Mines usally starts with getting really angry and then p$$D off, then I start to get all nervous and really jumpy. my hands start to shake and I can't think coherently.
I got prescribed drugs to take on a regular basis, one that I have to take 3-4 times a day to keep myself calm, usually take one in the morning.lucnhtime and then dinnertime, then I got one that stops me from dreaming at nightime, I usually read a book first to settle down at nighttime and it kicks in and I'm good till the morning.
I had to take extra the other day, one of the idiots I work with was watching all these videos from Iraq on youtube or whatever it's called and getting kicks out of the explosions and death somehow, I got it real bad and had to leave and get home ASAP.
My wife is real understanding though, she now knows that my irrational behavoiur is caused by this, I think friends and family are real important too.
Some of the physical injuries I got can upset me too sometimes, I wish I could go and ride a bike like she does or go for long walks in the countryside, Kind of embarrising sometimes when you have 21 years old kids asking if you are ok going up stairs or down stairs and stuff like that.
It's like I can see them looking at me and saying to themselves " how can a 40 year old man, hobble around like that"
Or when I go into pyschical therapy and there's these hot chicks working in there looking at me like some basketcase.
AS a footnote, I thought about taking the easy way out by buying myself a rucksack and sleeping bag and then just hopping around on trains, that lookd real atractive a while back, nothing to worry about, just sleep under the stars like I used to do, but I never, I faced up to the pressure of having a house and a business and giving a *****, stuff like yardwork, counter tops in kitchens etc And now I try and live the best life I can and within my limits.
PS Any of you boys ever pushed someone out of your life relising that it's you and not them but done it anyway? I did that all the time, one ex wife, numerous girlfirends and some other friends too, I also fond out quickly that drinking and recalling stories is not a good mix when your feeling like you do sometimes.
Helicopters and snarling dogs seems to be my biggest triggers
