Has anyones wife ever cheated on them

[Chalenge]

By all means think of the child first. Making a mistake is human but if she intended this to be the beginning of the rest of her life then its time to move on. Like I said before time for soul searching and...

[Baitman]

Move on and up... DO NOT sling mud ever, record everything, keep receipts, bank account statements.

NO WOMAN is worth keeping after such an incident EVER.... Toss her. Don't be sad just be thank full that you learnt this now rather than throwing your hole life away with her.

Make a very good home for your child and you and ask her to leave. that way you keep the house (worked for me)

[Dago]

I won't pretend to have any wise advice, everyones situation is different, and emotions will prevent rational thought, but hopefully you will step back, give yourself some time to let the yourself absorb the situation and make decisions about where you want your life and your relationship to go, and can make that happen.  However it turns out, I wish you the best and hope you can remember that some day soon you will see the sun shine again, you will smile and you will laugh again, and life will be good. 

[Anaxogoras]

I'm glad to see so many here point out that the child is the first priority.  Do what's best for him or her.  How old?

and she should understand that she has also betrayed her child just as much as she has betrayed you

Quoted for truth.

[infowars]

This is ironic because I constantly preach about the desruction of families and the horrible impact it has on society.  I very much believe kids need both parents.

Well it is what it is and there isn't much you can do other than your best. 

Thanks for all the support.  You guys rock....

[1pLUs44]

If you got kids, don't get a divorce. Try to let it go. Kids do need their parents, even if it's her fault, the kids won't care either way. You both split, they think it's their fault.


I wouldn't say to patch things up, but tell your wife that there's more important things in her life than just "getting some." IMHO, that's being greedy, and it could cost her her own kid's childhood.

It took my best friend about 3 years to get over it after his parents got divorced. And he still can barely handle it.

Edit: I've looked back, through here, and to all of my friends, and I've never met a guy who actually cheated. *shrugs* and I've met women who say they can't trust a single man while at the same time, they're two-timing their boyfriend.

[Anodizer]

Yeah man, what everyone else is saying..  Make the kid(s) the priority. 
YOU do what ever is best for them..  You're wife: well, to be straight-up, once a cheat, always a cheat.  I've never known anyone that has had their "significant" other remain faithful after an
incident such as this.  It is your choice..  However, do not set yourself up for failure.  Also, depending on what state you are in, custody isn't always awarded to the mother..  Hell, after this incident, she may just give you custody so she can continue her escapade unimpeded.  If you don't mind me asking, what age group are you and her in and who old is the child?
Age of the child has a lot to do with how they will handle a split should you choose to do so.. 
Good luck to you sir!  For what it's worth, we of the AH community stand behind you!

[Thruster]

Dude, My heart bleeds for you.

It's not ordinarily advisable to offer much in the way of specific advice, as none was solicited, nor are the specifics known, nor should they be.

But,

If I may, a couple of tactical guidelines.

- Don't make it into a fight. If it does let it be one sided. If anyone ever says you as much as raised your voice, you'll have a problem.
- As much as we tend to avoid painful experiences, it's important to obtain any and all verification of the transgression. You may choose to let
  it slide but you will regret not taking notes if push comes to shove.
- If you have the slightest feeling this may be a deal breaker. File. Not tomorrow, today. You can always blow off the court date if you
  reconcile.
- Do some housekeeping. Sequester anything you have that may be a point of contention later on. Get a new bank account, store all things
  valuable. Have important correspondence forwarded away from home.
- Do not take it too personally. It happens to the best of us. It's in a woman's fundamental chemistry to be dishonest and self absorbed. Our
  grandfathers knew it. Where do you think the barefoot/pregnant chestnut came from? Most can tell you that there is ultimately a rainbow
  coming even though the storm seemingly has no end. But that's your choice. It's true that time tends to heal all wounds to some degree. It's
  also true that often it's not what happens but how you let it affect you that counts. Trust me, if you choose to run the race again you'll be
  armed with insights you never could have possessed the first time around.

[Rollins]

If you got kids, don't get a divorce. Try to let it go.

No.

NO WOMAN is worth keeping after such an incident EVER.... Toss her.
Make a very good home for your child and you and ask her to leave. that way you keep the house.

Yes.

