Marriage counceling

[yankedudel]

Originally posted by lazs2
yanke... I do agree that if both parties are willing to accept the other person for what they really are then it will work.

I have been very up front in my relationships with women now and have a girlfriend of 6 years.   I have never lied to her or pretended to be someone else even when it was most tempting.

lazs

lazs It is so hard some times.

Ripsnort,

I agree, the marriage changes dramatically with children.  We just had our first, beautiful little girl, 2 years ago and ended up moving back to Michigan from Florida just to be back close to friends and family (read: babysitters) so we could have a life and a romantic relationship again.  

We call it "date night" and it is like being back in high school again.  It's just weird going out alone but it is crucial.  One on one time is definetely NOT the 2 hours between when the child goes to bed and when we do.

Yank

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by lazs2
I don't do the chores that she does.. she does em better than me.. she doesn't do the chores I do.. I do em better.   the goal is the thing.  Me trying to be a cook or a maid does not do either of us any good at all.   Her trying to change her own oil in her truck does no one any good.  it is just frustrating and silly.

I also think that the real way to get along is if you have seperate homes.

lazs

It's not the action of doing them Lazs, its the OFFERING to help that speaks volumes and breaks down barriers.

[yankedudel]

AND the offering can make for a good laugh.  When I offer to do the laundry she usually gets a pretty good laugh and when she offers to cook I get a pretty good laugh because we both know the outcome would be BAAD!

Anywho...Dredlock:

If you go into counseling with an open mind and you think she is worth the effort it can help.

If you dont think that she or the family (if applicable) is worth it or you go into it with a piss poor attitude it probably wont work so save the $$$.

I would try Ripsnort's idea of the list too.  It is exactly how our counseling started.

Yank

[lazs2]

I don't offer to do anything that I don't really think is a good idea for me to do.

She often tells me to get out of the kitchen or house when she is working.   I make a mess unplugging the sink or putting in a dishwasher.. she cleans it up.

we are both grateful for the others talents.

lazs

[Jackal1]

One of my friends married a chick who was a psych.
She gave up that practice and started a marriage counselor business.
The money rolled in like it was on slides.
This was her 6th marriage btw.......................... ...........

Get the picture?

[yankedudel]

Originally posted by Jackal1
One of my friends married a chick who was a psych.
She gave up that practice and started a marriage counselor business.
The money rolled in like it was on slides.
This was her 6th marriage btw.......................... ...........

Get the picture?

This is why you ask questions.  Find out who is counseling you.  Don't just write a check.

[Jackal1]

Originally posted by yankedudel
This is why you ask questions.  Find out who is counseling you.  Don't just write a check.

Maybe for you.
For me it just verifies that I will not be stupid enough to think that I can pay someone to change me or cure problems for hire....................or that I would actualy change.
Bu hey.....that`s just me.

[Xasthur]

Originally posted by Ripsnort
You are SO spot on its not funny.  At LEAST once a month, you need to have a "Mommy and Daddy night out" without any kids, friends or family, just yourselfs...over dinner, a movie, hell just a drive around town for 2 hours discussing your lives outside the house when your both not around each other.

Spend less time watching TV and being on the computer, more time helping out in the kitchen or do a load of laundry on a weekly basis (as a man, if this is not already part of your chores)  

A woman should offer to help out more outside, or offer help in her spouses daily or weekly chores.  Helping each other is a form of communication, it says "I'm here for you, what do you need from me?"

Good plan, Ripsnort. If you're with a women you truly enjoy waking up next to than what you have said above is most certainly a very small sacrifice.

[ChickenHawk]

Counseling only works if you have a good consoler and both parties are willing to work at it.  Marriage is WORK.

My wife and I had a rough beginning but we found a good consoler and it literally turned our marriage around.  Our 17th anniversary is coming up and I can truthfully say every year since our counseling has gotten better and better.  The key is communication and a willingness to work at it.

As stated by others, there are a lot of quacks out there.  Make sure you get one that is not in it for the money and is just in it to help people.  In this case, more money does not equal better service.

[lazs2]

so long as it doesn't have to be a decision between a good marriage and a good life.  

Lots of people stay together for some good reasons and.. for some very bad ones.   Life is short.   the world is full of women.

lazs

[JBA]

Why does divorce cost so much?





















because it's worth it.

JK good luck to you and your wife.

[uberhun]

Second time around I got it right. First time did the counseling thing, we both tried to make it work it didn't. We got divorced.

So I took everything I learned from the first marriage, Why I sucked...Why she sucked, and did some introspective analysis of what I learned.

1. Marry different culture different race
2. Be open minded
3. Compassionate
4. Woman needs to be Bi sexual
5. Woman needs to make more money then you
6. Man can not be a lap dog No is NO!
Needless to say I have been a happily married man for the last 8 yrs.
(Of course my Idea of marriage may not be your idea of marriage but it works for us. and it is certainly not boring)

[DREDIOCK]

Ill respond to this thread beter later when I am able to do so more freely.

In the meantime. Thanks for taking a slightly more serious stance to it then a couple of the first responces I had.

Im willing to go into this with an open mind and with an eye on compromise.
So long as Im not expected to sell the farm (be the only one making the compromises).

There are some issues between us Im not sure will ever be completely resolved to our complete satisfaction.
In those areas I hope we can at least reach a mutual understanding and acceptance of one another.

We went in for the initial consultation and just kinda skimmed over the surface on some issues. I was frustrated as some things I wasnt able to completely sayor I should say wasntallowed to finish explaining my position due to inturuptions and as a result to me seemed to  have me painted in such a way that I was the only one completely wrong.


When we left I think we were both more pissed off then when we went in (we were both in a bad mood when we went in. but Ill get into that later)

In hindisght though. in looking at the positions the therapist was taking We both may have felt as if our positions were attacked.

Dunno. May be a good thing.
Like I said I am going ot TRY to approach it with an open mind.

[SlapShot]

Originally posted by lazs2
been through it..   the way it works is that the woman asks for it and sets it up.   the semi professional who she hires knows which side of the bread their butter is on sooo...

The results are predictable.   It becomes a blame game and you are it.   mostly it is a way for a woman to bow out of a relationship without feeling guilty.. she gets a "professionals" blessing and you get to witness it.

lazs

Spot on !!!

[Mr No Name]

Marriage/Pre-Marriage counseling is more or less paying someone $85 an hour to let your woman whine and cry about what an A-hole you are to a third party.

OK, all kidding aside - I have not been through it but one of my customers is a leading marriage counselor in this area.  He has an ivy league education and from what I understand from him is that if things are just cracked a bit, they can help keep it together... but if the sucker is shattered, best use the money to prepare to move on.

Good Luck!!!

Also if for the first few sessions you feel worse than when you went in... that is COMPLETELY normal.