sooo.. how many of you guys...

[midnight Target]

Been with the current Mrs MT for 15 years or so, but we just got married last year. So I guess the answer would be yes, I'd marry again. Women seem to improve me, and they are nice to have around.

[eskimo2]

In my opinion it takes a few things to have a successful marriage:

* First of all, you must be marriage material yourself.  This means that you are: mature, a good communicator, fair and willing to compromise, emotionally stable/not mental, addiction free, non-violent, honest and naturally faithful.  You must also value and believe in marriage for life; you must be willing to work at it and make your marriage your highest priority.  The list could probably go on a bit more…

- If you are not fair, resort to violence or are mental, it will probably wreck any marriage no matter how good of a spouse you choose.

* Second, you must be able to recognize and value these qualities in a mate.  Love is not enough on its own.  The fact that someone might have some exceptional and outstanding qualities also is not enough on its own to guarantee a successful marriage.  

- If you choose someone who is an addict, poor communicator or is naturally unfaithful, it will probably wreck your marriage no matter how good of a spouse you are.

* Lastly, it does take a bit of luck.  None of us knows for sure that we or our mates will retain all of these qualities.  Marriage is a leap of faith; if you are smart about it, however, it can be an educated leap of faith.

[storch]

all you need to have in a successful marriage or any other successful relationship is to be mindful of the other person's needs and to treat that other person as you expect to be treated, better yet to treat that other as if that person were yourself.  it doesn't take long to figure anyone out, we all have tells.

if you have been through mulitple marriages you will probably find the problem in any mirror.

[eskimo2]

Originally posted by storch

if you have been through mulitple marriages you will probably find the problem in any mirror.

There are also many good people who would make a good spouse, but their fatal flaw when it comes to marriage is choosing the wrong person; someone who will surely wreck any marriage.

[Skuzzy]

Originally posted by storch
if you have been through mulitple marriages you will probably find the problem in any mirror.

As someone who is on his fourth marriage, I think I qualify to state this is pretty true.  If you put your faith in the wrong person, or marry to be happy, then you are doing it all wrong.  I did everything you could do wrong, but I learned as I went along.  I was not brought up in a healthy family environment.  That only taught me what I did not want.

Finally got it right though.

[republic]

Originally posted by Skuzzy
My Wife and I have been together for over 13 years and have never had a fight.  Never raised our voices to each other.

That is amazing!  

My wife and I found each other at 18, so we had several years of "growing up" before the arguments cooled down.  They were always over silly...almost embarrasingly silly things.

During the first few years, especially for the younger couples, learning to fight cleanly is very important, imo.  So many young couples today simply give up because things get rocky...

The older we get, the fewer "disagreements" we have but...no matter the disagreement...it's always over before we slip between the sheets.

There's nothing like the feeling that comes from knowing that your wife is on your side, standing with you, through heaven and hell....

[wrag]

Originally posted by storch
all you need to have in a successful marriage or any other successful relationship is to be mindful of the other person's needs and to treat that other person as you expect to be treated, better yet to treat that other as if that person were yourself.  it doesn't take long to figure anyone out, we all have tells.

if you have been through mulitple marriages you will probably find the problem in any mirror.

Disagree very much here!!!!!!!!!!

Some can SEEM like they will make it work.  They can SEEM like they will try, will make every effort.

Then not long after the papers are signed they change.

Gets hard to be mindful and respectful of the other when it is NOT returned toward yourself or the members of your part of the family.

If there is bagage from her previous relationship BEWARE!

She could be holding ALLOT in!  If she is really angery, she could decide that someone MUST pay for what was done to her.

It will probably be YOU!

You have never offered violence, always tried to talk calmly, made every effort to make it work.

You aren't a threat!  It's like she KNOWS you won't do anything to her (and she's right).  So she can safely take out all the emotional bagage she has and dump it on YOU.

You can even try a consultant/social worker/advisor/counsoler ..........

You can do EVERYTHING right and still LOSE!

[lazs2]

some of you are getting a tad defensive.  It was not meant to say what is better or worse...

