Has anyones wife ever cheated on them

[Roundeye]

Sorry to hear that.  Even if you spent every waking hour on AH or whatever else, that is NOT an excuse for her to cheat.  That is a lame excuse.  There is absolutely NO reason to break vows.  Period.  If things were that bad, then a divorce should have been sought by her.

Do not blame yourself (if you kept your vows) as you were the one who ahered to moral standards and did not commit the most despicible act of violating trust.  If one cannot be trusted then they are not worthy of being a friend, much less a spouse.

Get rid of her and find another.  The sooner the better.

[Gumbeau]

Sorry to hear that.  Even if you spent every waking hour on AH or whatever else, that is NOT an excuse for her to cheat.  That is a lame excuse.  There is absolutely NO reason to break vows.  Period.  If things were that bad, then a divorce should have been sought by her.

Do not blame yourself (if you kept your vows) as you were the one who ahered to moral standards and did not commit the most despicible act of violating trust.  If one cannot be trusted then they are not worthy of being a friend, much less a spouse.

Get rid of her and find another.  The sooner the better.

I hate to break it to you but a divorce is a break of the vows.

Unless you used the alternate, "Until death or divorce do us part" vows.

[Getback]

Gosh Infowars I am so sorry to hear this. I had the same thing happen. Don't know if I can put in the right words but I will try. I was so heartbroken, so despondent, and so negative. That went on for about 2 years. I frequented bars. I would wonder if my kids are okay with out me to protect them. Suicide often crossed my thoughts. But then I wouldn't be there for the kids. I had actually tried everything to make this marriage work. I would turn the tv off so I would listen more intently. I went grocery shopping with her. I did everything she asked. In the end I found I didn't have a life and was just waiting on her solely. In spite of her making the same kind of money I was making I paid almost all the bills and actually was going broke while she lived the high life. That's not living. In the end I realized that there was nothing I could do to make her happy. Did I make some mistakes. Oh Yeah! Many of them. Still though all marriages have there hurdles and people make them work. Two things brought me out of it. One I turned to God and asked forgiveness and asked him daily to remove this anger. It was killing me. Then my mom sent me on a trip to Atlanta to visit my brother and his wife. When I came back I had a whole new attitude and realized hey I'm an okay guy. I joined the YMCA and started working out every single day. Lost 40 lbs. Then my kids and I started hiking. It turned out to be the best time of my life.

Later I found out that my ex-wife had been molested by her dad. So I really can't even hate her. That is just awful.

I guess my point is yeah you probably made some mistakes but it doesn't matter if they're going to cheat they're going to cheat. I would offer that you pray and pray with conviction.

[infowars]

you guys are great...  I highly doubt it was AH that did me in.  Its been brewing a while.  I guess she just found a new job before she left the old one...  It is the kid that bothers me the most.  Any moment I'm not at work I with him.

Gonna take some readjustments I guess.

Thanks again.

[007Rusty]

Hang in there sir things will get better.. 

[eddiek]

Yeah, twice......she cheated with the same guy both times.  I hung around for 10 years after she did it the first time.  Eventually ended up playing AH a LOT, and she brought that up when we were drawing up the divorce papers.  I told her I had in fact played AH alot, it was my escape from the BS she was dealing out in an effort to deflect guilt from herself for being the cheater.  
In the end, I knew it was for the best that we part ways.  My pride was hurt by her cheating, not my heart.
She married the mutt, and now, not even 5 years later, she is doing the SAME THING to HIM:  Suddenly has feelings for a guy she met online, moved out, yadda, yadda, yadda......rinse and repeat.
There are times to swallow your pride and try to make it work.  There are also women out there who will not be happy no matter who they are with....once they decide they are not happy, they start looking; once they find someone else, and know they have a place and someone to go to, they leave and then make "excuses" for cheating and leaving.  
It's up to you to decide what you are gonna do.  In my case, I tried to forgive and forget.......it was she who never forgave herself or gave up on being with the guy, and I lived under constant scrutiny and accusation for 10 years after that.
NO ONE is worth that.  Have a heart to heart with her, have a small digital recorder with you and talk things over......tell her you just wanna know the truth so you can deal with it......then make sure you have it on record if or when she starts coming clean or confessing.  (In TX, that is legal, don't know about other states.  As long as it's face to face, you can record everything without her knowledge, in TX that is)
Then kick her to the curb.  When she accuses you or AH for her own cheating, don't get mad.....just be calm and respond that playing a game is not infidelity.  If it goes to divorce court, play her confession (you did remember to turn the recorder on, didn't you?) to your lawyer.  Let him/her handle it from there.  Unless your attorney says it's okay, don't talk to her anymore til the final hearing is over.
I sound extreme, I know, but having been there and done that........you are better off without her.
I hate to hear that you are going through this, but in a year or two, you will look back and wonder how you missed the signs and realize your life is better without her in it.

My 2 cents............

[Nilsen]

Dont think mine has cheated on me, but we have talked about the subject on various occations as i guess most have with their missuses in some form or another. She knows that if she ever made that mistake then I dont want to know about it. Just as she would not want to know if I did. Sometimes not knowing is better if you have messed up. If it is an ongoing affair though its another matter completly.

I feel for you infowars. Ive had a girlfriend cheat on me when i was a young man and with hindsight i wish i had not known as it was a one time deal.

