gracefully-always call them cheating cowards."

Moe : Uh...I see.
(At this point Manx's mother joins us)

Ms. Thigmon: Squigmon, would you like some cookies and milk?

Manx : (looks embarrassed, begins squirming around in an effort to hide his wet pants) Gosh, Ma...

Ms. Thigmon: (noticing wet spot o_n Manx's pants) Squigmon, I see you forgot RULE 10 again...

Moe : Rule 10? What is that?

Ms. Thigmon: Always wear Depends while flying. That's MY rule.

Manx : Gosh, Ma...

And so, dear readers, as Manx had to change his wet pants and it was getting late I thanked them for the interview and for MANX'S 10 RULES OF FLYING. o_n my way to the airport in my rental Ford Pinto, though, I was struck by o_ne thought- In all the interviews I've conducted, with all the different pilots, there's always been something that's surprised me about each and every o_ne of them- except Manx. He is exactly as he acts o_n Air Warrior, he looks exactly like I thought he would, and his ego is nearly as large as his Adams Apple.
Moe

Offline mars01

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Aces High Magazine
« Reply #29 on: December 18, 2005, 11:46:48 AM »
Quote
Mars buddy, you know I love ya like a brother, but you haven't managed even 2+ kills per death or 1.5+ kill per sortie....ever....not once...I would hardly call you the Omnicient King of Furballing and Undisputed Critic of others who also enjoy furballing...Statistically you basically seem to dive in with some E, flail around for a bit as you spray, translate your energy into perhaps 1 kill on average before your inevitable demise in your fairly Uber Spitfire. Not exactly an inspiring resume from a self-professed Furball Master.

Zazen, Nice try but no cigar.  Find one post of mine where I proclaim to be any other master than a Master Bater! :D  Unlike you, I never did nor do proclaim to be one of the greats or care if people think I am or not.  I fly for the fights not the score.  When is the last time you fought a 2 or 3 Vs you and won.  Probably never.

I do not criticize others that like to furball.  I criticize those that talk about furballing yet have no clue what a furball is and have rarely if ever fought in one.  Anyone who describes furballing as "Up, Turn and Die : Life of a Furballer" has no clue about furballing.  Now it was probably in jest but, I couldn't help myself LOL.

"Statistically you basically seem to dive in with some E, flail around for a bit as you spray, translate your energy into perhaps 1 kill on average before your inevitable demise in your fairly Uber Spitfire. "

Man I love when you say things that are more telling about you and your style, then anything else.  "Statistically" LOLH yeah of course you would speak "Statistically", because "Statistically" favors guys like you, who have to have every advantage going before they decide to engage.

For starters, "Statistically"/score means nothing.  Until the score system stops rewarding Vulchers, Cherry Pickers and Timid Flyers it will always mean nothing.  

As I have told you many times before, I attack GVs, shoot ack etc while scoring as a fighter.  I fly into unsurmountable odds most of the time.  Unlike you, who flies high in the sky nestled in the Rook Horde, so as not to hurt your score.  

I fly to kill and know that those who have fought me will make up their mind as to the kind of skills I may possess (not that it matters to me what others think either way, IMO).  

Where as you fly to score, because you think it means something, so you can pretend that you are some great fighter.  You are the one constantly going on how great you are, how much skill you have blah, blah, blah.  What makes me laugh even more is when you go on about how you are a seasoned vet with mad skillz and have ten plus years in this game.  LOLH, having 10 plus years in this game and being as mediocre as you are, only exagerates my point.  I expect guys with 10 plus years to be at the Leviathan level not the "Cherry Picking, Safe Flying, Horde Hiding In" level.

Now lets talk Uber planes - Yes the spit is quite capable and 1 vs 1 not much of a challenge to be good in.  Now, consider flying into odds where you are routinely flying into 3 or more Vs 1.  Even the Uber Spit is a challenge.

No lets look at your selection:
Typhoon IB 174
Ostwind 161
Tempest 8
P-51D 8
F6F-5 4
P-47-D40 2

Gee, Is there any other planes more uber for Perch sitting and Cherry Picking than the Typhoon, Tempest or P51.  I think not.

Now yeah, I love ya like a brother but your still wrong. :aok :D

Now enough of this, it has warmed up enough to go preheat and fly the Pitts so [rant off] :D

BTW - since you are deathly afraid of the DA, when do you want to wing up?  We'll fly one night the way I fly, then we'll fly one night the way you fly (or visa versa) and see what's what.  You can even fly as one of your shade accounts so you don't defile your Zazen charade.