I will note tho that very few would get married again for whatever reason... some would be relived and others simply say that they are lucky and would not get so lucky again.

I also note that the married people are doing things that they would never do if they were single...  sometimes this is good and sometimes bad...  I may have too much freedom if that is possible.. there is a theory that men need tempering... I don't buy it but...

Also..raising children.. it is best to stick together as long as the kids are being raised... after that it matters little... It is nice that my son can come to my house and we can enjoy the time doing things we enjoy without a mom in the way.

While he was being raised... it was better to get both views and to learn things I couldn't teach...he can cook... I can't for instance.

lazs

[storch]

Originally posted by eskimo2
There are also many good people who would make a good spouse, but their fatal flaw when it comes to marriage is choosing the wrong person; someone who will surely wreck any marriage.

very true.  I have an aquaintance who has been married once and was only married briefly before the marriage unravalled.  

he has not remarried since, furthermore he says he has remained celibate for better than twenty years.  during a wee hour heart to heart after much drinking he explained some of the ugly details of events that occurred during his brief marriage.  he blamed no one for the failure and I never knew his former wife.

I suggested that he try that eharmony.com thing at which time he told me he took the test and they politely refused to allow him into the data base.

while he seems like a decent, sociable person but who knows what he is really like to live with.  upon reflection I asked my wife and other ladies what they thought of this guy as partnership/love interest material and to a lady they made the turned up nose "that fish smells rotten" face.

you have to walk into a relationship with both eyes open, as I stated earlier people are pretty easy to figure out we all have tells.

[Dichotomy]

I don't think I could ever find someone like my current wife again so my answer is no I can say with almost 100% certainty that I would not remarry.


 callgirlsarecheapernayway

[Dux]

Originally posted by AWMac
... With age comes Maturity...

Not for everybody, unfortunately.

[WilldCrd]

Originally posted by Yeager
if I suddenly became single I would never enter into another contract that denied me all the fruits of the grove.  I man is a seedmaker and he needs all the fields he can get his plow into.

I man is a seedmaker and he needs all the fields he can get his plow into

In the top consideration for sig material!!!

[sax]

Originally posted by lazs2
some of you are getting a tad defensive.  It was not meant to say what is better or worse...
 

Fair to say that if any women , including my woman were to read some
of the more gooee stuf in this thread and compare it
to us guys that don't cry , lazs gets the blame .

[68ROX]

Originally posted by lazs2
Would get married again if your wife left you now?   Mav said I should start a topic on this rather than hijack.   It seem worth a thread..

How many of you watch chick flicks because you want to be with your wife at the movies and that is what she wants to watch?

How many of you listen to what your wife has to say on politics or let her affect your vote?

How much compromise in your life is because you are married?  

lazs

\



1)  Probably not.  


2)  Yes, watch chick flix with wife just to spend time with her.  We could be watching a sunset, talking on the deck, or hanging out on the couch for all I care.  Quality time ROX.  Lose quality time=slowly grow apart.

3)  She would never affect my vote, however I will listen to what she says on any subject because we both enjoy each others company and respect each others views.  She only knows what happens in the solace of the ballot box if I choose to tell her.

4)  Married life is FULL of compromise and sacrifice.  If I were single, I wouldn't have to compromise at all.  Of course I would have missed out on 24 pretty awesome years (with the same woman) and my high school sweetie.

Good luck dude!

Talk--be honest---then talk some more.

Be one of the ones who MAKE it last!

68ROX

[lazs2]

well... I have been married and I have been not married.

Looking at it from the perspective of not being married I have a very hard time seeing the advantage of being married.. of being joined at the hip all day long.. making love to the same woman past the point it is still interesting.    watching chick fliks or compromise.

I am older tho and know myself better... I also am past child rearing age which to me.. is the only reason to be married that makes sense.

I can see the advantantage of being single... Women trying to "improve" me I can just ignore.   sex is sometimes more frequent and sometimes less but overall..  more interesting.

more time for hobbies and exploring new things... not any new things but new things that I want to try.  

More quality time around people I want to be around.

lazs