[Swager]

Kid come first.

Good luck!

[TheDudeDVant]

Explain to her whats strong enough for a man, but MADE for a women... (the back of your hand) and tell her to get da'funk out!

hehe sorry though dude.. sometimes life sucks.. 8)

[kamilyun]

I've seen this up close and personal.

Some good advice written above, especially with regards to your kid(s).  You need to get a decision from her one way or the other.  Something in writing, or renewed vows in front of other people.  Something to hold her accountable.  It's not to be mean, but to cover your own butt in the future.

Talk to a lawyer.  Don't let her know/threaten her with it, but learn what might lie ahead legally.  Make sure you know your finances (and hers, if possible).

Whatever decision you eventually make (on your own or together), doing this will help you at least take some action now and feel like you are in control.  Nothing could be worse than her lawyer contacting you saying you need to move out of the house b/c you're getting divorced and she's taking care of the child...in your house.

[mechanic]

 I've been cheated on and it hurts, but at other times in life i have cheated myself. Just because I get cheated by a person i have done nothing too I have no right to complain if I have ever cheated one other person who didnt deserve it. It's all a cycle and to get the best of it you have to give your best.
 Lies are what enables human society to fuction. The raw truth of how everyone truly thinks and lives their lives would be too much to handle. If we all were forced to speak nothing but the truth civillization would crumble in a day. Chosing who to lie to is giving the best of ourselves and getting it back and even then we dont know who the next person to cheat us will be.

Dont think mine has cheated on me, but we have talked about the subject on various occations as i guess most have with their missuses in some form or another. She knows that if she ever made that mistake then I dont want to know about it. Just as she would not want to know if I did. Sometimes not knowing is better if you have messed up. If it is an ongoing affair though its another matter completly.

I feel for you infowars. Ive had a girlfriend cheat on me when i was a young man and with hindsight i wish i had not known as it was a one time deal.

Everone can make mistakes. If she brakes it off with guy I would want to try to fix it if I was you and she wants to too. If you have a kid then there is alot at stake and worth fighting for even if it hurts like a BIATCH!

Amazing way of looking at it Nils, and you are right that not knowing would be better for a one off mistake. But im sure you and your lady know each other well enough to sense when something had happened. I don't have yet such a strong relationship that you must have to look at things this way. Though despite the obvious chance for lies with this attitude, it is a realistic way of looking at life and probably the best chance of avoiding those lies in the first place. Thank you.
 

[ODBAL]

You also need to think your expectations in either scenario.  The thing about expectations is, you can't be mad at others for not living up to your expectations, remember that.  If you choose to reconsile with her, do it for the right reasons, but reconsile with yourself, the fact that it will most likely happen again.  Are you willing to trade happiness in the long term to avoid misery in the short term?  And, in the event you do try and make it work are you willing and able to never bring this up to her in an argument or a heated moment?  ("I can't believe you are golfing again this weekend!"  Well, at least I'm not screwing my secretary like some people!")  You know, stuff like that  .  This is really bad timing with Christmas around the corner, I would advise taking a couple of hours in a nice quiet place, do your best to remove yourself from any emotions of betrayal and anger and ask yourself, if this was happening to your best friend, what advice would you give him.  Then follow that advice.

[dentin]

I've been cheated on and it hurts, but at other times in life i have cheated myself. Just because I get cheated by a person i have done nothing too I have no right to complain if I have ever cheated one other person who didnt deserve it. It's all a cycle and to get the best of it you have to give your best.
 Lies are what enables human society to fuction. The raw truth of how everyone truly thinks and lives their lives would be too much to handle. If we all were forced to speak nothing but the truth civillization would crumble in a day. Chosing who to lie to is giving the best of ourselves and getting it back and even then we dont know who the next person to cheat us will be.


Amazing way of looking at it Nils, and you are right that not knowing would be better for a one off mistake. But im sure you and your lady know each other well enough to sense when something had happened. I don't have yet such a strong relationship that you must have to look at things this way. Though despite the obvious chance for lies with this attitude, it is a realistic way of looking at life and probably the best chance of avoiding those lies in the first place. Thank you.
 

LIE, lie, lie, ALWAYS lie..it's the only way to keep the union alive and argument free. as "they" say " the truth hurts".