Everone can make mistakes. If she brakes it off with guy I would want to try to fix it if I was you and she wants to too. If you have a kid then there is alot at stake and worth fighting for even if it hurts like a BIATCH!

[Yenny]

Yea right, according to your myspace you're single.  But you do have a lot of hot Asian friends! Hook a brother up I gots t3h yellow fevors OMGOMGOMG.

Dood being single allows you to do w/e you want ! it's da best for now !

[Roundeye]

I hate to break it to you but a divorce is a break of the vows.

Unless you used the alternate, "Until death or divorce do us part" vows.

A divorce nullifies said vows.

The intent on this is that one should make it known that there is a problem, do the respectable thing and get a divorce (nullify vows) before breaking them and sleeping with another.  

This lets both parties know that the relationship is over without question rather than keep quiet and slide a large knife in the back of the other.  To me, thats about as low as one can go.

Back on issue:

Infowars, I understand you have a child involved.  This makes things awkward.  You should move on swiftly and find yourself someone who really loves you and can be trusted.  Spend as much time as you can with your child and act respectable towards his mother when you are all present.  No matter what she does to you, she will always be your child's mother and should be respected as such, even if she cannot be trusted as a spouse.

You must do what makes you happy.  Personally, I would never be able to trust her again and without trust there can be no happiness.

You have some soul searching to do.....just don't forget how many other women are out there.  Searching for the right one can reveal one with a pure heart.

[Roundeye]

duplicate

[sluggish]

Usually when they tell you they need their space they're already hitting something else.  Women like to have the next one lined up before they ditch the current steady.  Let it be known that when your woman tells you it's over she's already done the deed.  Men have this horrible rep for being dogs but I'll tell you, after playing in bands in bars for many years, I've learned that women are much more likely to cheat than men.  And they can do it without conscious.  They have this uncanny ability to rationalize their wrongdoing into being YOUR fault.  Don't fall for it.

When my first wife and I split I went through about three years of total hell.  I'm very glad now that we split.  The only problem is kids, who will suffer no matter how you go about it.  All you can do is the best you can and rest easy in the knowledge that you did everything you could and it was her decision.

And the best thing you can do, for yourself and your kids, is to forgive her.  You have to eventually or it will kill you - literally.  I remember a moment of clarity I had after we'd been split for almost three years when I heard Don Henley sing "The Heart of the Matter" on the radio.  It was an old song even then but it was like I was hearing it again for the very first time and I understood exactly what he was saying.  I understood then that it really is all about forgiveness and using our experiences-good and bad-to build ourselves into better human beings.

[CAVPFCDD]

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade

Divorce and cheating is a terrible thing, and unfortunatly terrible things happen all the time and it's sadly a part of life, the only thing anyone can do is move ahead and try their best to live and enjoy life to the fullest, because it's your one shot. The worst thing you can do at this point is think about the "what if's" because they'll kill ya inside. It's a wide world my friend, do your best to  enjoy it, although i know it's a tough thing to do right now.

-Double D

[eddiek]

Sorry I did leave out the most important thing......others who posted touched on it tho..........
You be there for your child.  No matter what, you do your best.  Don't get involved in the mudslinging......be there, be a positive role model.  Make sure your child KNOWS he/she can count on you no matter what happens. 
The children are innocents and need to be protected from the fallout of a divorce as much as is possible.
I got custody of my son, have been there and put any search for a potential gf or companion on hold as I made a promise to be there for him.
His mother, on the other hand, has betrayed his trust in her and in women in general to the point that I seriously doubt he will ever let himself become involved in a serious relationship.
The sad irony is, his mother contends that she is doing nor has done anything wrong.  She's alienated her own sons to where they don't want to have anything to do with her, but......in her own words, she deserves to be happy....."everyone else will have to get used to it".
Sorry to sound so negative, infowars, but my own faith and trust in women is at an all time low..........disregard my posts, listen to more level headed posters. 
Hang in there, it will get better in time..............

[ODBAL]

I agree, the child(ren) should be your only concern.  Look big picture.  My situation when I left the house was this.  I would get my kids up, get them ready in the morning, take them to school, or the sitters.  Pick them up after work.  Make them dinner, put them to bed.  In my "spare" time I would do their laundry, play with them etc. etc.   If asked, their mother would tell you with a straight face that she raised those children by herself from day 1.  Hell, I even breastfed my daughter because my wife at the time wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night!  I had to plop her boob out, put the baby down to feed, and roll her over to the other side and repeat. But I digress....  Like I said, look at the big picture, now here we are some 8 years after my divorce, my son now lives with me because he knows I love him uncondionally and will do anything I can in my power for him.  His mom makes about 3x the money I do, but he doesnt care.  Kids are not stupid, do good by them and you will reap the benefits eventually.

[eagl]

I'd say get her to commit, one way or the other.  Either she renews her committment to you (and your child), or it's immediate splitsville.  If she decides to stick with you, then require counseling.  If she won't do it, then she obviously isn't committed right?

The reason to require her to make the hard choice right NOW is because of the child.  The kid will become the center of the fight if your wife isn't forced to make her choice immediately.  Because it's her that has betrayed you, not the other way around.  Your choice will be made by what *she* decides to do about it, because it's unlikely custody of the child will be awarded to you even though she cheated on you.  So she needs to make the choice right NOW.  If she chooses to not be faithful to you and her child (and she should understand that she has also betrayed her child just as much as she has betrayed you), then get the divorce and child custody ruling done as soon as possible.

IMHO.